Another Christmas hosting one...

Get your husband to get caterers in for his mother's gathering. They will do it all, prep, food, serving, drinks, clear up. Give bill to his mother or she can share the cost with her son.

You have done your bit already and I admire you for your kindness up to now. Time to change the record but keep the music.

It's one day. Yes it's a bit of work for you but is it really too much to ask?

12 courses is a LOT of work. The planning, the shopping, the cooking, the clearing up and washing up afterwards. And yes it IS too much to ask of a young family with three kids.

It will also can their own Christmas Day because they'll be too knackered to do anything and anyway they'll be sick of the sight of food to prep, cook and clear up.

However if you think it's only a bit of work and not too much to ask I'm sure the OP would give you the MIL's address if you're volunteering.

You're being unreasonable but as it's your MIL people on here will tell you you're fine and to tell the old biddy to fuck off etc.

It's one day. Yes it's a bit of work for you but is it really too much to ask?

I would shut this shit right down! Shes being really selfish and you need to start standing up for yourself.

And it could be anyone's last Christmas when you think about it - none of us get a guarantee. Would you want to have spent your last Christmas completely stressed out because some selfish old woman (who has had years of doing it her way) thinks she can delegate her cultural traditions ( not yours) to you?

What does she expect to happen on Christmas Day?

Many cultures give Christmas Eve prominence over Christmas Day. This does take a bit of getting used to if you are British. We stayed with our Brazilian family one year and it was very different, particularly the turkey being served with pineapple at midnight on Christmas Eve,
The next year one of the Brazilian family stayed with us for Christmas. She was equally puzzled by our usual low-key activity on Christmas Eve.
But the flaming of the Christmas Pudding was a great hit and even more so the crackers. Unknown in Brazil apparently. She wrote on Facebook about the amazing ritual of crossed hands and synchronised pulling.

A three course buffet. That's all you should do. But lie and tell her it will be all the bells and whistles.

Commandeer friends and other family to pour drinks, and help out.

Be firm. You are doing your bit, just not martyring yourself. All will be well. I mean what can Mum say anyway? She will see her family and friends, have a great traditional (for her) Christmas Eve and if she wants more, she arranges it herself.

That's a fair compromise I think.

Get your DH to tell her that this year it's being held at a restaurant, and it's that or nothing. You've done it for X years and this year it's changing.

Aah, the old this may be my last Christmas routine- my Grandmother starting saying this when she was late 50's, she lived until her mid 80s. It's pure emotional blackmail Op

Absolutely not unreasonable. If she wants to do it, tell her to hire in some help.

Very unfair to ruin all of your Christmases- your kids are only small for a short time. Enjoy your Xmas eves, don't make them remember you running around stressed in the lead up every year.

Sounds like she's had plenty of Christmases her way, time for your to get one your way!

Could you approach some of the family and friends that your mil hosted over the years and explain that she is not able to host due to agem Maybe they would be able to host with the help of other guests. A group effort so it is not too hard on anyone. Then you could just tell your mil that family x want to host this year.

I also come from a culture where Christmas Eve is important, we have huge dinners and drinks then so I've made it a big deal in my family too (I.e. me, my English DH and our son). I'd keep suggesting other nice things to do on Christmas Eve, that still involves a gathering, but maybe less food and work. Not doing anything would feel awful for her.

I would however not give in on the whole "this is my last Christmas" shite. My grandma did this to my parents for DECADES. She's still alive and well at 86!

And this maybe my last, age isn’t a precursor to death

so ill be enjoying Xmas eve doing something different this year - book something in a restaurant or get caterers in to do the food and everyone chip in for their meal

Is your MIL Polish by any chance? Can you tell her that you have no clue how to cook traditional Christmas Eve dishes and it’s not happening (you and your DH cooking and hosting)?

She's being unreasonable!

She's too old to host the gathering, she doesn't get to delegate it to you.

Offer a compromise if you want. But I wouldn't even entertain the idea of loads of guests and courses on Christmas eve. Things change... that's life

YANBU!

Your MIL sounds like she really enjoys her cultural Christmas Eve, but we all must make compromises - especially if we're in a position that we're unable to do things for ourselves.

If she's refusing to compromise and it's causing issues for you and DH, then you have to drop the rope and not step up for this year.

Make it clear she's super welcome to an alternative Christmas celebration though!

Tbh I'd just go with it and do it l, though if there's a lot of relatives, can it not be co-ordinated a bit among you all?