To not invite my neighbours son to every play date

I’d ignore different parenting styles and children’s developmental stages - is this an issue when you go to the playground?

However I wouldn’t entertain someone tagging along unless I want them to. If I’m seeing an old friend we are doing so to catch up and spend time together and socialising small children is a bonus. I’d just say we have plans and leave it at that - don’t be a wet lettuce. She probably thinks you are better friends than you are because you’ve included her in your life and friendship circle, give her lifts etc.

Stop involving her in your life
Stop posting on a group chat your plans
Nip this in the bud quick
Before she starts sending him round alone to yours for a play date or coming to join at your house if she sees you have company
She's also the type that will have you taking her kid to school for her and get you picking him up and looking after him ... because well ,your only next door .
I predict years of being walked over for you by this woman if you don't stop it now

How have you ended up on the same what's app group as a neighbour
Does the son go to the same nursery as your DD or something

Also you know you can block people on Instagram but you can also hide stories from specific people so they are not blocked but just think you've not posted any stories. So just hide your stories from her !

@Ambienteamber said it right.
”You have to learn to sit with the uncomfortable feeling that you've made someone unhappy because you haven't done what they wanted.”

Shes a friend and a neighbour and you don’t want to be unkind but that doesn’t mean you can’t do what you want to do. If you are on your way somewhere, just say it breezy and go. If she asks to come along, you’ll need a “ah tes, maybe next time” on your back pocket. I find it helps to keep moving.
You don’t need to worry your firmed turns up somewhere, just smile and greet her like you would anyone else. You aren’t doing anything wrong.

And 3. Pick a different school!

1. Always have a plan around 1-2 weeks away with her and refer to that. "Sorry, catching up with Kate today, the kids are just along for the ride. See you on Monday at tumble tots / church playgroup, shall we have coffee after?! Seeya..."
2. Start telling her kid off when he misbehaves. Either he'll start behaving or she'll fuck off, either is a win. If she comments just say "Oh, but you hadn't stopped him?" and wait for explanations.

That sounds very intense! If you dont nip it now its only going to get worse.

Imagine what it will be like when they start school.

You need to be a bit vague and mysterious.

When she asks why didnt you reply to whats app group say something like oh Ive been really busy didnt look at it.

When you are leaving house or whatever and shes asking to come along you need to say no, that doesn’t work for me. She may be lacking in boundaries and if you dont put a few up she will walk all over you.

Be vague. ‘ we have other plans’. If it’s a insta story she’s moaning about ‘oh I ran into my friend and we decided to take the kids xyz ’. This woman is nuts to think she should be involved everywhere in everything

Just say you have another play date planned. Don't extend the invite. If she outright asks why she isn't invited just say that you are allowed to arrange things with other adults and children and wouldn't expect her to invite your child to every play date. It doesn't sound like it would be a loss if the relationship became frosty

in your shoes I’d just pick my DC up and give them lots of attention, taking my child away for a bit for refreshments or to play, creating space between the kids and ignoring the other child.

I had similar once and in the end said that I’m going to give my DC a break from your DC and hopefully things will be easier in a few weeks. We actually gave it a few months apart and things were much better when we next met up

So? You need to get her to understand she doesn’t get invited everywhere with you, god she sounds intense that it’s worrying you that she might see a photo!

You do not have to answer to her, I’d back away a bit from this whole group chat thing in general because it all sounds a bit much…

But you are catching up with an old friend, just because it’s at a child friendly place doesn’t make it any less of a meet up with your friend.

don’t say play date - because the primary reason isn’t for the dcs to play, but for you to meet your friend.

agreed - stop saying “play date”.

“I’m meeting an old uni friend for a catch up.”

”I’ve got plans with an old friend.”

I agree you need to say what you are doing not what your daughter is doing. I'm meeting a friend, I'm going to help a friend/family member, lots of jobs to do etc. If you say your going to the library and she wants to come say OK but I'll meet you there as can't wait around at the end like before. Pushy people get what they want because lots of us are too polite. Not today let's catch up next week... Etc

I think 'no, I'm busy' is fine. If she complains again that you didn't invite her son, I'd just do a tinkly laugh and change the subject.

‘Oh hello - no not
free today, we’re meeting my old friend for a catch up, let’s go to the park next week’

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Don’t invite her to things you don’t want her to come to - that’s entirely your fault - and actually not very kind.

It’s not loving to ‘tolerate people’ - find a healthy level of interaction for you and set boundaries outside of that!

Yes to this.

You don't have to keep on being nice to someone who is not actually very nice back, and you certainly don't have to wring your hands over potential ill feelings because this woman has a brass neck and the hide of a rhino.

Pull on your big girl knickers and stop trying to please everyone except yourself.

Stop framing everything around your daughter. Catching up with your uni friend isn't your daughter's playdate, its yours! "I'm catching up with a friend today" or "I have plans". It is unfair on your uni friend to bring other people along - what if she had a private medical condition or a family bereavement she wanted to talk to you about? Obviously you can't stop your neighbour from going to a soft play place, but you could've stopped her getting in your car! That's on you. Just say no next time.

"I've got some errands to do"
"I'm meeting a friend from uni for a catch up"
"I have a family thing on"
You absolutely do not have to invite the neighbour. The son's behaviour is irrelevant - he could be as good as gold, but that doesn't mean you have to have him around 24/7!

Just tell her you're meeting a friend. If she asks to come along tell her no / your friend prefers one on one catchups or anything. Have a few stock phrases

You need to not say you’re going on a ‘play date’ at all, it’s a bit weird you even did - why didn’t you say you were meeting an old friend?

Not all social interactions need to revolve around your kids, and it’s also none of her business, she sounds suffocating!

I think you need to be brazen. Im meeting a friend. No you cant come.

If you make excuses it will go on and on til you move house. If your children are likely to be at the same school then all the more reason to establish your boundaries now!

Agree with PP, just say you're catching up with a friend. Another time you could say that something like

" my Daisy is in a bit of a phase at the moment so Im just doing 1 on 1 play dates for the time being rather than multiple kids. You know how it is! Anyway oh yes we can schedule a time for the 2 kids to play together ... but must dash now. Byeee"

Or if you want to tackle the issue

"Sorry, Daisy got a bit upset after our last playdate as I think Johnny got a bit exuberant with the toys. Maybe best they just play separately for a few days?"

I would be honest about going on other play dates and if she asks to come I would just say, "I would have invited you but it's an old friend who I really want to catch up with" or something along those lines.