Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Wife wants step children back.

606 replies

stephen8 · 06/11/2024 11:32

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Marsh3melz · 06/11/2024 11:43

What do the girls want? Tbh I would tell her to go to court. Do you work OP? You maybe entitled to legal aid. Search your local family mediation as its compulsory to do at least 1 session. It doesn't have to be together but it's the mediation who gives you the C100 form so you can apply to the family courts.

Singleandproud · 06/11/2024 11:43

They aren't your children and you have no legal hold on them. Do school and DRs and other officials know you have been acting as a parent? Making decisions for them without PR? I'd imagine you need some sort of statement from them as evidence if this did have any traction.

This is a very unusual situation and you need proper legal advice not MN.

Whatamitodonow · 06/11/2024 11:40

Surely social services are involved?

do you have parental responsibility? If not who has been making those decisions- health, schools, holiday etc?

have you formalised the arrangement in any way?

get on to social services today. At least to hold off the “handover” until formal assessments can be done of the situation.

stephen8 · 06/11/2024 11:38

Hankunamatata · 06/11/2024 11:36

Did you get in touch woth social services as soon as mum disappeared? Have you some form of legal responsibility?

No I didn't. I don't have any legal responsibility.

OP posts:
Stormyweatheroutthere · 06/11/2024 11:38

Seek legal advice. Just because you aren't their df doesn't mean a court won't give you access or indeed continued custody... Apply for special guardianship as a matter of urgency..

Hankunamatata · 06/11/2024 11:36

Did you get in touch woth social services as soon as mum disappeared? Have you some form of legal responsibility?

Swipe left for the next trending thread