AIBU to ask how to handle this teacher?

Posted to the wring thread, sorry!

TBH I think you and your child are the problem here. It sounds like they need to toughen up and you need to explain to them that life isn't all tea parties and rainbows, should your child perhaps be in a specialist school if they need so much support and hand holding. (and yes I have a child and he is 7 and I'd be mortified if he acted like a 3yr old in school)

Couldn't give a monkeys about being ' that parent' myself.
If its such a stressor why wait til parents evening? It's not the time or place.

Make an appointment without your child, and talk to the teacher. Nicely.

Ask other parents at the school gate if their kids feel the same.

Tell your child to behave properly, do all work told to, go to the loo at break time, show empathy to your child whom is only 6, and make a point of a nice walk home, let it all out just with you, ask them how others react, how they think they can react etc, have a cup of tea and cake together, change subject etc.

Child changes Yr group in 7 months. It will be fine. Make sure your child makes friends.

Focus on your parenting and on building resilience in yourself and your child.

Firstly it’s extremely unlikely that a teacher would be allowed to shout in this day.

It really isn't! I was in a HT's office recently. Door was open and a teacher in the corridor started absolutely bellowing at some poor kid (primary). HT looked very uncomfortable and made some comment about the teacher having a bad day.

Have also been involved in a complaint hearing from a parent at another school about a teacher's behaviour and it was quite clear that the teacher was a problem and other teachers were concerned about her shouting regularly and not being nice to the kids.

Exactly! This is a parents job and starts with this type of situation. Children don’t get to 18 and suddenly have all the skills and resilience to get them through life, they learn this from parents and through experiences.

Firstly it’s extremely unlikely that a teacher would be allowed to shout in this day and age so not convinced on that one. Also if the toilet comment is the worst example you can give then you’re definitely being unreasonable! If your child is only in year 2 now then they will no doubt encounter many more they dislike in the future, not to mention future employers etc. As a responsible parent you should be teaching your child a bit of resilience to manage the situation not contemplating having a word with the teacher. 🙄 The comment about age suggests you had a preconceived idea that you wouldn’t like this teacher because she’s young and doesn’t have kids. I’ve actually found a lot of the younger teachers more caring as older ones are less tolerant to bollocks from parents!

Obviously there are times but the way this is written it’s not coming across that way

Some of the best teachers I know have not had children. Not being a parent is not a stick to beat a teacher with.

No one has to suck up being shouted at, at any age. Shouting is not part of a teachers tool box. I agree with others that you need her on side to help your child. Finding out more about what the shouting is like would be profitable. A good teacher won't want to be scaring her charges, especially if they are little. If they are older maybe a shout to bring the room to attention or a state of safety is fair, but not the self esteem eroding kind of shouting. Communication is key. An open line of communication would be helpful. She will want to help your child. But if there is shouting and it's a bit (or a lot) off, you might have to be that parent, ever so nicely of course. Good luck.

I have. Still complained once or twice over some things. Shit happens.

Post even !

Ah such a well informed pist. Most of my immediate thoughts about this are in there too. Particularly the one about 30 children etc !

Lots of parents don't have compassion.

Also if you have witnessed this in person why wouldn’t you report it if that bad?? Or is it ok because it’s someone else child but now yours is upset it’s not ok? Epically as you’ve said you’ve seen it in a volunteering role - surely you would be aware of safeguarding and such?

Have you been in a situation like teachers are in everyday?? Class of 30 children all deciding at different times they need to leave the lesson for a wee? No one then learns and the parents would soon be kicking off. Sounds a little bit like you are a manby pamby parent who it’s very much my little angel should be main concern. I went to school the other day and heard a teacher being very firm with a class and thought god well done you for actually not being too worried about being in charge.
also “shouting” can be taken as a lot of different things especially from a 6 year old.

Rather than giving the teacher advice on how to teach, I’d be considering how to parent in a way that enables your child to progress from being a worrier who is reluctant to try anything new to being a resilient individual who is able to cope with age appropriate challenges in life.

I agree with the last 2 posts from @Snoken and @Soontobe60

If you have witnessed then belittling children, shouting and borderline bullying behaviour then you should be taking your concerns to the head teacher, not the class teacher in question. And I wouldn’t be waiting until parents evening, not for a class of six year olds.

Parents evening is not the time for you to tell a teacher how crap you think they are, it’s the time for the teacher to tell you all about your DC. If you think theyre crap, make another appointment before PA to tell them your concerns.

@BlueSilverCats because I don't actually believe that the teacher is shouting at the children, I think it's a teacher who raises her voice to be heard when 30 or so kids are being noisy. OP has said that she considered the comment asking if they really needed the toilet to be belitteling to the kids so I think she is probably equally sensitive because most people (as you can see on this thread) don't think there is anything wrong with double checking how important it actually is for that kid to go to the toilet at that precise moment because kids do try it on. We all had teachers at school who were lovely and soft and we all had teachers who were more temperamental and there is lessons to be learned from both types and for some kids the stricter version works better whilst for others the softer version is beneficial. It seems that OP's child now has had a taste of both versions.

I'm sorry your child is struggling but you need to talk to the teacher about how you can build up resilience rather than criticising her teaching methods. The lovely, gentle teacher last year doesn't seem to have had a lasting effect on your DC's ability to cope with someone different.

The kid is 6 ffs. He can be sensitive and worried.

Also, there is no personality type that needs shouting at, so it would be changing her style for all the 30 kids in her class. In fact, there will be kids in that class who , due to trauma/abuse or additional needs are even more affected than OP's child. Some of them might not even have a parent that gives a shit or has their back. Should they just grow up too? Just deal with it cause... different personality types?

I was a teacher for a long time, I also have a child like you describe. Same age, I had the same problem with the teacher and let it go on far too long. I called a meeting, laid down everything that I had witnessed and others had witnessed and asked calmly why they thought this was acceptable. They cried, but the shouting stopped. In my opinion it’s not acceptable to shout at a child like they were. They need to be better. I know teaching is hard I know it can be stressful but they can be grumpy on their own time not your child’s time.

Your child and their teacher have very different personalities, the teacher should not have to alter their personality to suit one child in their class. Your child needs to understand that people are different and people are not going to adjust to their liking. It’s super important to be able to handle all kinds of people, even those that sometimes raise their voices or ask follow-up questions on the necessity to pee. Time to do some work on your child.