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Original poster

Wife wants step children back.

606 replies

stephen8 · 06/11/2024 11:32

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

OP posts:
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GoldenPheasant · 06/11/2024 19:48

timenowplease · 06/11/2024 17:54

They are not the OP's DC and by "home schooling" he has removed them from outside safe guarding. Yes, that is a huge red flag. Why aren't they going to school?

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He's explained that. If you're so concerned about the situation, why not take the trouble to read all his posts. Home schooling is regulated by local authorities and children are not thereby removed from safeguarding.

Fluufer · 06/11/2024 19:48

TheSilkWorm · 06/11/2024 19:38

How would the tutor know the step father doesn't have PR? Why would you expect them to question the living arrangements? It's really not any of their concern. Unless the tutor saw signs of neglect or abuse I wouldn't expect them to give it a second thought. The tutor teaches the kids. The parents separated and they stayed with one parent. The end, as far as the tutor is concerned. Do you really think the tutor would have phoned social services at that point? Why?

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A scenario like this should absolutely be noteworthy to a tutor. A tutor who was qualified and permitted to be in paid charge of them 30 hours a week would absolutely be aware of who does and does not have parental rights. The fact that the topic was never even broached with the OP is concerning.

Illpickthatup · 06/11/2024 19:46

Just wanted to wish you good luck in court tomorrow. Your girls are lucky to have you.

My stepson who's also technically my DHs stepson lives with us full time. Sometimes the best parents for kids aren't their bio parents.

GoldenPheasant · 06/11/2024 19:46

Stuck1001 · 06/11/2024 17:36

I find it extraordinary that SS could have been contacted and act so quickly, a good lawyer organised and even court tomorrow... this is all very unusual.

I find it extraordinary that you could post this when you clearly know nothing about how the court system works in urgent cases such as those where an abusive parent is threatening to take children away.

lovemetomybones · 06/11/2024 19:44

What amazing progress in one afternoon! I really hope that these children stay in your home. Remember to record everything, make sure you have a log of every time she has been abusive.

MissUltraViolet · 06/11/2024 19:42

Ignore the bitchy twats on here.

Sounds like you have done a great job and whatever happens the kids will know that you didn't give up on them - it will mean a lot to them one day.

Good luck tomorrow! If you feel up to it please do come back and let us know how it went.

TheSilkWorm · 06/11/2024 19:41

GoldenPheasant · 06/11/2024 19:35

These things do move very quickly when children's safety is at stake. Rightly so.

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How is the children's safety at stake to the point that social services would have ragged the referral as red and visited within a few hours? That's only done when a child presents at school with an injury, or discloses sexual abuse for example. There is absolutely nothing here that would lead a social work manager to send a social worker out on a same day urgent visit. Nothing.

GoldenPheasant · 06/11/2024 19:40

babyproblems · 06/11/2024 16:29

This situation beggars belief. Frankly you should have sought legal advice asap when they arrived into your care. As a result this entire situation is riddled with issues! Do you realise that she could accuse you of kidnap??? Seriously I can’t believe you’ve not taken ANY steps to secure the childrens’ future in terms of the law. What country are you in?? Seek legal advice asap. Legally you are holding someone else’s children! Really serious.

If she had made an accusation of kidnap she would have got nowhere given that she walked out and has seen the children on a number of occasions subsequently.

If you had bothered to read OP's posts you would have seen that he had seen a solicitor some time before your post.

lobsterkiller · 06/11/2024 19:39

Good luck for tomorrow, keep doing right by the girls.

TheSilkWorm · 06/11/2024 19:38

Fluufer · 06/11/2024 19:08

Of course it a tutors concern that children have been abandoned in the care of an unrelated person. Alarming that you would think it isn't.

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How would the tutor know the step father doesn't have PR? Why would you expect them to question the living arrangements? It's really not any of their concern. Unless the tutor saw signs of neglect or abuse I wouldn't expect them to give it a second thought. The tutor teaches the kids. The parents separated and they stayed with one parent. The end, as far as the tutor is concerned. Do you really think the tutor would have phoned social services at that point? Why?

TVwontwork · 06/11/2024 19:37

@stephen8 I think you sound like a wonderful father, and I hope it all works out for the best for you and your girls. Good luck.

BrightYellowTrain · 06/11/2024 19:37

Dramatic · 06/11/2024 19:35

It's certainly a very strange set up and not one I've ever heard of

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Unfortunately, unregistered schools are not unheard of.

Dramatic · 06/11/2024 19:35

BrightYellowTrain · 06/11/2024 19:33

Home schooling is not a new phenomenon so that is not a red flag

Attending an illegal unregistered school, which is what going to a tutor’s house full-time with 5 (2 siblings and 3 others) other CSA DC is classed as, should be a concern.

It's certainly a very strange set up and not one I've ever heard of

Icouldabeenalawyer · 06/11/2024 19:35

I will be thinking of you tomorrow OP 🌺 best of luck

GoldenPheasant · 06/11/2024 19:35

Figgygal · 06/11/2024 16:15

So you've got a solicitor, ss home visits and a court appointment all within a few hours now?

These things do move very quickly when children's safety is at stake. Rightly so.

Lainie · 06/11/2024 19:34

Please keep us updated how things are going. I really hope for a happy ending here. I am genuinely rooting for you and YOUR girls bless ya x

NasiDagang · 06/11/2024 19:33

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BrightYellowTrain · 06/11/2024 19:33

Home schooling is not a new phenomenon so that is not a red flag

Attending an illegal unregistered school, which is what going to a tutor’s house full-time with 5 (2 siblings and 3 others) other CSA DC is classed as, should be a concern.

AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters · 06/11/2024 19:31

JudgeJ · 06/11/2024 19:20

What rubbish! She abandoned her children in favour of a hedonistic lifestyle, no-one in their right mind would want a woman like that to have charge of children. She chose her way, why should any support be given to her, presumably at public expense?

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I never said she should have charge of the children or support at the public's expense. I said the girls deserve a relationship with their mum who needs support. This man (if he exists) isn't their parent.
If he does exist we should all bookmark this post since he could have invaluable advice on how to get social workers and court appearances at a moment's notice while working full time and single handed bringing up three children who aren't his.

Biscuitsandpizza · 06/11/2024 19:28

stephen8 · 06/11/2024 17:59

I'm going to leave this here now, I think, very grateful for all the people who have given helpful advice and been supportive. But honestly, absolutely disgusted at the supposed mothers on here who can be so vile to a victim of abuse who has already been through so much, determined to find a way to make the women be the victim even though she's the abuser who my kids are terrified of. Yes I may not have contacted social services, but I was worn down by the abuse and trying to keep my head above wager financially and support my kids, she kept leaving and returning I had no idea when she would next he back. The social worker was in no way angry when she came around and actually complimented me on how well I've held things down and said that the girls are a delight, she certainly didn't have any worries about mt ability to care for them. I will to to court tomorrow with my head held high and fight for my girls and no matter what the outcome I will never stop being there for them, my door will always and forever be open for my daughters.

Please ignore all the outrageous suppositions and accusations.

It sounds like the girls have a fantastic dad in you, and I'm sorry so many people on here are making such wild statements about you.

I hope tomorrow goes well, and that the girls remain where they're clearly very loved and looked after.

Luddite26 · 06/11/2024 19:26

Lavenderflower · 06/11/2024 18:22

I think this requires social services involvement.

No shit Sherlock.

Tahlbias · 06/11/2024 19:26

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'd seek legal advice asap!

JudgeJ · 06/11/2024 19:20

AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters · 06/11/2024 19:16

If you are a purely a step-parent who has stepped up, your priority should be building a relationship between your wife's children and their mum. Your ex needs help and support and her children need her.

What rubbish! She abandoned her children in favour of a hedonistic lifestyle, no-one in their right mind would want a woman like that to have charge of children. She chose her way, why should any support be given to her, presumably at public expense?

NewNameNoelle · 06/11/2024 19:19

I believe you, and I wish you all the very best for tomorrow and the future. You sound like a wonderful father and the girls are lucky to have you.

NeedABabelFish · 06/11/2024 19:18

stephen8 · 06/11/2024 17:59

I'm going to leave this here now, I think, very grateful for all the people who have given helpful advice and been supportive. But honestly, absolutely disgusted at the supposed mothers on here who can be so vile to a victim of abuse who has already been through so much, determined to find a way to make the women be the victim even though she's the abuser who my kids are terrified of. Yes I may not have contacted social services, but I was worn down by the abuse and trying to keep my head above wager financially and support my kids, she kept leaving and returning I had no idea when she would next he back. The social worker was in no way angry when she came around and actually complimented me on how well I've held things down and said that the girls are a delight, she certainly didn't have any worries about mt ability to care for them. I will to to court tomorrow with my head held high and fight for my girls and no matter what the outcome I will never stop being there for them, my door will always and forever be open for my daughters.

You sound like an amazing Dad Stephen and your girls are lucky to have you in their lives. I wish you the very best of luck.