am I being unreasonable about partners gf posting kids?

Presumably she’s asked her partner - their dad - and he’s said ok.

He has as much authority as you do, OP. They’re only half your kids and it’s not for you alone to decide.

Likewise it’s not just for him to decide but if you’ve not voiced any concerns then he’s probably assumed you’re ok with it. Did you not discuss this sort of thing when you first had the kids?

Ideally he’d have run it past you but presumably he didn’t think you’d have a problem with it, maybe because you’ve never said so.

She is completely in the wrong. Exposing your children to the risks of social media is a decision that you and your ex should make, as their parents. Not the GF.

Me and my almost 4 year old sons dad split up a while ago and we both have new partners. His new girlfriend hasn’t posted any pictures of my son yet as I think she’s only met him a couple of times, but down the line if she wanted to post pictures I’d have to be okay with it, my son seems to like her, and she’s not overstepped any lines yet. My only hard request would be that her profiles would be made private if she wanted to post pictures with him in, as her Instagram is currently open. Me and his dad post pictures of him online but we both have our profiles fully locked down, so I’d probably just want a conversation about hers being the same. I’d also be upset if she was calling him her son or yano overstepping boundries, but just photos of her, him and his dad wouldn’t upset me as such.

My new partner has a 3.5 year old little girl, she comes to stay with us every weekend so I have a lot more contact but I personally haven’t posted photos of her online as I wouldn’t want to upset her mum, even if my profiles locked down, but there is photos on the wall in our house of her and us.

As a step mum who has been in my SS life for over 10 years now I really feel for you and I just wanted to say how lucky your kids are to have you. It’s clear that you are incredible for being able to rise above all of this like you have and go out of your way to ensure your children are not dumped in the middle of it and make sure they are are supported and put first. 💐 This must be so hard for you and my heart goes out to you.

I think the OW should be more respectful, but saying anything won’t change it if your ex isn’t on board and prepared to sort it out sadly, and that is on him, because he should be!

I know it must be hard but just try and remember that your ex partner could have ended up with someone horrible, nasty, trouble causing and who your children didn’t like.

It’s hard to learn to let someone else love your children but just see it as more people to fill their lives with love and happiness which is never a bad thing.

I had this exact situation happen about 10 years ago. Exh allowed his gf to post pics of our 2 kids. I don't post pictures of them on social media at all. I was livid. Exh didn't care.

I saw my solicitor and she confirmed that there was nothing I could do.

If yr x has parental responsibility there is nothing u can do to stop it, u could mention that u don’t like it, but that probably mean she does it more.

I'd mention it from the perspective w being uncomfortable of dc pics on sm but ultimately it's up to him

OP I can understand why it is sensitive for you to see them all together online, but it sounds like a successfully blended unit. That is so rare and a slightly over enthusiastic SM is infinitely preferable to one who dislikes your children.

Agree. Pictures of me never make it family events posted online. It feels like I literally don’t exists.

I think she's incredibly disrespectful to do this if she knows you don't post pictures of your children yourself. But then it was a cheating situation so she sounds disrespectful in general.

I'd keep a look out and say something if she ever posted an innapropriate picture or caption, of them in school uniform or half dressed for example, or pictures of them that could be embarrassing in any way. Otherwise it's a difficult thing to try and control when your ex is obviously giving her permission. I'm sorry.

If you co parent well and are civil can you not just have a quick chat with him next time he gets the kids / you drop them off.

”Hey, I’ve been told by a few mutual friends that GF posts a lot of pics of the kids. I don’t want to argue and I’m not saying she can never post pics but I’d rather it be less often if possible as I try not to post them too much online”

I think unfortunately it’s a judgement call for a parent to make, so if he’s happy with pictures of them going on social media, then she’s taking her lead from him. So many people clearly think it’s fine to do it, so it’s not surprising that she does really. I’m completely with you though, I don’t have Facebook so don’t post pictures of my kids, and I would have hated to reach adulthood and have thousands of photos of me online forever more for anyone to see. I guess it’s so normal today though that they will all be in the same boat!

For what’s it’s worth 2 years isn’t a lot in terms of a family separation, especially under those circumstances. And if you were my friend I’d fully expect you to still rant when you need to

you sound like you’re doing an amazing job as a mum, you’re feelings these things alone and making sure they don’t know how you feel. They’ll understand and appreciate that when they’re older

just to add, we all know he’ll do the same thing to her that he did to you

I’m in the same position as the gf, my partner has 2 kids.

I don’t post pics of them online, as I’m aware people are (justifiably) sensitive around this. But not everyone is aware of that!
We are the first generation to figure out the etiquette of social media so people have different views on what’s ok. I think if you just politely ask her to stop as you are concerned about the children’s privacy and would rather no-one posted them online, that’s ok.

regarding ‘is she my step-mum’ that’s simple, you say no, that’s a term for when a couple are legally married, so at this time, no she’s not a step-mum, she’s your dads gf who is another part of the kids extended family. This is how I explain my position to the kids.
I also have my own son and his dad has a long term gf, I say she’s part of my sons extended family and he’s so lucky to have so many people around that love and care for him.

theres no need to feel threatened as their mum, no one can ever take that unique position away from you. Just be glad your children are so loved and supported from so many directions

@kisssfromarose I can understand you being upset, I would be. Me and DH rarely post photos of the kids. Both have limited friends on SM and accounts locked down. I have asked that no one else posts photos of DC.

Does your ex even know his girlfriend is posting these photos? If he has consented to them being posted it's difficult, as he has PR too. I think the suggestion of asking that her SM is set to private is the best compromise if your ex has agreed.

I think all you can do is talk to your ex and see if you can come to an agreement - especially if he was the one who wanted no kids online in the first place- but unfortunately there's probably not a lot you can do if he ok's it :(

p.s I would feel the same as you in the situation!

That’s completely understandable OP and you have my sympathy on that one. It’s hard that it was a cheating situation and now you have to watch them play happy families. Try and focus on the fact that the kids are happy and compartmentalise your feelings. I’ve been there and it’s so hard to answer these sorts of questions through gritted teeth

do you have friends or family that you can vent to?

Thanks but she won’t be, she’s 15 and has been in tears over it. I can’t imagine she’s appreciate it in 3 years time

My DD is non existent in her dad’s or his wife’s instagram

She will be glad of that when she is an adult.