To find this horrendously unattractive

Excellent @Verge well done that woman it must have taken some guts for her to do that.

A very wise elderly friend of mine used to say that a woman should never think of marrying a man until she had seen him clean the toilet, cook decent meals and treated her well when she was ill.

I got home to DP shivering on the sofa under a blanket watching TV. He’d mentioned earlier not being able to eat and I’ve just seen he’s left a half eaten bowl of weetabix on the side as proof.

So all put on?

How childish.

Honestly, if he thinks that he has caught your "adverse reaction" he's thick as shit as well!

Give some thought to your future with a man like that.
This story is 25+ years old and from my good friends lovely MIL, whose best friend was her next door neighbour for 40 years.
Her friends husband was a selfish twat that never allowed her one days sickness.
She raised her 3 children herself, without his help, while teaching and was only newly retired when he, 5 years older and also retired had a stroke.

He was in a rehabilitation unit and after 3 months they mentioned the adjustments that would need to be made to the house so she could look after him.

She point blank refused to have him home. She said she suffered with a bad back for years and that she would not be able to care for him.
So at nearly 66 he went into a retirement home against his wishes.
He was furious with her but in her mind her marriage was over for decades and she sure as hell wasn't nursing him when he hadn't so much as given her one days care in all their marriage.

His family were upset but she told them crack on if they wanted to bring him to their homes which shut them up.
She used to pop in one or twice a week max for a very short visit.
She never regretted her decision and she had 20 years of holidays and days out with my friends MIL who had been widowed young.

I have never forgotten this story and her bravery to say fxck this, I am not being a carer to that selfish twat for my retirement.

I feel this image needs to be added to this thread.

Mine has actually fucking attempted to compete with my menopausal hot flushes! 'Oh I'm having them too'... I was actually lost for words.

Every single illness I have, he has it too, and worse than me. He was a bit thrown a couple of months ago when I ended up being taken to hospital in an ambulance with double pneumonia, though.

It's one of many reasons why I won't live with him. I couldn't stand it, 24/7.

I used to be married to a twat like this...

I had to look up elevenarife. I'm glad I did, now I know exactly how to describe my mother.

It does if you get the spelling right

More fool you for letting him act like a twat.

In all seriousness OP just be really careful, I was breastfeeding and got a sickness bug, ended up in hospital for 2 days on a drip as I was dangerously dehydrated. It also started affecting my supply, so do keep checking on baby.

If you’ve done the morning then he does the afternoon, no question. Yes even if it means the kids have to watch CBeebies in the dark for a few hours. Tell him my story above and that you’re going for a nap, and unless you feel better by 5pm you’re considering A&E.

Tell the twat to bugger off back to the office otherwise you'll report him to his employer for malingering as his presence is literally making your life harder atm.

He's lucky he's an adult not a school pupil. If he were a teenager, he'd never get away with pulling a stunt like this as the attendance people would be round to drag him out of bed, the way things are atm.

DH was like this.
I took to saying “I can’t have anything myself”.

Oh my god literally just about to ask about this!? I'm always picking up runny noses & viruses (teacher) plus my son is in primary school sneezing on & being sneezed on daily but my OH never tries the "elevenrife" on, I don't think I'd have the patience but maybe he'd say the same if I was in a dressing gown of doom at every sneeze

OP, you say you had an adverse reaction to anaesthetic. So, apologies if I am wrong, you potentially are recovering from an operation/small surgery on top of it all? I’m sorry your partner hasn’t stepped up when you need him the most.

My ExH used to do this too, it was part of a pattern where I wasn't viewed as a human being with feelings or needs. Like I was another appliance in the house that he would get annoyed with for 'malfunctioning'.

He'd feign illness so he wouldn't need to show any care for me or my wellbeing and then when I'd recovered the washing/cleaning etc would be waiting for me as he'd been too sick to pick up any slack. Pathetic manchild!

Yanbu. I know you're joking, but I think it's awful that your partner is doing this to you. It's disgusting behaviour. I'd be going home, handing him the dc, and taking myself off to bed. It is deeply deeply unattractive behaviour.

My partner did this with my pregnancy symptoms it did my head in. But I think he genuinely thought there was something wrong (there wasn't as the symptoms miraculously cleared up with no treatment).

Go home
Go to bed
Tell him he’s in charge

Do it to him next time he has a headache/toothache/virus. Maybe he’ll get the message then.

OP, it is so disappointing when you realise that you have ended up with a loser like this.
And men are surprised when women cannot bring themselves to have sex with them.
Maternity leaves are the worst thing for these men.
Be very careful that you do not end creating an imbalance that is massively difficult to step back from.
I see this as absolutely deliberately manipulative to prevent him ever having to care for anyone but himself.

It may be unpopular here to write it, but it is often associated with abusive relationships.

I hope you have family and friends close to you for support because this is often a huge nail in a marriage coffin.

My advice is what my friend did when she felt a similar pattern was developing.

When he was "well" again, she told him that she was deeply deeply disappointed to have noticed the pattern developing and that it was hugely impacting how she viewed him as a husband and a partner. She said she now felt with a young child she couldn't get sick at all as he would immediately come down with something.
He of course denied it completely as a coincidence but when she was next ill, he remained well.

Privately she told me that it was a definite factor, one of several in her decision to absolutely say no to a second child.
Fundamentally she no longer trusted him and she felt it very important that she maintained her career and move forward.
They are still together but live quite separate lives, coming together for their son.
Mind yourself OP.

I don’t know about other women on here (I do, but I don't want to speak for anyone else) but I've taken care of my child while seriously, seriously ill in the past. I'm talking raging fever, dizzy, sick, delirious, in-need-of-hospital-treatment ill.

Why? Because I literally had to. Women do this shit all the time.

Amateur psychologist opinion:

I think for some men, their wife is not just a wife (ie someone they are on an equal footing with) - they also represent their mother. A mother always has to be strong to look after their 'child'.

The minute you are unwell, he regresses into an unwell child in need of mummy's care to reassert the natural order.

Sounds like a bloody nightmare. Like childcare and housework is an optional for men when they are well enough, but if they aren’t, well then obviously that’s the woman’s default job anyway, right?

Surely even if he were to be genuinely the “sickest” (as if), that fact is that you are also unwell means you also need time to rest today and he should step in for a bit at some point at absolute minimum.

Next time could you call his bluff and suggest some kind of paid childcare / housework option if you’re both too ill to look after kids - see if his symptoms magically vanish if he has to open the wallet?