DP has mentionitus about new (female) work colleague

It’s when they don’t mention it, you need to worry

I had good advice from a friend when this happened to me (mentionitis plus messaging a bit outside or work) and the chat went along the lines of “it seems to be you have a crush on xx, it’s ok and natural to have crushes but the informant thing is to set boundaries and manage how you deal with it so it doesn’t damage our marriage”. Knocked the wind right out of his sails and seemed to have nipped it in the bud.

This!

What an utterly bizarre attempt at a put down. Yet again if the sexes were reversed the answers would be very different.

Id be walking around quietly singing Jolene by now! Seriously though I would jokingly mention it just to get his reaction. When the penny drops he will hopefully realise the trouble he could be in

I like @5128gap‘s above suggestion. You are letting him know that you’ve noticed the mentionitis, and are aware of how proximity and over-investing can threaten a marriage.

A light needs to be shone before he gets too far down the slippery slope.

I’d go with something along the lines of “talking about Jane again? Don’t you work with anyone else? You sound a bit obsessed” just off the cuff, not squaring up to him

non confrontational, but letting him know you’ve noticed his mentionitis.

I had the conversation several times with my H about being careful of relationships with his female colleagues because he's always been close with women at work and prefers female company. Sadly it didn't help! I do think it could still be innocent though. I've had male
work friends that I didn't in any way feel attracted to but probably still mentioned a lot. Definitely be wary though.

Can you start having mentionitis about a new man you’ve met at work / school run / park / hobby group etc? And if he gets in a scrunch about it, say ‘Oh I thought this is what we were doing now, I’ve certainly heard enough about Margaret to fill my boots’.

Tell him to stop bloody mentioning her and all her little life doings because it is bothering you.

I like that one. Breezy, no paranoia in evidence but coming straight to the point, no hinting or asking questions where he'll immediately go on the defensive. Sunlight on a situation is very good for making things clear.

This!

I agree with you in the way of if he wanted Jolene I’d just let him get the fuck on with it too op. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want me the same…

So what’s important is apart from this… what is your relationship like? Do you feel it’s a strong union? Has anything like this happened before? Do you chat, make each other laugh, are you loving? Are you good mates too?

Just to offer a different perspective, I’ve had mentionitis. I do get like it when I engage in conversation with someone and find interesting things out. I’ll then come home and repeat it because I find it interesting. Never had any immoral thoughts or feelings towards these men.

I would just outright say how you feel and what your concern is. At least he knows then

yeah sure, than just ask him. He will deny it and you are going to be none the wiser.

This'd be me.

I'd be aiming for a more balanced approach but then get pissed off and it's how it would come out.

Ask him about all his finances and take copies of everything. When he asks why, tell him he's on a slippery slope to divorce so you need to know what your share is

I would go down the piss taking route.

Definitely monitor the situation.

Yeah, I'd mention it too. This could be helpful in giving him a little jolt into thinking...hmm, what is this? (It would me). We all know what it's like meeting someone new who you like. I was constantly talking about that person, how funny they are, the books they read etc with current partners. If someone starts doing it while in a relationship, it's something not to ignore.
I have actually been in this situation with my partner, and brought it up in a joking manner. And that enabled us to open up the conversation further and I had what I thought was a grown up chat.
At the end of the day, if they're going to cheat they will. No amount of what you/ they say will change that.
All you can hope for, is that after you've brought it up, they love and respect you enough to think 'hang on, what am I doing here 'imjustlikeyou2' doesn't like this, I can see how this might seem etc etc, will be enough to stop it before it starts. ❤️

‘Husband I’m feeling insecure because you keep mentioning Emma. I don’t want this to become an issue in our marriage so if you are getting feelings for her can you check yourself so it doesn’t come between us?’ I’d say something like that to my DH, and hope it would be enough to get him to reflect on what the hell he’s doing.

A plain old 'Jeez I get it, you fancy her' will hopefully pull him up.

I’d just be really blunt “you sound a little taken with Jolene. Be careful darling, you know I don’t tolerate that kind of thing”

I think bringing this into the open is the way to go - the bright light of reality shining on this possibly blossoming friendship can be the very thing to make any potential issue shrivel and die - good luck , hopefully nothing in it