How much does your size/weight bother you?

I know my friendship group (same age) are the same. Multiple conversations every week about losing weight and dieting.

Wow. I genuinely cannot remember any conversation with friends about losing weight and dieting. Maybe the odd mention of having eaten too much on a holiday and needing to eat salad to compensate. Or a bit of a moan about tummy squidge, in the context of a conversation about clothes. But no more than that.

I am not sure if your group is unusual or if mine is!

Weight is all relative. When I had a BMI of 22, I had people literally asking me if everything was ok, daily. I was still a size 12 on my bottom, but my face, shoulders chest and arms were tiny and boney. I could have easily worn a 6/8 top. I looked very underweight and unwell from my hips and bum upwards.

The fat just loves to stay on my hips and bum.

A lot 😡 I eat reasonably healthily but I do like the odd glass of wine (twice a week and I mean glass not bottle!) and bite of chocolate!

I've been away from home for 2 months! The first 2 weeks I put on 3 kg and the next 6 weeks I lost only 2 kg despite only having a glass of wine 3 times during that time and eating one bar of chocolate every 2 weeks!

I'm a size 14, BMI 29 so nearly at obese. Nothing I do can shake the weight! I don't eat biscuits and, rarely cake. I don't exercise regularly but I do walk daily ☹️ I need to lose 11 kg to be in the healthy range. Any suggestions , apart from cutting off an arm? 🤣

The point in Bridget Jones was that she wasn't fat, it was in her head. It was a satire on how women beat themselves up for no real reason. Her obsession with food/ dieting kind of mirrors yours in a way!

But it's about what you took from it rather than the intention behind it. It seems a lot of people perceived it as she was actually meant to be overweight.

I think people care more about their weight than others do is true to some extent, but @Soyare you are right it does seem to matter and it does affect people. People judge thin people too for being obsessive or vain so it can work both ways. I get negative feedback from women who can feel uncomfortable around me for the difference in choices we make, if I say no thanks to food or drink they can interpret this as me judging them for eating it. I also felt self conscious when I was larger eating in front of other people. I’ve been at the large end and the slimmer end of the spectrum and life is probably easier socially to be slim most of the time, still get comments though. When I was larger I felt self conscious all the time even if people gave me reassurance. Now I would only feel self conscious in swim wear. I don’t mind the pay off or the sacrifices but there is a limit - if it was taking up all my thoughts and time and I was restricting myself too much then my quality of life wouldn’t be worth those choices.

Not at all.
Size 12, 5'8", 45 yo.
Lots of physical work, no alcohol.

I think all these people saying ‘nobody cares what weight or size you are’ are wrong sadly

Most fat people will tell you they have plenty of evidence that people very much notice and make judgements or decisions based on that

Those who are slim no doubt get positive comments about that fact too

So we all get repeated feedback from the external world that our size is relevant, does matter and does effect how we are perceived and treated.

So very hard to work on the internal voice with that knowledge

I think about it every single day, many times a day and I'm completely defined by it.
I'm 5'9 and 78kg, I exercise 4 times a weeks, weights, HIIT, jogging, you name it I've done it.
Ive spend lots of money over the years on gyms/coaches/diets and I'm once again back in the doldrums and at my heavy weight.
I have withdrawn from doing some sports where I feel conscious, I don't like jogging around traffic or in daylight but I like my classes so I go to those.
I think it's years of being conditioned and I know my friendship group (same age) are the same.Multiple conversations every week about losing weight and dieting.
We are intelligent women but at times I find it crippling but I can't shake the mindset either.

Great thread, thank you

I have friends who won't go to an event if they think they'll be the plumpest woman in the room.

It's quite common for women, in particular, to be distressed by size/weight on a disturbingly frequent basis.

I've experienced being my ideal size and it was great - I felt lean and light when out running or exercising, got lots of compliments, all my clothes looked nice.

Post-baby I'm 60-65kg at 5'2 and feel slower and heavier, my clothes don't feel as flattering, exercising feels less enjoyable with more flesh and bigger boobs bouncing around. So yes it does bother me, but we plan a second child so I don't see the point in focusing energy on fixing it right now.

Not my weight but my bodyshape. So it doesn't matter what I weigh, that isn't going to change. Care less than I did when younger bit I still think about it sometimes.

My mum battled her weight her whole life - I don't remember a time when she wasn't on a diet. It never worked.
Then my dad dropped dead suddenly. They'd been together since they were teenagers. The weight dropped off her due to her grief. When she died less than 2 years later she weighed less than she had for 50 years. Thinking about that makes me sad. All that energy she expended on something that wasn't really that important.
I'm fit and active - bmi of 25, so probably overweight to many of you. I'm grateful for all the amazing things my body let's me do - run, dance, travel, play with my grandkids etc. I take care of it so that I can keep enjoying my life. I refuse to obsess over how I look or whether I need to lose 7-10lb. Life is too short

You have to try and rationalise the fact that slim people have issues too, being your perceived ideal weight/shape has no material bearing on your actual levels of happiness. I have always been slim and perhaps I have slim privilege as I don't know what it feels like to be overweight. I'm sure some people aspire for a similar body type to mine (I'm not a supermodel btw nearly 50 but holding my own!). But that doesn't impact who I am, how happy I am day to day etc. My kids don't care what I look like, in fact, nobody does and that's the reality.

When I'm overweight, I think about it all the time. When I'm significantly overweight I hate having to dress to fit that, I hate feeling unfit and tired, and I basically just feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body.

I don't look at other people and think they look bad when they're that size at all - I barely register other people's sizes to be honest and I think people absolutely can and do look great at whatever size they are. But when I'm significantly overweight I don't think I look like 'myself' and I certainly don't feel like myself, so it just makes me miserable. It just feels and looks wrong for me.

I've hated my body since I was 7 when I felt huge because i could no longer fit in my sister's aged 3 skirt. I'm short and slim build growing up my mum's party trick was to ask people how old they thought I looked mum was thrilled when they said a few years younger than my age. I have grown up believing my worth is all down to my size and youthfulness. I have heard my entire life how my mum had a lovely shape until she had me and she's been fat since. She hasn't, she's not.
I have hated myself with a BMI of 17, I have hated myself with a BMI of 23. I think I just hate myself and not related to my size at all.
I was diagnosed with anorexia at 18 and the next day my sister called me fat and told me I didn't need to starve myself if I wanted to be less fat all I had to do was exercise more. I was over 20lbs underweight but in the household I grew up in that was fat.
All through my pregnancy my mum asked me how much weight i put on and my daughter was less than a week old when she asked me if I had lost my baby weight yet.
It sucks.
I think the optimal size for me is 21-22 BMI. Not so low I get the buzz to get it lower and not so high I panic. It's creeping up with age in my 20s my safe space was BMI 20-21. Maybe one day I can be happy with what I see in the mirror and not fret about the number on the scale.

Honestly - get rid of the scales. And stop following or looking at slebs and insta women.

I’m similar to you I think. I’m 5’3 and about 58/59 kg so BMI around 23. Do plenty of exercise, eat good non processed food but with plenty of indulgences like cheese, butter, wine, etc.

Yes like you I could stand to be thinner. And yes sometimes I look at someone with slimmer legs or arms or a sharper jawline and feel fleeting envy and resolve to eat less. But mostly I don’t think about it - I know I am a healthy weight, I know I am slim by most people’s standards, it really doesn’t take up much headspace.

A large part of this is, I think, because I don’t have scales and I refuse to calorie count ever. At BMI 22 you do not need to either. And it would, as you say, not be healthy.

How much time do you spend on insta or watching/ reading stuff with lots of models and slebs? I suspect this contributes a lot to body dissatisfaction. I have deliberately stepped away from this stuff as it just feeds life envy and body/face envy and that way madness lies.

I was overweight for a lot of my life, but over the last 7 years or so have managed to maintain a normal weight (at the top end of a healthy BMI, size 12 although I'm aware size 12 can be pretty big nowadays!) with various forms of dieting.

I'm never really happy with my weight though...always hankering to be a stone lighter, and admiring slender, willowy people.

Recently, though, I looked at myself in the full length mirror of an AirBnB (my own mirror at home leans against the wall and is more flattering) wearing my new jeans, which are the high waisted, rounded shape I have fought against for so long because they add volume to the middle just where I don't want it, and thought- "You know what, I look good! Yes, rounded, but still good!"

So that's a bit of a minor victory.

I saw this post and a bit of a backlash to it. I think it’s good you had questions OP rather than seeing it as others did as a dig.

It is hard work. It is the same as the messy house vs tidy house conversation. It’s important to some and not others. It doesn’t feel like hard work if it’s something you enjoy and you like the benefits. It doesn’t mean you have a sad boring life. It’s just that different things are important to different people. The daily dedication to counting calories and working out can make some people feel purposeful and it isn’t always a negative thing. But to some people it might be. I mentally count what I eat and I make sure I do a certain amount of exercise every week. It’s my routine now the same as housework. If that’s not your mindset you might be focused on something else that’s important to you, it’s not an indication of that you are lazier or less dedicated or you have no willpower I don’t think people should start thinking that way. Our brains are all different and we are all motivated by different things and different things make us happy and content. It is being content that is the goal and being thinner might not make you happy. As yes it’s hard work and can take a lot of mental and physical energy

I never think about my weight and size. I’m 58.

Can we just get something straight here.... size 10/12 is NOT fat.

14 and upwards depending on height is getting a bit large.

BMI is a useless measurement as some carry more muscle weight.

Me, I'm just podge and unfit and need to do something about it before something gets seriously wrong.

I do understand how this can happen, and how it feels. There is a lot of pressure.

I am 5ft 6 and 10st 5 and a size 8 on top 10 bottom. I could be smaller, I could be more toned but I am happier with my size than I have ever been since I was a size 18. I feel fit and healthy and I don’t want to be thinner. I also do not want to regain weight but that’s just me.

You sound successful and determined. Set yourself a new task to loose the weight you want to through Slimming World or Weight Watchers. It's obviously what you want to do deep down. I recently lost 4 stone with SW and absolutely love my new size. It pleases me every minute. I'm heathier, fitter and my clothes look better on me. Wasn't difficult just required time and effort to achieve my goal.

Just came across this image and wanted to share in this thread.

I'm overweight, I don't hate my size but do think about calories a lot as I am always trying to lose weight. I fear being bigger so can't see myself not calorie counting.