Wife wants step children back.

If it was a woman and step kids I think people would be equally as questioning about the school situation. Probably lots of questions on why she didn't get something formalised so she could claim child benefit and other benefits.

I can't believe the Op didn't think he was leaving himself open to accusations or that he'd be able to keep these children without having any sort of care order, or formal foster care arrangement.

Safeguarding isn't just about protecting children, it's also about protecting adults and making sure they aren't leaving themselves open to false accusations.

These kids must be needing some sort of councilling to cope with the abandonment issues they have faced. Two sets of grandparents, any extended family and both parents ALL being willing to leave them with a stepdad.
Nobody has tried to get access to them or has already reported them.

I wouldn't blame OP if he doesn't come back. I would have stopped responding after the first couple of pages to such bitchy comments.Troll hunting, bitchy twats and nastiness given to him that no woman would get if 'Stephen' was a woman.
"You are soooo amazing taking on your ex drunken shit bags kids."
It even worse to think that a lot of the twatty comments are from posters who are probably parents themselves.

Just because he wrote Stephen doesn't mean that's his real name. Oh, wait a moment it says so online so it must be true. People do use false names on here don't be naive.

Sure, I'd heard of the occupation of "social worker". Had no idea how they were involved in looking after children. Why is that hard to believe? And why is that even worth arguing about?

As to the other point - he would have had virtually no options to ensure he had legal responsibility for the children. That's what I'm pointing out. Going to SS in the first several months would have almost certainly meant they were taken into care - and going to SS after the first several months would still be very likely to result in the same thing. Hopefully after over a year in this case, the court and SS will see sense and not just default to removing them.

However, a step-parent with no PR has virtually no say and no legal standing in a situation like this.

How did you get on in court OP? Have you adopted the children now? Are you moving away tomorrow and changing their names? Or will you wait until Monday?

@OldLondonDad
How can you never have heard of social worker, social services?

The first time I'd heard of SW was my pals Social Worker driving passed us when we were young childrened.

I honestly can't believe anyone would think it's a sensible idea just to have let the parent walk out and not do something to ensure you had some sort of legal responsibility for the children?

Read his first post again where he quoted the text message.

Good luck today

A lot of naive posters too.

Please don't be in tears. Anyone can write anything on here.

We aren't allowed to troll hunt but this thread will have been undoubtedly reported.

😆

I hope everything goes well for you today. Sounds like you have a lot of people in your corner so best of luck to you and your girls.

This is why so many children are in undesirable situations. Because naive women are too busy hero worshipping men to spot red flags.

Why are you in tears??

Trollhunting isn't allowed. If you have concerns report the thread and MNHQ can take steps behind the scenes to establish the OP's bona fides. Keep trollhunting posts off the threads

Omg this is awful. I am in tears. That email shows she hasn't changed at all. Packed and ready to go? From their home and the only real parent they know?

Family lawyer immediately OP. Fuck genetics, fuck the idiotic responses here, fuck the statistics about the likelihood of the courts favouring you - you're all they've got now FIGHT FOR THEM.

How would you not have heard of social services? Have you been living under a rock?

Why would I, as a childless single man, have heard of SS or understand their involvement in caring for children? Because that's what I was before getting into the relationship with my now wife.

(In fairness, I'd seen a few headlines on the news about babies dying, but at no point did I think that had any relevance to me, or that it applied in anything that I'd consider "normal" life.)

And "hardly someone who ought to be dishing out advice". Mmmm ok. Actually, as a step-dad, who now knows plenty about the law, family court, CAFCASS and SS, yeah actually I think I'm probably in a pretty good position.

I'm certainly not encouraging step dads to "go off radar so step kids can't be taken off them". However, I absolutely think there are times when if something happens to one parent, the step-parent is the better choice to continue care than returning to the other biological parent. I certainly think that would be true in my case. In reality we have very few options in the legal/care system to ensure that, and I suspect a good number of children lose out as a result.

Good luck today.

I'm sorry people have been focusing on the wrong things and berating you. I hope it goes well in court today.

You had never heard of social services? Absolute bollocks. And if true, you're hardly someone who ought to be dishing out advice.
Let's absolutely not encourage step dads to go off radar so step kids can't be taken off them. Please think about what you say.

Everyone saying the OP should have contacted SS right away, just a couple of things:

I had basically never heard of SS until a few years ago. I had no knowledge of the system whatsoever. I only came to know about it through helping my partner (before we were married) with court applications etc. for her to get the CAO for my step-daughter. And that's with me living in London where there's probably active SS involvement and child/family issues all around me. In fact I pretty much walk past the family court every day! (which I didn't even know was there...) It's far from a given that a stepdad would know much about SS.

Secondly - I imagine in this situation back at the start, he was just trying to do what needed to be done. The days would have passed, he was probably hoping she'd come back, and didn't expect it would take so long. Then before he knew it, weeks and months had passed. By then it probably felt normal. I'm not sure anyone would then wake up one day and go "oh, I need to contact SS".

Finally - let's say he did wake up one day and go "oh, I need to contact SS". Do you know what the best move would be then if he believed the right thing to do for the girls was keep them with him? It would be TO NOT CONTACT SS. The best thing he has in this situation is the fact that he's been caring for them for a long time, they are happy, and it would be disruptive to move them. If he had contacted SS after only a few weeks, that would not be the case and he'd have a far higher chance of losing them.

Wow. What a tough situation!

I guess it's something that every decent stepdad considers occasionally - what would happen to the stepkids - and what would I do? - if my wife passed away or left. Very few of us ever actually have to do it.

It sounds like you are doing a great job, hope everything goes well today and over the next few weeks. I'm sure it will be a bumpy ride and there'll be lots of uncertainty but hopefully it works out the right way for you and the girls.