Page 12 | ExH brought his dog in my house without permission

CfCfCftooMuch · 2024-11-05T19:08:27+00:00

ExH just dropped off his dog in my house. For me to look after, even though i had said no to looking after him. The dc let Exh and dog in when i was out. They love that dog and of course had no knowledge of anything. ExH is gone now for two weeks. Abroad. He just walked out and took off to the airport, leaving dog behind. I've got two dc and two cats and work long hours. The cats have never spent a night/day alone in the house with this dog. He is kind and mellow, but a large breed. Size of a wolf. I've contacted a dog shelter and might have to go to go through rspca. Posting to tell someone. This is just one of many many ways he always finds a way to use me or control my life. I didn't want any of this. And now im left here calling shelters (which im asked to pay for), calling womens aid, calling rspca, figuring out how to do this without upsetting the dc, texting exH to sort out care if he doesn't want me to take this further, posting here for support, trying to figure out tomorrow with sorting out the kids, my work, other stuff, business meeting and my actual day job. Honestly?! Wtf!!!

silentwallflower · 05/11/2024 20:59

MissingLynks · 05/11/2024 20:47

For the billionth time, shelters don't just take any random dog that anyone wants to give them, they have an intake procedure which involves signing over legal ownership - something OP CANNOT DO since she is not the dog's legal owner.

It sucks for the dog but leaving it at the ex's house and popping in to feed it is probably the best option - let's be real, there isn't a solution that doesn't suck for the dog, and at least it will be in a familiar place. It'll shit everywhere and trash the place but that's the ex's problem.

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She can easily say to the shelter the dog was given to her by her ex because he couldn't cope, and she doesn't want it either.

The only legal requirement if I gave my dog to a friend , is for my friend to update the chip of the dog (the new owner details) or risk a fine of 500 quid. She just has to say she was given the dog but she has changed her mind, he doesn't want it back, and she didn't get round to changing the details on the chip.

There is no 'signing over legal ownership' for fucks sake when you take someones dog, the onus is on the new owner to update the chip, and loads of people don't , just like many people don't even have their dog registered at vets.

BatFaceGiirll · 05/11/2024 20:59

@MissingLynks I'm sure they will refuse.

They'd be refusing to my back as I walked out - very apologetic of course

What other option is there? Suck it up and show him he's won? Leave the dog alone in a house? (Could never do that!)

Or treat it like the poor abandoned animal it is? Seems like the only humane option to me

Spondoolies · 05/11/2024 20:59

What if someone chucked their snake or llama in your house, would you have to look after that as well? Can’t believe some people are saying you should just look after it. Yes it’s shit for the dog but that’s on the Ex to sort out, not OP.

Thelnebriati · 05/11/2024 20:58

This is a tricky legal situation because if OP leaves the dog at her ex's house knowing he isn't there, she is the one who has abandoned it.

She should talk to the RSPCE and if she can't contact them, a vet. Huskies have a high prey drive and its not safe for her to go out and leave the dog with her cats.

pikkumyy77 · 05/11/2024 20:57

I agree with taking the dog back and just leaving it there with food for a few days. Let him know and then wash your hands of it. He can tey to get a friend to take care of it. You can not let it be your problem.

SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence · 05/11/2024 20:56

Yes, how is this not genuine abandonment?

MissingLynks · 05/11/2024 20:56

HermioneWeasley · 05/11/2024 20:52

Why should OP spend her time and money “popping round to feed it” daily? I say take it back, leave some food and water and text him to say that’s what you’ve done.

do not get involved further.

the dog is his responsibility. Any suffering by the dog is as a result of him

I think people are acting on the assumption that OP is actually a decent human being who'd rather not see the dog left to starve alone in a house for two weeks?

ChampaignSupernova · 05/11/2024 20:56

Mumofyellows · 05/11/2024 20:52

Dog rescues are so hugely over run and pressured with genuine cases of dogs who don't have a home. I really don't think it's fair to take this dog there, aside from the fact that it isn't the poor dogs fault.
I would find a local dog sitter who can take him and bill your ex. There are lots around here who take them into their homes, and some nice boarding facilites. What he has done isn't fair on you but also not fair on the poor dog 😢

But this is genuine. He has abandoned his dog at her house which is totally unsuitable and no care arrangement in place. He is a negligent owner. You cannot arrange a pet sitter and say ex is paying the bill. He hasn't signed any contract and she won't get anything back for it. This is not OPs responsibility. Her best bet is to give him a deadline to find a solution or she contacts RSPCA and he will have to explain how he is a responsible dog owner to them if he wants his dog back

Mumofyellows · 05/11/2024 20:55

MissingLynks · 05/11/2024 20:05

You should be aware that the RSPCA/another rescue will not take someone else's dog from you - you don't have the legal right to sign over ownership to them which is what they will require. I used to work for a shelter, we had to scrupulously check for proof of ownership before accepting a surrender as we would be open to legal action from the dog's legal owner if we took a dog and rehomed it without their permission.

Even if you claim the dog is abandoned, many shelters still won't be able to take it as the legal requirement with an abandoned dog is to notify the local authority dog warden who may have their own contracted kennels for holding - they hold dogs for 7 days after which they are free to dispose of it which may include euthanasia. You could try calling the local dog warden and seeing what they say but it's likely they won't consider the dog abandoned and won't see it as their problem.

I'd also remind you that shelters/rescues are charities, they are not free boarding kennels for people having domestic disputes.

If you can't or won't care for the dog, you either need to pass it on to another friend or family member of your ex's who can, or put it in a boarding kennels and send your ex the bill. As out of order as he is and as inconvenient as it is for you, this isn't an underfunded under-resourced shelter's problem to solve for you.

This!

AllYearsAround · 05/11/2024 20:55

MrsSunshine2b · 05/11/2024 20:53

Have you called the dog warden as PP's have suggested?

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Dog wardens usually work office hours. OP can call after 9 tomorrow.

SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence · 05/11/2024 20:55

Mumofyellows · 05/11/2024 20:52

Dog rescues are so hugely over run and pressured with genuine cases of dogs who don't have a home. I really don't think it's fair to take this dog there, aside from the fact that it isn't the poor dogs fault.
I would find a local dog sitter who can take him and bill your ex. There are lots around here who take them into their homes, and some nice boarding facilites. What he has done isn't fair on you but also not fair on the poor dog 😢

OP is skint. The dog sitter is hardly going to take on the work with a promise of being paid by some random they don't know, and also OP has been clear that her ex wouldn't give her any money.

Solutions that involve OP having cash and/or XP being reasonable enough to pay for his own dog are no use here.

Nazzywish · 05/11/2024 20:55

Do not message him. Do not try and negotiate for someone to collect etc etc or to leave at his place. You drive straight to shelter for abandoned dogs and take dog there. Do not play this game.

GreyBlackLove · 05/11/2024 20:54

The dog warden is your best bet. You would need to make it clear the dog has been abandoned, that you can't care for it and your ex hasn't made any arrangements for care or collection.
But honestly I'd be tempted for a friend to contact the dog warden and say they found it straying- after it presumably slipped out of the door you left open for the cats.

MissingLynks · 05/11/2024 20:54

BatFaceGiirll · 05/11/2024 20:49

@AllYearsAround of course they don't! Absolutely they don't run this service. Thats not the point

They DO work solely with animals however and they do have processes to deal with abandoned animals. If you read my posts carefully you'll see that I know this is a whole heap of aggro for them but its their actual job to deal with this

Unless you're suggesting the OP keep showing this prick that she will do what the fuck he wants her to?

It isn't actually a vet's actual job to handle unwanted animals. Plenty will try to help out of compassion but it absolutely isn't their job to and plenty will also simply point out they aren't a boarding kennels or a shelter and politely refuse.

Mumofyellows · 05/11/2024 20:53

lasagnelle · 05/11/2024 19:23

Is it one of those xl bullies? I'd get it put down if it is

Really? At what point does it sound like this is an XL? Christ.

MrsSunshine2b · 05/11/2024 20:53

CfCfCftooMuch · 05/11/2024 20:43

I could whf if i didn't have a few big meetings tomorrow. Plus my own side hustle apt first thing.
This is not the first time he's done this, but its only been a day or two before and obviously he doesn't care about consent. I had no idea he was going to do this today though.

Im struggling as it is. He is financially and emotionally manipulative and abusive. Trying to gaslight me by whatsapp as we speak. I shouldve know this was coming since he uncharacteristically gave money towards the kids shoes on saturday, which he never does. Doesn't pay anything.
He always tries to make my life as difficult as possible. Few months ago i went away with the kids and asked him to feed my cats. His previous family pets of 10 years. He said no. So i paid for someone to do it. And now he just drops this dog off that was never my pet. A high maintenance one.

Have you called the dog warden as PP's have suggested?

AllYearsAround · 05/11/2024 20:53

Mumofyellows · 05/11/2024 20:52

Dog rescues are so hugely over run and pressured with genuine cases of dogs who don't have a home. I really don't think it's fair to take this dog there, aside from the fact that it isn't the poor dogs fault.
I would find a local dog sitter who can take him and bill your ex. There are lots around here who take them into their homes, and some nice boarding facilites. What he has done isn't fair on you but also not fair on the poor dog 😢

Why would the ex pay the bill?

HermioneWeasley · 05/11/2024 20:52

Why should OP spend her time and money “popping round to feed it” daily? I say take it back, leave some food and water and text him to say that’s what you’ve done.

do not get involved further.

the dog is his responsibility. Any suffering by the dog is as a result of him

AllYearsAround · 05/11/2024 20:52

silentwallflower · 05/11/2024 20:48

No dog likes being dumped in a house alone for hours. They are pack animals, not cats!

The RSPCA would define that (and any sane person that knows anything about dogs) as CRUEL.

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It wouldn't like it but it would be preferable to a pound.
RSPCA don't consider it neglect if a dog has food, water and shelter.

Mumofyellows · 05/11/2024 20:52

Dog rescues are so hugely over run and pressured with genuine cases of dogs who don't have a home. I really don't think it's fair to take this dog there, aside from the fact that it isn't the poor dogs fault.
I would find a local dog sitter who can take him and bill your ex. There are lots around here who take them into their homes, and some nice boarding facilites. What he has done isn't fair on you but also not fair on the poor dog 😢

Whatwillbreaknext · 05/11/2024 20:52

Lake9mo · 05/11/2024 20:44

Yes you're right - guilty of that in my life and suffering at the moment. But thought the dog's welfare and also the kids wanting the dog to stay should be considered.

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But what about her cats welfare? She can't leave it in the house with cats ot has not been introduced to.

WateryBottle · 05/11/2024 20:51

Sometimes I think I’ve heard it all and then threads like this show me men can plumb new depths.

although your ex is a cunt, the children also love this dog and you don’t want him telling them you gave it away or whatever. If you don’t have any joy dropping at a vets, might someone from borrow my doggy walk it for free?

BatFaceGiirll · 05/11/2024 20:51

J@AllYearsAround yes probably better placed perhaps

Outtherelookingin · 05/11/2024 20:51

CfCfCftooMuch · 05/11/2024 20:43

I could whf if i didn't have a few big meetings tomorrow. Plus my own side hustle apt first thing.
This is not the first time he's done this, but its only been a day or two before and obviously he doesn't care about consent. I had no idea he was going to do this today though.

Im struggling as it is. He is financially and emotionally manipulative and abusive. Trying to gaslight me by whatsapp as we speak. I shouldve know this was coming since he uncharacteristically gave money towards the kids shoes on saturday, which he never does. Doesn't pay anything.
He always tries to make my life as difficult as possible. Few months ago i went away with the kids and asked him to feed my cats. His previous family pets of 10 years. He said no. So i paid for someone to do it. And now he just drops this dog off that was never my pet. A high maintenance one.

Do what you said - drop the dog off at his house at 7.30am. Tell him the dog is there and you'll be back at 6.30pm, if the dog shits everywhere then that's on him. And report to rspca etc. Dog warden? Tie the dog up outside? I feel for the poor dog but honestly this is awful that he's done this.

AllYearsAround · 05/11/2024 20:50

BatFaceGiirll · 05/11/2024 20:49

@AllYearsAround of course they don't! Absolutely they don't run this service. Thats not the point

They DO work solely with animals however and they do have processes to deal with abandoned animals. If you read my posts carefully you'll see that I know this is a whole heap of aggro for them but its their actual job to deal with this

Unless you're suggesting the OP keep showing this prick that she will do what the fuck he wants her to?

Think the dog warden is a better bet for an abandoned dog than a vet.