ExH brought his dog in my house without permission

You sound like a wonderful person @CfCfCftooMuch
Sending you love and strength 🌷

Just catching up. Bloody well done@CfCfCftooMuch

Glad my first post helped. Sorry other alleged trained posts were so ridiculous.

Stay strong. Pm me anytime.

You have so much insight and integrity, OP, I think you've handled this brilliantly

@CfCfCftooMuch

I think you have dealt with this very well.

You showed ex (and the dc) that you won't just take everything he throws at you. Yes, he is still trying to make you suffer for it via the dc, but that can be overcome, whereas being seen to role over and let him walk all over you could have set a terrible example for the children in the long run - but I know you are already aware of that.

Just keep on modelling respectable and responsible behaviour to your dcs, as you have been doing, and hopefully they will see exactly how things really are when they become young adults, and will love you all the more for how you handle things.

Good luck going forward, and stay strong.

Yes I agree.

Op works long hours so her having the dog was always a non starter.

So what was the point to it all?

Well, not having the dog looked after that's for sure!

I think you’ve handled this situation admirably @CfCfCftooMuch
well done.

@CfCfCftooMuch I am glad your nasty, disrespectful, controlling, abusive EXH has found a solution to HIS problem.

I am assuming he does not have keys to your place, so your children need to be told, in no uncertain terms, that he is not allowed in the house, no matter what. No excuses, no exceptions. They are old enough to understand some of what is going on. If they need it, get them someone to talk to so they can comprehend the danger they could put YOU in by letting him into your space. Make sure he knows that entering your house, ever again, will result in trespass charges.

He sounds like a worthless twat waffle, and I am really sorry to have to deal with that idjit.

Oh please, tell us how the OP should have dealt with this without upsetting the kids. How did SHE create any drama or upset?

Are you the EXH? You sound misogynistic as hell.

Her cats should not have to cope.

She should not have her ex’s responsibilities dumped on her without consent.

It is abusive behaviour to both his ex and the dog.

What a dirtbag. I would take the job to the shelter and drop him off. Tell them the dog is abandoned. They can get details from the dogs chip and your ex can pick up the dog when he gets back. Do not waste anymore time or energy on this for your own sake. Stop trying to figure it out or create a solution which is what your ex is expecting. He can get as angry as he likes but remember - you are in control. You decide what happens. You aren’t at fault. If you stand up and fight back enough he may stop doing these things. Good luck.

Seriously? Talk about victim blaming

Dad is hinting permanent removal of the dog and it's all mums fault because she doesn't want to care for HIS ANIMAL when she said NO he is driving a wedge between her and the children

You are still being abused.

Now op you move on. You get your front door double locked at all times so dc can’t let anyone in ( a safety risk in itself)

You stop all WhatsApp messages and go through formal emails only - with an email account set up just for this purpose with an auto responder message of the days and hours it will be checked,

You ask him for zero favours, ever, even if your legs are falling off. You find your own safety net.

You do absolutely nothing for him ever. The answer is always no.

Cut him out of your life beyond child arrangements from today. You become unreachable.

I’d text and say it’ll be going to a shelter and he can pay the bill when it’s collected

The naivety is strong in this one.....

I also heard exh tell dc13 on speaker that the dog has to go 'because mum doesn't want him there' and 'she doesnt care where he goes as long as hes out of her house'

But he's not lying here. That's exactly what you've posted. You're contributing to the upset of your kids here. Yes he's done the wrong thing but there's ways to deal with it with creating a drama and upset for your kids.

It's 'etc' not 'ect' by the way.

What a horrid, thoughtless and dangerous suggestion. This is typical of people who think: 'It's only a dog'. This situation is not the dog's fault and 'selling' the dog, even if that was possible will mean the dog ends up as bait for a dog fighting set up.

I disagree with you. And yes I and many on here have been through similar. Boundaries are really important. Quite frankly he dumps a dog on you that isnt yours - off the dog home straight away. Not your issue. And your DC are going to need to grow up quite fast. That's not bullying to point that out to you.

“Boundaries “ is not a magic solution—like waving garlic at a vampire. Sometimes it can be very difficult to reset, or even to effect, an abusive relationship. OP has shown she understands what is happening but does not have perfect freedom and safety to sucessfully prevent some of his strategies of abuse. All these assertions that OP is somehow “accepting “ the abuse are really off and unfair. There is no “one weird trick” that flummoxes abusive men.

Once again, the solution to none of this is to simply leave the dog in a "built up area".

I am pointing out that this will happen again and again. This isn't a normal case of 'think of the poor dog'. This is a dog, being abused by a man in order to abuse his ex. The best thing that could happen to this dog is it be rehomed. Instead it will be passed back and forth between OP and the ex. The child will walk in with the dog and say 'it's only for 3 days this time'. Child walks in with dog 'Dad says it has to live here or he will have it PTS'. Child walks in with new puppy 'Dad bought us dog that lives here'. Ect ect ect with all the animal abuse that happens in the process, stress on OP and DC normalising the situation and learning manipulation tactics in the process.

What an absolutely shitty comment.

Are you genuinely criticising the OP for not just leaving the dog in a "built up area"?? Even if you don't care if the dog gets hit by a car, consider the poor person who might be involved in the accident it causes.