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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find this horrendously unattractive

214 replies

TheSleepiestOne · 06/11/2024 10:54

DP is a bit of an Elevenarife and either it’s getting worse or I’m just losing the patience to deal with it. I’ve been bent over double for two days with vomiting and a headache but somehow been able to run around after a toddler with an infant strapped to my chest. Still breastfeeding even though I’ve not eaten in over 48 hours. DP is off today. “Brilliant”, I think, “some help with the children and a chance to get some rest!”

No such luck. DP has been staggering around, huffing and puffing about stomach cramps. Logical, you might think. If one of us is ill it’s likely the other will catch it. Not quite. My symptoms are an adverse reaction to anaesthetic.

Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had an illness or injury where DP hasn’t instantly had the same or worse. I actually can’t remember a single occasion.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

YABU - have a bit of empathy, the man’s clearly unwell

YANBU - this is off putting

OP posts:
Pussycat22 · 06/11/2024 16:06

LTB !!!!

DaisyChain505 · 06/11/2024 16:03

You’re both the issue.

Him for acting like this and you for just letting it slide and not calling him up on it.

why didn’t you remind him that your illness wasn’t contagious and was a side effect to anaesthetic and tell him to be a parent and a partner and step up.

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 06/11/2024 15:55

Very very young ( and very stupid) I was living very rurally, 9 months pregnant and with a toddler.
It was a terrible winter . The lane was a skating rink. GP came out in a 4 wheel drive and said that I would be air lifted to hospital if necessary. I said I couldn't leave as husband was ill ! . The dog was very ill too and had just produced pups.
Husband took to his bed ,groaning and moaning. Said he was having a heart attack The doctor diagnosed a pulled muscle and said he would leave a prescription at the chemist. Husband rang friends who collected prescription by tractor . Thaw started and a constant stream of his pub friends came visiting him.He was in pain,I don't deny it but was acting like a dying duck ,friends were offered tea cake,sandwiches which I was expected to provide . By
This stage I was crawling rather than walking as i had sciatica. Looking after toddler and giant toddler. When I went to hospital for the birth my mother came to.look after him.She was very concerned about him and rushed about with trays which he loved. He perked up wonderfully when he could go out with his friends .

Many years later after I had left and was living miles away ,my mother rang me to tell me that I " ought to know" he had flu . I said I was sorry to hear that..

JohnTheRevelator · 06/11/2024 15:54

I know a few men like this. Competitive illness.

BritAirwaysgirl · 06/11/2024 15:53

HermoinePotter · 06/11/2024 11:00

Does he have the dressing gown of doom on?

This! 😂😂😂

petermaddog · 06/11/2024 15:44

https://lifeeducationtrust.com/elevenerife-syndrome-2/

tell him you are are pregnant;)

Youvebeenframed · 06/11/2024 15:43

Namerchangee · 06/11/2024 11:34

Is he doing those little T-Rex arms?

😂😂😂

Snowfalling · 06/11/2024 15:42

GoldenPheasant · 06/11/2024 14:42

Try claiming to have a few pretend conditions to see if he claims to have them also, e.g. rigor mortis.

🤣🤣🤣

Youvebeenframed · 06/11/2024 15:36

😂😂 “Elevenerife”
I love this fucking brilliant quintessentially British put down 😆

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/11/2024 15:29

Kneidlach · 06/11/2024 14:20

I feel this image needs to be added to this thread.

That is absolutely genius

LemonSherbertDabs · 06/11/2024 15:20

So you've told him to go to bed?

I've had said 'look I'm the one who's had a GA, given birth twice and am still breast feeding, so man-up and start being some help to me.'

(Or bugger off and I can manage on my own without you annoying me.)

Is being slightly jovial about here a sign that you aren't engaging properly with the sheer idiocy of his benaviour?

It's not 'unattractive'.

That would apply to a haircut , the wrong after shave or leaving toenails on the floor.

This is just downright selfish behaviour from a man-child.

Why are you accepting it?

TheDeepLemonHelper · 06/11/2024 15:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MrsTigerface · 06/11/2024 15:12

I also have one of these…wow, so many of us. Genuinely, if I suddenly said (for example) ‘oh, I think I might be getting a cold’ he would, 9 times out of 10, reply, ‘me too’. I think it’s an attention thing.

wrongthinker · 06/11/2024 15:10

Honestly, the relationship would be over for me.

He's supposed to be your partner. You're supposed to be a team together. He's letting you down massively every time he does this.

Not to mention it's deeply unattractive. Why would you want to have sex with someone that needs constant mothering like a baby.

It's pathetic. Can't believe so many women tolerate this behaviour in their relationships.

doitwithlove · 06/11/2024 15:10

Your DP is being Pathetic.

A total man child !!

Twiglets1 · 06/11/2024 15:03

This would kill me.

Actually I would probably have to kill him.

CombatLingerie · 06/11/2024 14:58

@TheSleepiestOne glad to hear you are feeling better OP.

Nellieinthebarn · 06/11/2024 14:49

My ex husband used to do this, I hated it. I was never allowed to be unwell on my own.

GoldenPheasant · 06/11/2024 14:42

Try claiming to have a few pretend conditions to see if he claims to have them also, e.g. rigor mortis.

RosieApple61 · 06/11/2024 14:39

My first DH was like this too! The day after I had given birth he came to hospital complaining about how he had a bad stomach upset, and expecting sympathy!

Cattyisbatty · 06/11/2024 14:38

localhere · 06/11/2024 11:34

You have my utmost sympathies, and at the risk of elevenarife-ing, exDP, at the ripe old age of 40, and upon the news of the diagnosis of our newborn baby with severe tongue tie, decided he had the same issue, paid privately to have his (🤔) problem frenulum snipped, which made his appointment actually sooner than our poor NHS waiting list 8 week old DS.
And of course the recovery was torturous, much worse than a tiny baby because "they don't know how hard it is"

Why, was he having 'bitty'?

Mamasperspective · 06/11/2024 14:38

I would go out for a bit then tell him you've been to the doctors who have confirmed it's due to an imbalance of women's hormones and definitely not contagious lol ... my DH is the same (his mother does it too) ... if you have a head cold, they have the black plague!

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 06/11/2024 14:38

thingymijigi · 06/11/2024 14:34

My ex asked for painkillers because his back hurt while I was in labour. So the nurse had to leave the room to get him paracetamol when I was in the middle of having contractions (the type where you feel like you're going to die with each one). I ended up with an emergency cesarean - I'd lost 1.5 litres of blood and he kept forcing me to stand up and walk, even though I was too weak.

I'm so sorry you went through that. 💐

What a bastard.

Verge · 06/11/2024 14:37

FourChimneys · 06/11/2024 14:29

A very wise elderly friend of mine used to say that a woman should never think of marrying a man until she had seen him clean the toilet, cook decent meals and treated her well when she was ill.

A very wise woman.

Add in how he reacts to being told No is very telling too.

thingymijigi · 06/11/2024 14:34

My ex asked for painkillers because his back hurt while I was in labour. So the nurse had to leave the room to get him paracetamol when I was in the middle of having contractions (the type where you feel like you're going to die with each one). I ended up with an emergency cesarean - I'd lost 1.5 litres of blood and he kept forcing me to stand up and walk, even though I was too weak.