To find this horrendously unattractive

Completely agree.

You had me onside with your first sentence - . I cannot stand folk like that. Hope you feel better soon.

I heard about this term from DH!

I say this in all earnestness, speak to him about it now, otherwise it will quietly erode your marriage. 24 years of me being a martyr cos I can’t stand confrontation has really ended any feelings I had for him. Before kids he was my best friend. But all family/kids work left to me as well as working full time kills any relationship. He earns the main money so in his eyes it was fair. I never protested even when I spent ten years in the midst of post natal depression/depression and now I’m in a room mate situation where there is no love apart from for the teenage kids. I should have spoken up even if it got me nowhere.

And people don't believe me when I say I am happily divorced. Threads like this make me so sad

Nausea from GA can last days unfortunately. I don't blame her from not being able to stand the sight of him!

Mine does this too. He is a toxic abusive bully on a final warning that I will consult a divorce lawyer.

Is there terminology for what they are doing? I had an op and said I had pain in a specific area and he claimed he had pain there so couldn’t share the load. Just one example of many. Not hypochondria in his case. Just some bizarre mirroring to carry on bullying rather than show empathy and help/be normal.

My male friend is like this - someone has a cold and he has full blown flu. Someone has a headache and he’s ’caught’ it off them but prob has a brain tumour. He once stroked a cat and was so obsessed with having caught worms from the cat (the cat didn’t have them) he went and got tablets. Because there was a bubble in the toilet after a poo so he was positive he was riddled. He made all his family be treated. Hypochondriac.

He should be looking after the kids - it’s not pleasant after an anaesthetic and you should be resting!

Do people not realise being single is an option? If me and my Husband split, I really would stay single, especially if this is what is out there. I just don't get it and so many saying this is what their other half is like, it's a little depressing how many people tolerate lousy partners.

He’s my father, reincarnated.
If my mother was ill you could guarantee he’d take to his bed soon after.
And everyone had to hear about it. In great detail. 🤢

TBH and I know this isn't what you want to hear after an op and still BF a baby.
But it's taking 'in sickness and health' to a new level!

(Never heard of Eleven.... whatever BTW!)

I wouldn't be with a man like this, especially as you say it's a behaviour he repeats.

In a marriage you need a partner to step up and help out at times like this.

I'd not have gone to the park. All you've done is confirm that it's 'okay' for him to behave like this.

If you want to change how he behaves you've got to change YOU.

That means not enabling his stupid behaviour by making it clear you won't tolerate it.

I'm a bit sceptical though that you've not eaten for 48 hours (anything?) and are off to the park.

He sounds annoying. But I would suggest you are both exaggerating a bit, if you are running around the park with two young children - you clearly are not doubled up vomiting, and nausea from anaesthetic doesn't usually last for days.

That’s horrendous @localhere just awful how utterly selfish of the man.I know what I would have been snipping of your DP’s and it wouldn’t have been his frenulum. I am glad to read he is an exDP. I hope your little one is OK now.

Ugh, you have my sympathy OP.
Similar happened to me; first met my DP when I had 'mono', he sweetly brought me jugs of juices as I 'had to drink a lot'.

However, what he also did was begin to mimic my symptoms!

He never did get mono, but I felt badly that he might.

Throughout our early years together, he seemed to get a sore throat when I did, he 'thought' he had a cold when I did, at least he didn't get morning sickness and labour pains when I did, but it seems that every minor illness, he had to have it too!

Luckily I seldom get ill, but if I do have a rare episode of Vertigo and not be able to get up as usual, he ignores me.
I'm lucky if he remembers to come up and ask how I am or ask if I need or would like something.

It's hurt me so much, and I hope your DP doesn't turn out like that, it's very upsetting to not even be asked how you're feeling by someone who's supposed to have your back.

That would drive me mad, I would bank this OP and suddenly fall ill with “women’s problems” in a few days and pack him off with the kids for a few hours so you can recover, I would love to see how he reacts to that.

My view is that as parents you don’t get to opt out when you feel rough. Obviously if it’s something like flu and they are genuinely bed bound, then my partner gets my sympathy and I will bring the chicken soup etc… Other than that, I acknowledge they feel shite, cut them some slack if needed (e.g. go for a nap for an hour or so) get them to medicate and then carry on the day, treating them as normal.

I don’t have the time, nor the patience for this kind of fuckery.

This is my DH. Annoying in its own way, actually, but I’d much prefer that to the ridiculous way your husband is carrying on op. I’m afraid to say you summed it up well calling yourself Mrs Muggins for cracking on and parenting on your own rather than resting… but I don’t really know what the answer is, given this is established behaviour from your husband and he’s unlikely to just snap out of it when told he’s being a massive twat 😅

Oh my god, I cannot believe it! Masterly use of elevenarifing, well done!
But joke aside, that is a horrendous display of wrong priorities, how awful you had to deal with that whilst having a newborn.

Well for a start off, these episodes are usually interspersed with if not good, at least tolerable behaviour that on balance women decide is better than having the even tougher life and reduced circumstances of being a single parent with an ex who's likely to be even less use sat in a bachelor flat across town, living the life of a single man. Its also boiling frog. Does anyone LTB the first time they suspect he's exaggerating illness? It takes a while to become a noticeable pattern, and they also tend to escalate it gradually. By the time women get to posting on here they are getting to boiling point and starting to think about change, hence sense checking with others. Its not like everyone who posts has been a doormat their whole lives encouraging, facilitating and playing the martyr.

I hadn't heard of elevenerife but among my friends this is referred to as being a "topper" - no matter what you have, say or do they'll try to top it.

In our house the Zoolander coalmine cough is used (in jest) as a a shameless attempt to use minor sickness to duck out of something.

@localhere wins. Untoppable.

😂

I can totally sympathise. My dh doesn't necessarily make out he is worse or trumph my symptoms, however every time I am ill or have something sore, literally within 24 hours, he will develop something. He isn't usually the attention seeking type so I find it odd, but without fail, he does get ill or have a pain every single time I do.

Maybe you need to remind your dh about the 'boy who cried wolf' story. I recently had a scan which showed up a suspicious cyst (thankfully turned out to be nothing to worry about). The day after this scan, dh started complaining about a stabbing pain in his side. I thought "here we go again" and was annoyed that he had developed this pain when I had my own medical worry to contend with like he always does. However his pain turned out to be pneumonia and he was in hospital for nearly a fortnight on oxygen and a high dose of anti biotics. I felt so guilty, however at the same time, what was I meant to think given the timing and his history!

My point being, it isn't fair on you as one day there might be something really wrong with him and like me, you'll just think "here we go". He's not really doing himself any favours either if one day he really is ill with something serious.

I'd have a word and question this behaviour. Not fair that you had to go out not feeling great and he got to rest at home.

Seems like all the crap men are taken too 😂

Then there's the flip side to this, men who refuse to look after themselves and won't go to the doctor even though their leg is broken 🙄

Me too. On a page that came up during googling one mum with 2 children said if you had an elephant, she'd have a box to put it in. 😂

Sorry for your troubles OP, he's a prize idiot, but you have made me laugh.

My. Good. God.

They actually carried out surgery he didn't need?

Was thinking the same
According to MN all the good men are taken🙄Really!!