AIBU to ask how to handle this teacher?

Bollocks. My DB was mercilessly bullied by his teacher who had 6 kids. You don't suddenly become Uber compassionate when you have a child.

as a veteran teacher - I definite taught differently (no longer work) after having children - I don’t think this is an irrelevant factor at all

Is she NQT young?

unfortunately there’s probably not a lot you can do if her classroom management is generally poor… but I do think work a meeting before parents eve to discuss ‘lessons from last year and how you can collaborate with her to help your child thrive’

ultimate school / parents / child should be a triangular approach - I’d approach with curiosity and requests for help rather than accusations - but it’s def worth a conversation

That's not how I read her post @MrSeptember , the OP mentioned specific examples directed towards her child.

In general, though, someone who shouts at a whole classroom all the time creates a toxic, unpleasant atmosphere. Frightening for some. I wouldn't tolerate that at work - would you? Why should we subject little kids to it?

If you are shouting then you've lost control. Unless a child is in danger, about to hurt someone or do something dangerous, it is not appropriate in a classroom.

The best and scariest teachers I ever had, the ones I'd never, ever play up for, were the ones who never shouted. They didn't need to.

But OP appears to be complaining because the teacher is not "incredibly gentle" with all the children, all the time. Her DC is getting upset just being around the teacher ever being a bit tough or asking the tough questions.

If your child has just moved from reception to year 1 that’s quite a big leap for most kids. Are you sure the teacher is the problem and it’s not just that your child is unhappy that they have a more structured routine and greater expectations of them this year?

Oh, and my kids' teachers were more than happy to take an "incredibly gentle approach" with my kids. It's very doable. If you shout at some kids they will retreat into themselves - no good teacher would allow that to happen.

(My kids are successful, clever ones who got great exam results and are now all grown up and doing good things in their lives. Supporting their needs was not pandering to them, they did not end up spoilt or entitled, they actively contribute to the world and work hard.)

Maybe you should write to the DfE and request that in addition to the current requirement of a degree and three years of additional training, all new teachers should also be required to have (at least) one child before they're fully qualified.

Totally irrelevant whether or not a teacher has kids. Having one child is in no way the same as dealing with 30 of them with differing needs

Your child needs an "incredibly gentle approach"? With all due respect, if that is the case, you need to be considering alternative schooling options. Don't get me wrong, it is absolutely imperative that teachers, especially of young children, do their best to support the children they're teaching but... your DC (and really, why the attempt to be gender neutral - it's so unnatural and odd in this case as sex has absolutely nothing to do with this and it just even more makes you out to be "that" parent) needs to learn that people in authority will ask tough questions, will get firm if their instructions aren't followed etc.

You said the teacher belittled a fear your child had - can you give more detail on that because frankly, askinga child if they really do need the toilet is not ringing any alarm bells for me. Not least because every teacher on the planet, and most parents, are fully aware that children regularly use the excuse of needing the toilet to get out of a task at school, to put things off etc.

For all those saying that a teacher couldn't possibly shout - er, yes they can! Have seen it myself on numerous occasions, primary and secondary. Unfortunately some teachers do believe they need to, and that it's a legitimate communications 'tool' to use. It never is, and certainly not at primary level.

OP, you're getting a hard time as a) this is AIBU and b) the comment about her being a parent has got people's backs up.

My DS was incredibly sensitive at that age. Hated those 1970s style teachers ("oi, you 'orrible lot!') who sadly still think that's how you manage a classroom. Tbf, I hate those sorts of people, too.

I don't think a tiny child should learn to be 'more resilient' (ffs) and yes I do think you should have a constructive chat to the teacher. Not at parents' evening though.

It may be that they are completely oblivious to their teaching style, or understand that shouting, belittling, and that sort if infuriating shouty-jollying-along-tone really isn't appropriate for most children. And that to get the best out of people (all people, not just kids) adjusting your communications style is a good way to go.

Best of luck, you sound like a lovely, supportive mum who supports her child for who they are (as opposed to just telling them to 'get on with it', which is cruel in my book).

"if I don't let you go to the toilet will you wet yourself? Do you definitely need the toilet?"

This is because they all bloody say they "need" the loo during maths/phonics/on the carpet and don't want to wait and go in their break! Some 5/6 year olds would go constantly - every time a friend goes, every time they feel a bit fidgety etc

Reading between the lines she is in the first year of teaching, in fact in the first term, when it is necessary to establish discipline in order to teach effectively. Children - of all ages - try to push boundaries until they have a teacher’s measure, which is probably why she’s asking the question about the toilet need. To get the best for your child support her, point out to your child that classrooms can be noisy and that her approach isn’t personal to him/her. You’re on a 1:1 basis. She’s on 1: about 30 and delivering a curriculum. There are a lot of teachers on this site, myself included, who have been in her shoes. As the terms and years progress she will become the confident, experienced, mature teacher your child had last year. Don’t go in guns blazing. Would you rather have a teacher who is inept and not in control? You know the answer is no.

I have been teaching for 28 years and I have not birthed any children. I was told once very early in that I wouldn't be a proper teacher until I had children. I'm still waiting.

Luckily the children I teach and their parents appreciate my teaching style. I am firm but fair. If I raise my voice it is because of a dangerous situation or to stop one from happening. Me and my class are a team and we work together to make the classroom the best learning and working environment it can be. No I am not perfect and sometimes patience is lacking but we work through that to make sure we still have the best outcome.

Work with the teacher, ask if they have noticed your child being a bit quiet at school and how you could help him with that. Open up the conversation in a positive manner and who knows you might actually see a different side to the teacher and develop a different relationship with them.

I think she needs to start by building resilience in herself.

needs an incredibly gentle approach

There are thirty children in the class.

If DC is 6 are they y2?

Presumably you've spent the last 2 years working on improving their resilience and independence?

Teachers in eyfs & y1 may have had more TA support and also the demands are less, as you go through school the teacher has to get more from the kids with less support.

Your child needs to learn to cope with firm instructions. If the teacher is having to raise her voice its because DC isn't listening/obeying etc first time round.

Its irrelevant whether teacher has DC. My child's EYFS teacher doesn't and comes across v nurturing, eldest's y3 teacher does but is firmer because the kids are older & should know the drill.

I was going to say this.

Wow.

I have witnessed the shouting, belittling comments to other children "if I don't let you go to the toilet will you wet yourself? Do you definitely need the toilet?"

There's nothing wrong with that! 6yo's are constantly asking to go to the toilet, especially if one of their friends has just been allowed to go! You'd never have any kids in the classroom unless you made it clear that they would only be allowed to go if they really needed to.

I'm a teacher and I'm surprised she's not been told not to shout
I’d be very surprised if she is shouting. 6 year old’s (especially over sensitive ones) are not the most reliable narrators.

I'm a teacher and I'm surprised she's not been told not to shout. I never shout these days as it's not worth my vocal chords. I certainly wouldn't be shouting at 6 year old and I wouldn't like it for my children.
There are other ways of teaching... just like smacking is no longer a valid method of parenting.

When did you witness actual shouting? You seem to have brushed over that. You do realise sometimes children report raised voice over 30 chattering kids as shouting when it is merely raising their voice to be heard. If your child is a sensitive as you say it is very possibly their perception is wrong.

Having said that, what's your own experience of trying to teach the curriculum to 30 children with different needs and backgrounds? This will be as pertinent to the discussion as mentioning that she doesn't have children of her own. Does she have a cat though?

Indeed.

Try to go in with positive suggestions. What particularly is bothering your Dc. ?

Eg your dc is worried about where to get new reading books from. Explain that a clear explanation is needed.

My dc had a teacher like that - very shouty, even normally quite tough parents were scared of her. She did have her own dc and was near retirement!

The fact that you felt the need to mention that she doesn’t have children is ridiculous and irrelevant. Also that she’s young. Some of my daughter’s best teachers were young and god forbid, childless.
I feel sorry for her and the teaching profession in general, that there are parents like you who judge them for this.

I was a teacher for many years and one of the most awful teachers I came across was a mother of two children. One of the most gentle and empathetic (in my opinion a little bit too soft at times) did not have any children. You're being silly with that comment.

On a school trip when we were far away from the toilets a child asked me to go to the toilet, I asked him if he thought he would wee himself if he didn't go right then or if he could hang on for a bit. What is wrong with that?

What is the fear that the teacher supposedly laughed at?