To find this horrendously unattractive

No blame on you, OP, but this is what they count on: being so extremely selfish, repeatedly, when you've not got it in you to argue.

I wouldn't just find it unattractive; I'd question the kind of person he is. He knows you are horribly poorly and doesn't give a shit. Not only is he not caring for you, he's hoovering up the care, attention and rest you need specifically so you have to do more than you normally would.

He's a c*nt.

Brutal but true

Don’t be a martyr OP.

I totally sympathise with you @TheSleepiestOne his behaviour is clearly not only deeply unattractive but relationship damaging.

Please dont be a martyr. Eventually your resentment will grow so much that you'll despise him (if you don't already). I can understand why you don't feel you have the energy to tackle this right now - but you really should. You need to point it out to him while its obvious the unfairness of you carrying on with childcare etc whilst ill - yet he doesn't.

Putting it simply - if you don't tell him this behaviour is putting you off him - how is he supposed to change?

So unattractive. Any of this “who but me”, “I’m definitely worse off than you”, “I can’t possibly push through” behavior is an instant blegh.

I actually feel ragey on your behalf, OP. What a prick. Why are so many women in relationships with such utter bellends - is this just the state of modern man/marriage, or is this just what Mumsnet is making me believe?!

and you have chosen to have more than one child with him ?

Eh I'd find it equally irritating if someone claimed to be doubled over but was running around and going to the park.

I actually cite this as the number one reason for divorcing my ex husband.

Stop!

When you feel better and you have energy, read him the riot act. It’s worse than unattractive. It’s appalling.

OP, can you pretend to take yourself to A&E because your symptoms have got so bad, and go to your parents' or a friend's instead for a few hours' rest?

Make a difference for yourself, would you?
It's so bloody depressing.
🙁

I'd be throwing the painkillers at him - followed by both children, then off to bed only to be disturbed for breastfeeding. I'm quite robust but in your situation I'd need to rest and recover.

Agreed very unattractive and actually quite worrying for the future.

It's much worse than just being unattractive. He doesn't care or step up with the kids when you're ill?

Honestly? I’d snap.

I've not had a sick day in ten years other than a month off to have my appendix removed due to appendicitis. In that time my EX husband must have been so sick he couldn't get out of be at least 100 times, no shit. Hence the ex husband. Absolute drain on my resources 😏

Is he doing those little T-Rex arms?

You have my utmost sympathies, and at the risk of elevenarife-ing, exDP, at the ripe old age of 40, and upon the news of the diagnosis of our newborn baby with severe tongue tie, decided he had the same issue, paid privately to have his (🤔) problem frenulum snipped, which made his appointment actually sooner than our poor NHS waiting list 8 week old DS.
And of course the recovery was torturous, much worse than a tiny baby because "they don't know how hard it is"

He sounds absolutely pathetic. I know LTB is thrown around quite liberally on here but if I were you I'd have a proper conversation with him about his lack of respect and consider my options going forward. Because that's what it comes down to - he is showing you zero respect or consideration. Does this leak into other areas of your relationship? Pathetic little man child.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

So basically you're rewarding a display of weaponised incompetence? In the nicest possible way, grow up, OP. Hand the children to him, go to bed, and tell him to bring the baby to you when it needs a feed and not unless.

He's doing this because it works on you.

XH used to be like this. When I'd just get on with looking after the kids even when unwell, I used to have to phone the doctor to come to the house (back when that was a thing) for the slightest thing.

He once stayed in bed all day when I had about 16 kids coming to the house for a birthday party so instead of him looking after our two while I got food organised, I had to do it all myself.

Also a repeat performance on a Mothers Day when I had to go out with the children and then pay for the whole meal.

On both occasions there was nothing really wrong with him and amazingly these things always happened on days off and he was always fine to go to his precious work the following day.

And me 😳

Oh yes definitely. If he expects you to look after a toddler and a baby when you're really ill then he can do the same can't he. Not a fucking chance would I be leaving the house for him, them curtains would be opened back up quicker than he could give a poor me sigh/huff

I was with one like this. Always at deaths door over the slightest ill, never threw up but was ‘violently sick’ or ‘near passing out’. He had been raised as the golden child and expected that the same ‘king on his deathbed’ treatment he’d had until he left home would be carried on. Apparently I was unsympathetic, but this is the same man who took parental leave and still had me do the school run 3 days after giving birth. No advice as such, but I’m truly glad to be single now.

This would breed deep resentment for me. Don't become a martyr to this man.

I would despise him for acting like that.