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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find this horrendously unattractive

214 replies

TheSleepiestOne · 06/11/2024 10:54

DP is a bit of an Elevenarife and either it’s getting worse or I’m just losing the patience to deal with it. I’ve been bent over double for two days with vomiting and a headache but somehow been able to run around after a toddler with an infant strapped to my chest. Still breastfeeding even though I’ve not eaten in over 48 hours. DP is off today. “Brilliant”, I think, “some help with the children and a chance to get some rest!”

No such luck. DP has been staggering around, huffing and puffing about stomach cramps. Logical, you might think. If one of us is ill it’s likely the other will catch it. Not quite. My symptoms are an adverse reaction to anaesthetic.

Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had an illness or injury where DP hasn’t instantly had the same or worse. I actually can’t remember a single occasion.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

YABU - have a bit of empathy, the man’s clearly unwell

YANBU - this is off putting

OP posts:
UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 07/11/2024 18:46

Genuine question....those of you in relationships with men like this, are you having sex? I don't think I could.

Clocksgobackautumngirl · 07/11/2024 18:42

My dad had always done this to my mum, it’s just so weird.

ParrotPirouette · 07/11/2024 18:39

I have one of these too. I have been known to fake symptoms just to test him. I have lost count of the number of times I have shouted at him but he looks like a sad puppy who genuinely seems to have no idea he does it. Twat

twentysevendresses · 07/11/2024 18:20

Rollonsummerplease · 06/11/2024 11:04

Well I just had to look up what Elevenarife meant! Another new word to add to the vocabulary I've been learning on MN.
Yes OP. I'm totally with you on this one. He sounds totally self absorbed and annoying.
Hope you are feeling better soon.

In my circle we call people like this
'Tommy Two Shits' - we all 'go for a 💩'...Tommy goes for two 💩 💩 🤷‍♀️

Timeforanotheraliasnow · 07/11/2024 18:20

If there’s any chance he’s contagious you must obviously confine him to bedroom with water and dry toast or similar. Then indulge yourself in something really great to eat which smells fantastic throughout the house. 🤣🤣

BevMaker · 07/11/2024 18:14

Snowfalling · 06/11/2024 15:42

🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

That wins the internet today 😆

BevMaker · 07/11/2024 18:12

thingymijigi · 06/11/2024 14:34

My ex asked for painkillers because his back hurt while I was in labour. So the nurse had to leave the room to get him paracetamol when I was in the middle of having contractions (the type where you feel like you're going to die with each one). I ended up with an emergency cesarean - I'd lost 1.5 litres of blood and he kept forcing me to stand up and walk, even though I was too weak.

I’m so glad he’s your ex…. What a complete twat.

BevMaker · 07/11/2024 18:09

TheSleepiestOne · 06/11/2024 10:54

DP is a bit of an Elevenarife and either it’s getting worse or I’m just losing the patience to deal with it. I’ve been bent over double for two days with vomiting and a headache but somehow been able to run around after a toddler with an infant strapped to my chest. Still breastfeeding even though I’ve not eaten in over 48 hours. DP is off today. “Brilliant”, I think, “some help with the children and a chance to get some rest!”

No such luck. DP has been staggering around, huffing and puffing about stomach cramps. Logical, you might think. If one of us is ill it’s likely the other will catch it. Not quite. My symptoms are an adverse reaction to anaesthetic.

Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve ever had an illness or injury where DP hasn’t instantly had the same or worse. I actually can’t remember a single occasion.

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

YABU - have a bit of empathy, the man’s clearly unwell

YANBU - this is off putting

He sounds like a bit of a dweeb tbh… seriously , why do men do this! Drives me insane.
I would definitely have a ‘word’ with him about this….

fetchacloth · 07/11/2024 17:59

Jeez, this would get on my nerves big time. 🙄😒

BobbyBiscuits · 07/11/2024 14:53

@Sceptical123 yep. Fully agree. What the fuck is wrong with some of them? 🤣🤷

Sceptical123 · 07/11/2024 12:42

BobbyBiscuits · 06/11/2024 12:06

I have never met a man who would complain about 'stomach cramps' unless they had a volvulus and were about to drop down dead.
What a fucking baby. And why the fuck would a darkened house ease stomach cramps? Did you tell him to either use some OTC medication, see a doctor or shut up. Tell him he's not as ill as you so tough tits.

It’s so interesting that a lot of men like to big themselves and their manliness up but are quite happy to pretend they’re incapable of caring for their wife/kids bc they have a bad cold. Also, why is their illness preventing them from doing so but they expect their wives/partners to power through their own?

That’s admitting they’re a lot softer (pathetic). Of course we all know it’s laziness and utter selfishness, but objectively - why do they think their wives are more capable of fulfilling their parenting duties when they themselves feel like shit? What’s their argument? That their ‘condition’ is much worse? 🤷🏼‍♀️😤🤬

Sceptical123 · 07/11/2024 12:35

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 07/11/2024 00:05

I've been disabled for many years with a severe spinal problem, but I always try to make the best of it, and rarely complain or make a fuss. However, my DH then developed a back problem about 5 years ago, and was clearly trying to find a way of getting attention, but without actually saying that his pain was worse than mine. So every time he was in pain, he grunted really loudly as he walked around. I got really fed up with this awful grunting with every footstep, as it was clearly unnecessary, so I started taking the piss, making loud exaggerated grunting noises, every time he walked past. Initially he looked at me as if he was angry that I was taking the mic, so I just said "sorry darling, just trying to make you laugh, so that it doesn't get you down". Having said that, he couldn't really say that I was being nasty, so now if he grunts I start taking the mic, and it soon stops. I think he knows that he's pushing his luck, as my situation is MUCH worse than his, and I do give him sympathy when I know he's genuinely suffering, but I can't be arsed with people who like to wallow, and he knows it's no good complaining of pain, if he hasn't taken anything for it, as I have no patience whatsoever, for people who moan but won't do anything to help themselves. So what I'd like to know, is WHY these men feel they have to make such a drama out of being poorly, when we women just get on with it?

If he starts grunting again maybe you start whenever you move. He sounds a complete berk. You have my deep sympathy for your pain(s)

Sceptical123 · 07/11/2024 12:27

pinkpetunias · 07/11/2024 06:58

My dad does this. He has always done it to my mum but I noticed that when my brother and I got older he did it to us too! I moved out years ago but it would drive me round the twist, if I had a headache he had one too, if I felt under the weather he did too. It’s making me rage just thinking about it.

That sounds like classic attention seeking

wrongthinker · 07/11/2024 11:03

I don't get it. Why does any woman tolerate this? It's grossly unattractive and pathetic behaviour. It's lying and faking being unwell so they don't have to care for you. What kind of a person does that? Surely you would have to be incredibly selfish and dishonest? Why stay with someone like this?

LemonSherbertDabs · 07/11/2024 10:37

"Unattractive" is not quite nailing it is it?

You're talking about him as if he's wearing the wrong socks or has had a dodgy haircut.

It's utterly disgraceful behaviour from an adult man.
Why is he 'competing' with your illness?

Raise the bar and either he changes his behaviour or leave and set yourself free.

LemonSherbertDabs · 07/11/2024 10:33

Youvebeenframed · 06/11/2024 15:36

😂😂 “Elevenerife”
I love this fucking brilliant quintessentially British put down 😆

Is there a Twelverife?

Katiesaidthat · 07/11/2024 08:45

I love this thread. The dressing gown of doom and the ill voice did it for me. I was in stitches all afternoon trying not to laugh alone as I was walking down the street. Weirdo and all that...
I pulled my husband up on this for the first time after reading this thread yesterday. He was most annoyed. It was satisfying. He denies doing this two minutes after telling him my back was playing up again so I am starting pilates on Friday after finishing physio. Ohhhh his legs, ohhhh his back. Much worse than my mum who was left disabled after being run over and then had cancer on top, because of course, she was so much older when it happened. Erm, no, she was 2 years younger than you are now...

Verge · 07/11/2024 08:14

Remember OP, when he pretends to be sick, he is lying as well.

He is a liar.
Never ever trust a liar.
They are never to be trusted.
This is a huge personality flaw and I really do hope you take this all very seriously.

Keep family and friends close.
You are going to need them.
Take care.

pinkpetunias · 07/11/2024 06:58

My dad does this. He has always done it to my mum but I noticed that when my brother and I got older he did it to us too! I moved out years ago but it would drive me round the twist, if I had a headache he had one too, if I felt under the weather he did too. It’s making me rage just thinking about it.

Sceptical123 · 07/11/2024 06:09

Falalalalah · 06/11/2024 11:29

So now Mrs Muggins is off to the park with the dog and children so they don’t have to stay in the dark house where all the curtains have been drawn to aid the banishment of the phantom cramps.

So basically you're rewarding a display of weaponised incompetence? In the nicest possible way, grow up, OP. Hand the children to him, go to bed, and tell him to bring the baby to you when it needs a feed and not unless.

He's doing this because it works on you.

Also, OP should do this to him if she is mostly certain he’s over egging his symptoms - one wknd take to your bed and declare you are are feeling really ill and he’ll have to take care of the kids despite his sore throat. Having a ‘bad cold’ doesn’t absolve you from parenting duties etc, he’ll just have to power through it Like he expects you to.

Maria1979 · 07/11/2024 05:58

In one week:

DH has been to the optician because his eye hurt. Strangely it didn't hurt since the optician said he had nothing. He's booked an appointment with a specialist doctor because he has "trouble breathing" - blow your fucking nose🙄.. I'm just waiting for next emergency. I have been taking paracetamol for 3 days for a headache but noone is the wiser. We women just get on with it.

Powderblue1 · 07/11/2024 05:43

Urgh so unattractive OP.

How deeply unfair to you. When you're feeling better, please bring this up with him. If not, resentment may settle in.

Fern95 · 07/11/2024 02:31

I'd find this impossible to live with. If I have a vomiting bug my low blood pressure (100/60) drops even more due to not eating, even if it's only for 24 hours and it makes me feel dizzy and faint to the point where I can't even walk around the house. He has no excuse to behave like that. My partner looked after our 4 year old and 3 month old for all 3 of his days off by himself without one complaint last time I was unwell. This included all night wake ups. It is possible for men to be decent and not take the P. Please tell me your going to give him a major wake up call!

ImustLearn2Cook · 07/11/2024 01:47

@TheSleepiestOne Make a chocolate cupcake just for him and put craploads of laxatives in it.

Peachy2005 · 07/11/2024 01:03

Is his mum living anywhere nearby? Would be good if you could send him back there to “recuperate”, since you have enough children to mind already. Good luck, he sounds like a real piece of work!