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ExH brought his dog in my house without permission

432 replies

CfCfCftooMuch · 05/11/2024 19:08

ExH just dropped off his dog in my house. For me to look after, even though i had said no to looking after him. The dc let Exh and dog in when i was out. They love that dog and of course had no knowledge of anything.

ExH is gone now for two weeks. Abroad. He just walked out and took off to the airport, leaving dog behind.

I've got two dc and two cats and work long hours. The cats have never spent a night/day alone in the house with this dog. He is kind and mellow, but a large breed. Size of a wolf.
I've contacted a dog shelter and might have to go to go through rspca.

Posting to tell someone. This is just one of many many ways he always finds a way to use me or control my life. I didn't want any of this. And now im left here calling shelters (which im asked to pay for), calling womens aid, calling rspca, figuring out how to do this without upsetting the dc, texting exH to sort out care if he doesn't want me to take this further, posting here for support, trying to figure out tomorrow with sorting out the kids, my work, other stuff, business meeting and my actual day job. Honestly?! Wtf!!!

OP posts:
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PurebredRacingUnicorn · 07/11/2024 16:56

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/11/2024 19:48

Don't hand the dog to a shelter - they won't take it if they know the situation, the dog isn't truly 'abandoned' as you know he is returning in two weeks, he'll just claim a misunderstanding and the shelter is at risk of legal action.

If you lie to the shelter, they'll be at risk of legal action as they'd either keep the dog 7 days (if its a pound and you claim to have found the dog) then rehome, or rehome straight away if you say the dog is yours and its an owner surrender... as it isn't your dog to do this with, it isn't their dog to rehome... so he could take them and you, to court.

As you know he is only away two weeks, he wouldn't be seen by a court to have truly abandoned the dog, he'll again, just claim a misunderstanding, so you can't sell or give the dog away.

If you put the dog in his house and the dog suffers as a result, you were the last adult with a duty of care/responsibility to the dog, you may also be liable for that (it is less likely but possible).

Your best bet is to pay to put the dog in kennels and recover that cost from him later.

She does not have a 'duty of care' to a dog that was dumped on her.

Mrssmith3 · 07/11/2024 16:48

I know this probably isn’t possible but I’d be tempted to keep the dog and tell him the kids love it to much and as he abandoned it he isn’t a fit pet owner!

CfCfCftooMuch · 07/11/2024 16:14

@Whatwillbreaknext I haven't agreed to anything. No kennel or shelter will take the dog. And im not exercising animal cruelty by just letting him loose on the streets/abandoning him in a flat.

And I also don't need 'excuses' now or in the future to say no to dog care. What i need is this incident officially recorded and a possible restraining order since he has trespassed my home.

OP posts:
Teddybear23 · 07/11/2024 09:59

Please don’t contact RSPCA, they’ll put the poor dog to sleep

Whatwillbreaknext · 07/11/2024 09:27

The issue is OP that you have further eroded your boundaries in now agreeing to this. Your DC won't feel less sad next time he does it. And you can't use the excuse that your cats can't cope/need to work as you managed to this time. So your DC will expect it. I'd suggest the Freedom programme OP.

CwmYoy · 07/11/2024 08:34

Surely somewhere should have taken it in as abandoned. How useless are they?

The dog warden is meant to deal with abandoned dogs.

HappyMe6 · 07/11/2024 08:28

What a complete bellend no thought at all gone into this he doesn’t care does he. Yes I’d do the same ring the dog warden she:he will take it I feel sorry for the poor dog and of course your situation I’d want to strangle the selfish idiot. As long as he goes away that’s all he cares about

Weald56 · 07/11/2024 08:21

I think I'd have advertised and sold the dog (ands made sure I 'lost' the address etc). That would have stopped the Ex doing this again. 😉

ThePoetsWife · 07/11/2024 07:53

You really need to talk to the DC honestly and openly - explain you cannot do this again as you don't have money or food and that they must not open the door to ex in future.

RetroRay · 06/11/2024 22:20

This would P me the F off! What a controlling W your ex is?!?!

However, it’s not the poor dogs fault and I assume your kids love the dog?!

Are you kids old enough to take the dog for a walk before and after school? Do you have a shed or crate you can put the dog in to keep your cats safe? I get the dog won’t like it, but needs must and it’s better than a dog shelter.

Once wanky ex has returned and hopefully taken the dog home report him to the RSPCA for neglect.

Pinkrinse · 06/11/2024 21:54

Bewareofthisonetoo · 06/11/2024 21:52

Utterly ridiculous to suggest that kennels will ‘send him the bill’. Obviously they will want payment upfront.

This is completely untrue. Ive used many kennels over the years and you always pay on collection not upfront.

Bewareofthisonetoo · 06/11/2024 21:52

Utterly ridiculous to suggest that kennels will ‘send him the bill’. Obviously they will want payment upfront.

Bewareofthisonetoo · 06/11/2024 21:50

Pinkrinse · 06/11/2024 21:42

Please don’t call the dog warden, they are overrun with dogs and will only keep it 7 days before it is PTS. That’s not fair on the dog, him or your children. Put it in kennels and gets them to send him the bill.

His problem! Up to him to talk to the dog warden. And if it gets put down that’s one less neglected dog and useless owner.

TheMotherofDogs · 06/11/2024 21:49

Wow! Some of the comments on this thread are appalling! Shame on you all! Yes the exh is a shit for doing this to OP in the first place, but this is not the dogs fault! I’m glad you’re a kind, compassionate person OP and even though it’s caused you much stress, you’re putting your DC and this poor dog first. I hope you get a restraining order in place and make him realise he can’t manipulate you anymore! Wishing you all the best OP, stay strong!

And to @lasagnelle saying if the dog was an XL bully you’d have it put down, I don’t think I can actually type what I really think of you, as I’d probably get banned from Mumsnet! You’re a disgusting excuse of a human being. What a vile thing to say.

Pinkrinse · 06/11/2024 21:42

Please don’t call the dog warden, they are overrun with dogs and will only keep it 7 days before it is PTS. That’s not fair on the dog, him or your children. Put it in kennels and gets them to send him the bill.

RecklessGoddess · 06/11/2024 21:34

CfCfCftooMuch · 05/11/2024 19:16

He has no parents alive. Tonight i will lock the cats in my bedroom with me. Tomorrow i take the dog to his place using the dc keys.

Great idea, then report to the rspca, explaining that you explicitly told him you can't look after his dog, but he left it at yours when you were not home. Taking it to his home was the only option available to you, so now it's home alone for 2 weeks!

Whyherewego · 06/11/2024 21:08

You are a good person OP. And he's a right shit to have landed this on you. Make sure you document it all and do not ever let him do this again!

Iloveacurry · 06/11/2024 20:57

That’s very good of you. Any chance he’ll reimburse you for the food you’re obviously going to have to buy for the dog?

MyNameIsSharon · 06/11/2024 20:56

Crazycatlady64 · 06/11/2024 20:44

The post doesn’t say whether she can afford it or not and you are wrong in that payment at boarding kennels is generally on collection. As to why should she, do you think a “shelter” is an acceptable idea then?

The OP says Im really skint this month too! Scraping the freezer and cupboards for meals as to avoid shopping.
And also,
Kennels want payment upfront, which I don't have!

Crazycatlady64 · 06/11/2024 20:44

Oldnproud · 06/11/2024 18:28

Are you going to offer to pay for it? The OP can't afford to (and even if she could, why should she, as it isnt her dog), and no boarding kennels is going to take a dog without payment up front!

The post doesn’t say whether she can afford it or not and you are wrong in that payment at boarding kennels is generally on collection. As to why should she, do you think a “shelter” is an acceptable idea then?

CfCfCftooMuch · 06/11/2024 20:42

Update.. I havent found anyone to take the dog (rspca,kennels etc all refuse). The dc care very much for him and cried and worried about him all evening and whilst at school. Its not in me to be cruel. I also know exh would use anything i do against me in his twisted campaign in trying to paint me as a horrid person to the dc..which he does a lot whenever i reinforce my boundaries and try to live my life.

So dog is back at mine. Ive told my boss and colleagues about the situation (not hiding his bad behaviour anymore) and ive been given the permission to wfh when possible. They were all as appalled as most of you are, and luckily supportive. I will also log a some sort of animal welfare concern, type this whole thing out in black and white to my divorce lawyer and considering applying for a restraining order. I might be stuck with the dog for now, but i will make sure he will have no access to me and my good will ever again.

OP posts:
Bewareofthisonetoo · 06/11/2024 20:30

Just call the dog warden and let him know -he can the deal with the dog warden. Explain to the kids that you cannot take in a dog when you are out at work got 9 hours a day.
Too bad if t gets put down - not your problem.

housethatbuiltme · 06/11/2024 20:27

Michelle12A · 05/11/2024 19:17

isn’t that illegal if he doesn’t give you permission to enter?

No more so than what he did as the homeowner did not give him permission to enter, a child cannot grant that permission.

All she is doing is returning his property. She doesn't even need to go inside, just open door, push dog in and tell him.

Her kids can go feed/water/walk the dog if they wish (given they must have been old enough to be trusted with a key).

Anotherparkingthread · 06/11/2024 20:27

kittybiscuits · 06/11/2024 19:58

It won't ruin his holiday though because he literally doesn't care about anyone except himself...

If not the death of the dog then thinking he now owes the vets money will bother him

AltitudeCheck · 06/11/2024 20:08

I would take every shit the dog does over the next fortnight and put it in your husbands house. When he returns say you fed the dog and gave it water but didn't do anything so there may be some mess to deal with on his return. He won't impose on you like that again.

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