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Original poster

ExH brought his dog in my house without permission

432 replies

CfCfCftooMuch · 05/11/2024 19:08

ExH just dropped off his dog in my house. For me to look after, even though i had said no to looking after him. The dc let Exh and dog in when i was out. They love that dog and of course had no knowledge of anything.

ExH is gone now for two weeks. Abroad. He just walked out and took off to the airport, leaving dog behind.

I've got two dc and two cats and work long hours. The cats have never spent a night/day alone in the house with this dog. He is kind and mellow, but a large breed. Size of a wolf.
I've contacted a dog shelter and might have to go to go through rspca.

Posting to tell someone. This is just one of many many ways he always finds a way to use me or control my life. I didn't want any of this. And now im left here calling shelters (which im asked to pay for), calling womens aid, calling rspca, figuring out how to do this without upsetting the dc, texting exH to sort out care if he doesn't want me to take this further, posting here for support, trying to figure out tomorrow with sorting out the kids, my work, other stuff, business meeting and my actual day job. Honestly?! Wtf!!!

OP posts:
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Blaggoshpereish · 05/11/2024 21:57

If you can get a kennel take him without vaccine documents. Board him there with all X contact details. Dont tell kennel anything about your angry situation. Dont leave your details.

That’s most humane. He can pay on collection.

Tell kids that it’s what their dad wanted.

NamelessNancy · 05/11/2024 21:56

It's really not the role of the vets to board healthy animals. In the same way that social services would be the first port of call for an abandoned or lost child (rather than the GP!!) this is a dog warden issue if the OP cannot cope.

Dweetfidilove · 05/11/2024 21:55

Nah. This is a valuable lesson to your children in how not to be a pushover.

Take the dog back to his house, leave it there and don't look back. He will get himself back home when he realises you're not facilitating his bullshit.

At the moment he can do this, because you'll be running around dropping and fetching the dog- exactly as he knew you would.

If he fails to get himself back from holiday sharpish, then you report the dog as abandoned, as then it is.

MissingLynks · 05/11/2024 21:53

AllYearsAround · 05/11/2024 21:39

It would be a bit rubbish for the dog to be in it's house for some days/2 weeks until it's owner sorts it out or comes back.
But so long as it has food & water it's going to be ok.
It's not going to die. It will survive. Plenty of dogs live in worse situations.
It's also not the OP's problem.

This.

It's not great for the dog but better than some other options, like being dumped/sold etc.

It will probably soil/trash the ex's house which means at least he'll experience some negative consequences and might think twice next time.

It's also likely what the rescues/dog warden/RSPCA -equivalent will advise OP to do anyway - no, it's not ideal but it's only for 2 weeks then his owner is home. Rescues/shelters are almost always underfunded, oversubscribed, have long waiting lists and plenty of dogs for whom that kennel space is literally life or death so if it's anything less than an emergency they will often push for a solution that means the dog doesn't come to them, even if it's not ideal. Not much is ideal in rescue to be honest, rescue is what happens when ideal has left the building long ago. And, again, this dog has an owner who is coming back for it, and rescues aren't there to provide free short term boarding solutions.

Attelina · 05/11/2024 21:50

Who looks after the dog when he is at work?

Can you contact them and ask for help?

That poor dog.

SoporificLettuce · 05/11/2024 21:49

BatFaceGiirll · 05/11/2024 20:40

@Lake9mo not good advice. 'Firm words' and 'just this once' cut no ice with an abusive ex partner.

The not thing that works is swiftly dealing with this problem in the most humane way possible that involves next to no communication with the ex

Drop at his vets. Or ANY vet if he doesn't have a vet. ' this is not my dog, I cannot care for it, I'm sorry to leave this with you' and then out you walk. A brief message to him saying that's what you have done and there you go - you've enforced a hard boundary with a hard action

This is good. And humane.

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 05/11/2024 21:48

IKEAJesus · 05/11/2024 21:47

Do you or your kids know which daycare your ex takes the dog to? Or could the kids do some poking around the house to find out?

I’d be asking them to take the dog while you’re at work and getting them to invoice the ex.

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yes yes this as they will be able to invoice him and know that he's paid before...genius. thank you, IKEAJesus, you are well named.

WateryBottle · 05/11/2024 21:48

Viviennemary · 05/11/2024 21:46

That is probably the best solution. If nobody else is available to take it.

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Please don’t do this. The contract with the kennels will be with OP not with her ex. He won’t pay, and it is the OP that the kennels will pursue for payment.

oakleaffy · 05/11/2024 21:48

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 05/11/2024 21:45

If he bought it from reputable breeders and you know who they are, they'd be interested and horrified to know how he's treating it, and probably helpful.

That's a very good point.
IF it was a responsible breeder and not a puppy farm.

IKEAJesus · 05/11/2024 21:47

CfCfCftooMuch · 05/11/2024 21:42

@Lwrenn Im not staying in his house. And im at work 8+ hours a day.
Im not a dog owner, but knoe that exh takes the dog to a some kind of day care when he works, so surely leaving a dog alone all day is not common practice? So it doesn't really matter what hiuse im in.

Do you or your kids know which daycare your ex takes the dog to? Or could the kids do some poking around the house to find out?

I’d be asking them to take the dog while you’re at work and getting them to invoice the ex.

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 05/11/2024 21:47

Floppyelf · 05/11/2024 21:42

Just let it go outside. I’m a man and that’s what I would do. If it gets killed, it gets killed. It’s callous but I wouldn’t give an abusive ex a minute of my time. All living things die. To argue against it is futile.

And I would seriously make sure my kids know not to push my boundaries like that otherwise they will end up like the DH.

Edited

can you eff off to mansnet or something

Viviennemary · 05/11/2024 21:46

StormingNorman · 05/11/2024 19:15

Put the dog in kennels and give them his details for payment.

That is probably the best solution. If nobody else is available to take it.

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 05/11/2024 21:46

Lwrenn · 05/11/2024 21:38

@CfCfCftooMuch as awful as it would be for 2 weeks, could you all stay at exes house? At least cats can cope with you just popping in/out and feeding them. At least that keeps pooch away from kitty's.

Poor old doggo, I'd never talk to ex again after this.

this is a brilliant idea, if it wouldn't be triggering and confusing

oakleaffy · 05/11/2024 21:46

Floppyelf · 05/11/2024 21:42

Just let it go outside. I’m a man and that’s what I would do. If it gets killed, it gets killed. It’s callous but I wouldn’t give an abusive ex a minute of my time. All living things die. To argue against it is futile.

And I would seriously make sure my kids know not to push my boundaries like that otherwise they will end up like the DH.

Edited

Abandoning an animal is illegal- and also incredibly cruel and irresponsible.

People get bitten by straying dogs, they can cause car accidents and get amongst farmer's stock - only a fool would let a dog loose.

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 05/11/2024 21:45

If he bought it from reputable breeders and you know who they are, they'd be interested and horrified to know how he's treating it, and probably helpful.

Operatenate · 05/11/2024 21:45

Did OP say which country she is in ?

HolyPeaches · 05/11/2024 21:44

SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence · 05/11/2024 21:41

Yet again, OP has been clear that her ex isn't going to pay. She also is skint this month herself. If her ex would pay for his own dog, she wouldn't have this problem in the first place.

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But the answer to the problem shouldn’t be “sell the dog”, which was what I was responding to.

oakleaffy · 05/11/2024 21:42

Cherrysoup · 05/11/2024 21:37

She tells them it's the ex's, he's liable. Walk in, say it's 'x' s dog', walk out. They're not going to be chasing her down the street as she does a runner!

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Vets are businesses- most have locked doors nowadays to stop this type of thing- Of course they won't take a healthy dog, and could have OP prosecuted for animal abandonment {Actually illegal to abandon an animal}

Floppyelf · 05/11/2024 21:42

Just let it go outside. I’m a man and that’s what I would do. If it gets killed, it gets killed. It’s callous but I wouldn’t give an abusive ex a minute of my time. All living things die. To argue against it is futile.

And I would seriously make sure my kids know not to push my boundaries like that otherwise they will end up like the DH.

Original poster
CfCfCftooMuch · 05/11/2024 21:42

@Lwrenn Im not staying in his house. And im at work 8+ hours a day.
Im not a dog owner, but knoe that exh takes the dog to a some kind of day care when he works, so surely leaving a dog alone all day is not common practice? So it doesn't really matter what hiuse im in.

OP posts:
SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence · 05/11/2024 21:41

HolyPeaches · 05/11/2024 21:28

What a stupid and insensitive comment.

It’s a dog not an object. A living breathing animal and should not be sold off to any Tom Dick or Harry.

Obviously the OP’s Ex is being totally unreasonable and should have booked a dog sitter or a stay in Kennels as soon as the holiday was booked.

The best thing for the OP to do is to find a local kennels that has space and send an invoice to her Ex. Not selling the dog off FFS.

Show quote history

Yet again, OP has been clear that her ex isn't going to pay. She also is skint this month herself. If her ex would pay for his own dog, she wouldn't have this problem in the first place.

AllYearsAround · 05/11/2024 21:39

It would be a bit rubbish for the dog to be in it's house for some days/2 weeks until it's owner sorts it out or comes back.
But so long as it has food & water it's going to be ok.
It's not going to die. It will survive. Plenty of dogs live in worse situations.
It's also not the OP's problem.

pikkumyy77 · 05/11/2024 21:39

You can’t afford to care for this dog: you can’t pay for its food and you need to be working to pay for your own expenses. If you can’t you can’t. Turn it over to any group that will take it and be absolved.

Jingleballs2 · 05/11/2024 21:39

Of course, just read about vaccines.. the kennels won't take it without it's records 😐

Lwrenn · 05/11/2024 21:38

@CfCfCftooMuch as awful as it would be for 2 weeks, could you all stay at exes house? At least cats can cope with you just popping in/out and feeding them. At least that keeps pooch away from kitty's.

Poor old doggo, I'd never talk to ex again after this.