AIBU to ask how to handle this teacher?

If you think a teacher needs to be a parent to have empathy or compassion then you have very limited life experience.

A vet doesn't need to have pets to be compassionate towards animals. A doctor doesn't need to have the condition that they're treating.

No wonder teachers are leaving with ridiculous attitudes like that.
Childless / child free teachers can be great. They can be shit. Mothers who are teachers can be great. They can be shit. Fathers who are teachers can be great. They can be shit.

Having children doesn’t change whether someone is a good teacher or not.

Some may argue that those without children can spend more time doing the job, don’t have days off for ill children, go part time so are perhaps better teachers.

But it’s bollocks. You’re either a good teacher or you are not.

I’m an early years teacher, and I’m also a parent. There is no excuse whatsoever to speak to children like she does, it needs called out and stopped.
Confront it head on and tell her that you are very concerned for your child’s emotional wellbeing, if she doesn’t listen then speak to the principal.
One of my sons had a teacher at that age who destroyed him emotionally and he is only now, years later, recovered from it. She spends 5-6 hours a day with these children, they deserve better than to be belittled or frightened, there is no room in education for behaviour like that.

Obviously because she doesn’t want to reveal the gender of her child?

Do you know if the child who she asked would they wet themselves already disrupted the class several times that day by going to the toilet? That's not mocking them that's asking them a question.

Well said @Mildmanneredmum .

The problem with the OP's question is the language and attitude towards the teacher.

I work within a similar sector and there is a massive difference between parents and those who aren't. Compassion and patience is noticeably different in those who are parents as opposed to those who aren't
if you are seriously going to stand by this statement I would suggest that you must have a very limited life experience and have not dealt with many people . This might also explain why you feel that this teacher needs to change to suit your child rather than your child adapting to a different type of person . You will do them no favours in the long run .

Yep. I once dismissed my y4 class and got accused by a parent of 'pushing' her daughter. I put my hand on her back to usher her in the right direction. There was definitely no pushing!

I had a similar issue with my older DC (boy). it was the teacher's first role, she was very academic and the class that year was a tough group. I asked for a meeting with her and said words along the lines of "it seems DC is struggling a bit; how can we work together to support him better?" so we talked about what the issues might be, not her teaching style. It was extremely successful and I will be eternally grateful to her also for recognising that he might have dyspraxia and actually helping to get him diagnosed. She went back into academia after that year, and I'm sure she has had a very successful career - I hope so.

Whether the teacher has children and her age are irrelevant.
However, those saying that you are being ridiculous and your child needs to toughen up ..... well that may be true, I don't know you.
On the other hand, there are vile, shouty and mean teachers unfortunately. I have had the misfortune to work with a fair few. I think a few children cope ok in a shouty environment but most dislike it as much as adults do.
I would broach the subject along the lines of your child is coming home anxious and upset. What can you do help? That could be a number of things; the teacher may even appreciate you approaching the SLT with your concerns as it may lead to extra classroom support if it's a challenging class. Believe me that some classes can be an absolute nightmare and teaching is a really exhausting, difficult job.

one of mine had a very screamy teacher, she was unhinged and explosive, a woman in the edge (we could hear her) but it still took multiple complaints from parents for safeguarding procedures to kick in.

Parent's evening is not the right time to raise this. There will be little time and it's doubtful any meaningful conversation can happen.

Try and arrange a meeting before or after that. Mention how your child is feeling, any worries they might have and continue with reasonable and achievable suggestions of things that might work.

Basically.. Jimmy is struggling at the moment, we found x ,y and z helps and he responded positively to a,b,c last year.

Give it a while to see if there's any improvement.

You're getting some harsh replies here TBF there are a lot of teachers on Mumsnet and a lot of them have to deal with really naughty kids and parents that always back them.

But the ops child is not naughty they sound very shy and nervous I was like that as a kid and having one particular teacher who always mocked me for being quiet around the age of 6 really didn't help.

That’s really not true.

Perhaps you were less compassionate and patient. That’s a failing of yours. It’s not a failing shared by everybody and it’s extremely stupid to imagine this is true.

I have heard being a teacher is very good contraceptive!!! Being around 30 little lovelies all day makes you enjoy your child free home even more!

It makes no difference if they have children of their own or not (that's actually none of your business) - would you object to a male teacher discussing periods because he's never had one? Or a teacher teaching about countries they've never visited?

Absolute bollox.

You've lost any sympathy I was trying to hold on to at this point.

You don’t “ handle” a teacher
ever that’s your first mistake

sounds like the teacher is not a good fit for you or your child and this isn’t a the last teacher like this they will meet they will meet

tell the teacher pretty much what you have written here and see how it goes
your child should not be upset coming home and hopefully the teacher can adapt
if not, this is a harsh learn curve in resilience

have witnessed the shouting, belittling comments to other children "if I don't let you go to the toilet will you wet yourself? Do you definitely need the toilet?"

How is that belittling?

I do wonder how many would still ‘need to go’ if for every 5 minutes spent messing about in the toilets they had to make up at breaktime.

And we wonder why there’s a teacher retention problem…

All sounds a bit precious tbh

It didn't take long for this to become about being denied access to the toilet.

If this shouting and belittling is true and you have seen it with your own eyes then take your child out of the school and send him elsewhere.

I’m sure the teacher will love I at parents evening, a mother of a child who isn’t going what’s required and u telling them wot to do, and thinking they have the issue!

DC is a very sensitive and natural born worrier, switches off when under a lot of pressure and is very hesitant to try to master new skills and needs an incredibly gentle approach.

This says it all.

And the teacher is the one with the problem and who needs to adapt?