To find this horrendously unattractive

I’ve got one of these as well! They definitely seem to be very much rarer than the other breed. I actually find it annoying, and it can unfortunately come with an attitude of ‘I don’t recognise my illness so I don’t really think much of yours either’ (or maybe not all the stoics are like this?). But yes, it’s got to be better than the deliberate, work-dodging, attention-seeking fakery.

Hypochondria and attention seeking are both deeply unattractive

Dear Partner

When I started reading this thread it took me ages to remember what someone said about a friend, but I got there: If you've got a black cat, he's got a blacker one.😂

in my case, my husband has mental health issues, and one of the ways it manifests is hypochondria. so if I've been unwell, of COURSE he's getting it too.
I know he's not pretending, I know it's mostly psychosomatic. but I wish that the looking after me didn't dry up as soon as he thought he'd got it too, and then would, of course, last longer.

Who is DP? Sorry- not too sure of acronyms xx

I would refuse to do anything. Why do so many women have weak and pathetic partners who make their lives harder?

I think Covid brought into sharp focus men like this.
My friends sister has twin teenagers with a selfish man and when she got Covid he was very busy doing his own thing and left his children to eat from the freezer and was no where to be seen.
It was as if a light bulb moment happened for her, finally.

Three months later they were going to visit her sister and he felt unwell and tested positive for it.
She insisted on heading off with the children to his surprise....who would look after him? She told him he would be "fine", just like she was. She told him get stuff delivered.
She extended her stay by 5 days as they were having a lovely time as it was summer holidays.

When she returned he had lost weight and looked very rough but she told him yes she knew EXACTLY what it was like, she had it 3 months ago.
He tried to guilt her but something had just turned off in her brain.

They are still married because the children are heading off September '25 to university.
She had returned to tennis to get fit a few years ago and is now playing every chance she gets whilst working full-time.

The children were busy all last summer and she made plans to go on two tennis holidays to Portugal with friends, and simply told him after it was booked and refused to consider a sun holiday with him.
The penny has finally dropped that she has one foot out the door and NOW he is trying to spend time with her.
Two little too late. Things are polite and she is only interested in conversation regarding the children.

She has an inheritance coming in the next few years and she has plans to be long gone as the children will be settled.
She has never looked better.
It's as if the clarity and detachment and getting fit has given her a new lease of life.

Sorry you are having to deal with this situation OP.
Respectfully though YOU sent him to bed and took the children out. This is your relationship and you need to have a massive influence over how it pans out. Of course he is being a completely selfish, self absorbed knob and of course you should not have to point this out, but if you want it to actually change, make that clear and do not allow it to happen again.
Personally, I would tell him how his behaviour makes me feel and as well as angry and disappointed I would make clear it includes not being remotely attracted to such a weak and selfish individual.
Please stand up for yourself before this sets in and ruins your relationship.

Sorry I’d be opening curtains and staying home. I wouldn’t leave my house after anaesthetic ! Hand him the kids and say you eed a break and walk off

Oh god, I know all about this. We’ve just had Norovirus in our house, DD age 5 was sick one time and complained not once, was a real trouper. I had several bouts of diarrhoea for half a day, didn’t eat for 24 hours and was on the mend, DS age 1 didn’t get it at all. My DD passed it to my DF he also had a few bouts of diarrhoea but was back to full health in 24 hours. DH was in and out of bed and the toilet for 5 full days but wasn’t actually sick nor had diarrhoea, I kept asking what stage it was at but it was just groans in response. However he then was eating full meals. He had the works headache, stomach cramps, joint pain, the rest of us had none of that. So he must have had a super special strain especially for him.
It’s the same whatever he has, if you say you have a headache and needed paracetamol, he has a headache so bad it needed codeine. I’ve got cold at the moment, I can’t wait till he catches it 🙄

I thought I had, clearly not tho'!

I had to look it up. Another word to add to my vocabulary as well.

(Minge and piffle are among my most used, but I can see where this one will come in handy.)

I voted you're being unreasonable for not demanding that he be a mensch and help you out. What a tool.

Brilliant imagery👌

Unfortunately, this was just the beginning of his crap but I did leave and despite his many attempts to win me back, I will never go back.

Funnily enough, I've been ill this week with a pretty bad cold and he was due to have the children on Wednesday as per the schedule. I asked him to collect them as I couldn't drop them off at his as I didn't feel well enough and he arrived at the door having suddenly developed a terrible cough.. Quelle surprise!

I put yabu because I would be opening the curtains, giving kids to your fella and going to bed.

I was hospitalised earlier this year with pneumonia and sepsis. As I was hooked up to a drip and having to take all sorts of supplements and medication, feeling very much like death, he was telling me how ill and exhausted he was.

The thing I really despise is that he can never equate how hard he finds it when looking after DS to how that is for me all the time as the one who does everything for our child 99% of the time. His work is so stressful, he's so exhausted etc etc, but then on the very odd occassions he looks after DS he has tolerance levels below minus. If I ever mention that, yes, it is really hard for me too he becomes so unbelievably mardy that I no longer bother. Even though it was burn out that put me in hospital. I guess I'll just die next time and he'll have to find a way to out do that.

The tragedy of men is they have to project a tough image to the world when, hands down, women are far, far tougher any and every day of the week. Poor, sick lambs, there there, have a lollipop.

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood did you spell it correctly?!

Man up, I'd say to him.

if yours is a reaction does that mean you have just had an op then? surely you should be taking it easy
yes i had a really bad cold the other week i felt worse as my B12 was due but i had to struggle on with my shop alone the one afternoon i had some time to go home place was in such a mess i had to turn round to clean up so may as well stayed at work would have had more rest!
this week he is ill and yes he now has covid or flu or similar not just a cold

My ex was like this too. We both had Covid and he literally went to bed for a week and left me to look after a baby and a 1 year old totally on my own. Selfish arse he is. All I heard after was his was so much worse than I was. Then when I dared to say I had to cope being ill and look after the kids he would then say you just better than me. This is just one of a million examples I could give. And this is why he is now an ex, don’t allow him to get away with behaving like this.

Well I married a health hypochondriac. He then had a serious health condition for real and over the decades has had many, many more, only possibly one or two could have been psychosomatic...

My sister’s first husband had this. She said it started with a man flu. It got progressively worse. Also wanted her to take off from work to look after him. Bring him tea, make soup, bring him tissues and clean up his used tissues etc. something similar to what you’re experiencing now, but she could not move, was her last straw.

Mine died 10 years ago. Turned out he really was ill the last time