DP has mentionitus about new (female) work colleague

Can't you just talk about it like adults? "Gavin, I notice you seem to be talking about Hayley from HR quite a bit, I know far more about her than I do about any of your male colleagues, what's that about, is there a bit a of crush brewing?"

It doesn't really matter if he denies it (he may not have even realised it himself at this stage) as it still opens up the conversation either way. It's an opportunity for you to just remind him of your boundaries and whatever it is he stands to lose if he lets this go too far. We all have daft crushes from time to time, but most people never act them so it can't hurt to just use it as an opportunity to check in and make sure it's a non-thing.

Starting a new job can be a time of vulnerability. Adults, and particularly men, can feel silly admitting that to themselves and others.

In the workplace, women often are the ones who are nice to the new person. If someone is going to be nice to you, it's more likely to be a woman.

It could be that your bloke started a new job and felt a bit vulnerable being the new guy. The only person who has been nice to him has been this woman. Whether she's been formally assigned to be his person or not. That's why he's rattling on about her.

It's not a crush (maybe), it's just a woman who has been kind to him. Men sometimes do mistake that for sexual attraction in themselves and in the kind person, but that's because of how badly men have been socialised.

Why on earth haven't you said something.

"“DH, do you realise you talk about Janice an awful lot? Do you fancy her or something?” He’s never going to say yes, but at least you let him know you’ve clocked it." @Sidebeforeself puts it perfectly.

@Tattletail, I too hope that @Imjustlikeyou2 has commented on his mentionitis. Posters have suggested a multitude of options for her to choose from. I think she’ll kick herself later if she doesn’t take action.

Years ago my boyfriend kept banging on about a female colleague... And I literally thought nothing of it until I saw them interact at a party and the penny dropped 😬 he definitely fancied her. I pulled him up on it and he was very sheepish. in my case it didn't go any further thankfully. I felt so stupid though.

Just ask him outright.

Reply "can't wait to meet her, when are you going to introduce us?"

F

Did you mention it to him @Imjustlikeyou2?

I'm not convinced mentionitis is a thing, and it's certainly not as suspicious as keeping a new friendship secret.

I've gone out of my way to mention new male friends to DP in order to avoid accidental secrecy. Probably subconscious. Wasn't planning on affairs and didn't fancy them.

Occasionally I've been very excited about a new friend - the kind of person you just click with and want to become better friends with - both men and women. And it's perfectly natural to gush a bit about how brilliant the woman I met at the party tonight was, or how funny that guy at the event was. It doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. In a few cases those meetings have indeed turned into great friendships and those people are as great as I initially thought they were.

Pretty sure if he genuinely fancied her, he'd make a point of never mentioning her name in front of you?

If it really bothers you, ask him to invite them both round and see his reaction.

Erm, respectfully, no. Just no.

This

And you sound naive

My first thought was to suggest you all meeting up for drinks or a meal. It might help you to see if there is anything there.
If he is going to cheat, he will.
Being friendly with her and her bf might mean you know about it sooner if it did happen- I found out about an EA from the EA partner. Then her husband. And her sister. As the saying gies "Keep your friends close..."
I also like the "be careful there"/"watch yourself there" comments here from others- it reminded me of Emma Thompson's character in Love Actually- still didn't stop him buying the necklace though, did it?
It might just be a nice exciting new friendship.
Some other good advice here on noticing changes in appearance, tastes, when he stops mentioning her etc.

No 1, you're not throwing away 15 years if you don't do anything, he will be if he does anything.

No2, just monitor the situation. That way you will know more, if you say anything he won't tell you as much.

No3. If he gives you treason and only if he gives you reading, check messages or recall deleted messages.

Encourage him to talk about her so you have maximum information.

Invite her and her bf over or to a pub, for pizza etc. Nothing major. Have others, like trusted female friends, round to give her a good examination.

Find something about her that will give him the ick. Casually. Sprinkle a little light disdain or contempt in and stand well back.

Look forward to family/ couple time with hubby. Christmas is coming so you're spoiled for choice. He just needs to be reminded what side his bread is buttered.

Don't worry and do something for yourself so you sparkle. This is just the fascination of the new. You just need to remind yourself of the woman he actually married. No woman, not even Claudia Schiffer, can compete with her.

Keep a close eye on it op. This happened with my dh 3 years ago . He was mentioning her that much I joked saying wow has she got golden t*s aswell the way you go on about her. He laughed it off anyway it escalated where she started ringing and texting him all the time, day in day out wanting his advice etc and to chat to him and constantly texting. I eventually kicked off as she was clearly after him, and i got told I was jealous and that he can't have female friends and carried on chatting with her. Of course totally disrespecting and red flag. I then found sexting messages, he was all over her. We arent together now .

How about something like, 'she sounds fun. How about inviting her and her fella round one night?' . Watch his face.

I think if it was at the affair stage he'd probably be trying to keep her a secret?

You can try to nip it in the bud before it gets there by just pointing out how he seems a bit obsessed, as others have said.

Honestly, your best bet is just to draw attention to it, and let him know you've noticed.

Many years ago someone new started working with me. We had a fair bit in common and a similar sense of humour so we got on really well. One night on a work night out another colleague said "You want to be careful there", and that was all it took. It was like the someone had opened my eyes and I realised that what I thought was just a friendship was me developing a rather large crush. I could see all the stereotypes, the ego boost I was getting from someone younger and attractive liking me, all the times I must have mentioned her to DP etc. I took a step back straight away, just distanced myself a bit, and we worked together for another 5 years, before I left and we never spoke again.

I figured that DP was none the wiser, and then a couple of years ago me and DP bump into her at a wedding. I introduce them, we have a chat for a bit and go our separate ways. As we walk off DP says "I can see why you fancied her....". Bloody mortifying.

So yes, mention it to your husband, he may not have realised himself that he's dangerously close to crossing a line.

I think I’d do a “be careful there, darling”. Some men are so lacking in self awareness it might be worth pointing it out.

I work with a male colleague. We get on well. That does not mean we fancy each other. Yiu are sat next to the person all day everyday, of course I’m going to mention him! There is absolutely nothing there other than a friendship. My bf also works with a female colleague in the same way and again nothing there other than friends…. Men and women can be just friends.

No they wouldn't. It doesn't matter who starts a thread about being concerned by their partner's mentionitis. They would get much the same in the way of responses as on this thread.

Agree with lots of other posters, bring it out into the open, make a joke about it, let him see his behaviour for what it is - bored male employee crushing on a younger, new, female colleague. Tell him dial it down in case she reports him to HR.

Chances are, she won’t fancy him and she may also not fancy getting embroiled in a marriage break up, not everyone is an arsehole.

You are right to flag it up though.

My DH said I had mentionitius about a man at work. He and I shared an office and our roles are very intertwined so when we spoke about our day over dinner it would have been unnatural to carefully avoid talking about “Dave”.

Most of conversation was about how self obsessed, annoying and incompetent “Dave” was, I honestly find the man unbearable but it still made DH unhappy.

I moderated my complaining and it all blew over. At no point was I considering an affair!

Does your DH have more contact with this woman than the rest of his colleagues, are they working together on a project etc?