Not visiting for Christmas

Oldest by any chance? It’s so hard to not feel like you have to make everything ok for everyone else but it will be ok. I’m the oldest and I get how sometimes it feels like you’re the only one spinning the plates and feel a bit betrayed when your sibling doesn’t automatically grab a stick but I think we sometimes need to understand that maybe nobody else is that bothered about a plate falling? Or maybe the plate needs to fall for everyone else to realise just how hard you’ve been working to keep it all going. It might not be just oldest but in my case and a lot of cases between my friends it was 😅

Sometimes the person is quite happy to be on their own.

A few years ago it ended up that all 3DC were elsewhere for Christmas.

My plan was to have a lazy morning, pastries & mimosas for breakfast, have a lovely walk, crack open the good wine at midday, watch crappy Christmas movies, nap & order Chinese for dinner - do you think anyone would give me peace? Nope!

For months beforehand all I got was "you can't have Chinese for Christmas dinner" (eh I can, I don't even like turkey), "you can't spend Christmas Day by yourself" (I could, I was a 40yo woman) It was relentless so much so that I felt guilty that they'd feel bad for me, ended up giving in & I've regretted it ever since.

Unfortunately the opportunity hasn't presented itself since but when it does you can bet I won't be telling a soul until Boxing Day!

I don’t think your sister is unreasonable for wanting to spend Christmas with her boyfriend. You’re angry because it doesn’t suit your plans that she does this, but she shouldn’t be guilt tripped into changing her plans because you had another baby and will be giving birth near Christmas. I’m sure your dad will be fine. You’re not unreasonable for feeling bad for him, but you are for putting the blame on your sister because her plans don’t suit you.

I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable. It totally gripes my sh*t when people use children as an excuse to not do something, my DS was 5days old when we travelled (with our dog) 13.5 hrs in a car to visit family (and we only got out of hospital when he was 4days old), he was then 11days old when we traveled a further 5hrs in a car to visit my husbands family. He was then 8wks old when I flew (alone) with him to go back and visit my family and again at 14wks old. It's harder but by no means impossible.

I’m just interested that people see it as she can do whatever she likes and shouldn’t feel guilty.

She shouldn’t feel guilty neither should you. It’s interesting you find she’s being selfish for putting herself first but that’s exactly what you are doing putting yourself first. So do you think you’re both selfish? I think you only want to make your sister feel guilty and go to ease your conscience

I understand that you will not be well enough to travel if you are recovering from a c section. I would not be happy to leave an ill family member alone at Christmas either.
That being said, if your sister wants a Christmas without family she has the right to do so, so it's not reasonable for you to expect her to change her wishes because your circumstances are changing.
I really hope your dad actually is happy to spend the day alone, and isn't just saying that to make others feel better.

You won't travel yet you expect your sister to travel - Yes YABVVU!

Ok I’ll revise my answer based on your drip feed. It’s generally better to include all relevant information in your original post and the fact that you will be ten days post partum definitely changes things. Why didn’t you think that would be relevant to include?
You can’t travel and your sister doesn’t want to. She’ll have her own reasons and whether you consider her selfish or not is by the by. She’s entitled to decide not to go. This might not be the only year you don’t go- next year youll be more able to travel but if you decided you didn’t want to with two small children your choice would be still be valid, as hers is now.

You have to either live with it or brace yourself for a challenging (but probably not unmanageable) trip to your dad’s. What other option is there? I would go for the latter option in all honesty. People make long journeys with small children and babies all the time.

We visit my family every 4th Xmas. We live two days drive away. There is no way in hell that either of my brother's who live an hour away (from each other and my dad) would quibble with each other or me if one of them couldn't be with the others on Xmas day. They all sort it out and that's just the way it is.
OP while it's understandable why you can't visit anyone this year, you aren't entitled to blame shift into your sister. End of story

Also you’ve got to love when someone asks if they are being unreasonable they point blank refuse to accept the responses. If you really wanted to you’d make it work

So you won’t make a compromise and think you’re more entitled but are mad with your sister for doing what she wants aswel??? Hmmmmm yeah it’s clear where the issue is here

I am on my own this Christmas. I am currently constantly fighting off invitations, because people won't accept that this is more than fine by me. I am looking forward to some alone time for quiet reflection, and having a completely different Christmas to usual.

You have said your father has many friends and he has said he is fine being alone. Maybe he's like me, and you should believe him, especially as he is unwell.

This is a simple one.

You are not unreasonable to not travel. A 7 hour trip is going to take 9-10 hours with the stops you will have to make with a newborn in the back. It’s not ideal for them to be in car seat that long. My son was in NICU for 8 days after birth, I was still recovering from C Section.

Your sister is not unreasonable for wanting Christmas in her city with her BF. Huff and puff all you want but that’s my opinion.

Your dad is an adult and understands both situations. He will be fine for one year.

‘I will continue to feel a moral obligation to my dad’ only when it’s trying to get someone else to act on that obligation though right?

Speak for yourself, I’m going travelling in Asia over Christmas because I can’t stand it. My partner has to work Christmas Day, meaning he can’t come and I’m leaving him on his own (and won’t be seeing my parents either). If roles were reversed I’d wave him off and wish him a brilliant time as he has done for me.

Why is it okay for the mum who usually still hosts her ex partner every year, to choose to travel on Christmas and leave him alone, and also OP to choose not to travel but the sister just has to bend to everyone else’s wishes? Everyone else made their own choice, that’s not on the sister.
Maybe her partner’s family will be visiting them, maybe she’s had an awful year and doesn’t want to do a 10 hour drive and have no down time during a small amount of time off work. It doesn’t really matter, she will have her reasons and it’s not less valid than having a baby.

Just a different viewpoint to consider - you say you’re morally obligated to support your dad at all costs… but are you not also morally obligated to support your sister too?

Fact is you may not know the reasons why she’s doing things this way this year (just a hunch but maybe she’s not told you things going on because you’d judge her?) and maybe she feels she isn’t able to cope with travel/ socialising/ the pressure.

I think it’s fine to think you have obligations to family… BUT you are unreasonable to pick and choose who/ when it extends to if you’re taking that as a hill to die on.

I would be fuming if it was my sister, it is selfish to leave someone alone on Christmas Day because you can’t be arsed. These replies are odd and not what people would do in real life.

It does feel a bit like you’re building it up a bit too much in your mind. Your sister wants to be at home with her boyfriend this year. That’s it. It’s a perfectly normal reasonable thing to do and I’m sure next year you can all be together again. Your dad has probably lived long enough to have a bit of perspective and realise it’s 1 day, it’s a very long and difficult journey, he’s not well and will chill at home and see you all soon. You don’t need to be so upset. Life evolves and so does how we spend Christmas.

She might have her own reasons like she'd like to try have children soon so wants 1 year just them.

You can feel annoyed with her but you can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do.

Is your sister close enough to take him a dinner on Boxing Day? That might be a nice compromise

You seem to be excusing yourself because you have kids-travelling with a ten day old baby isn’t ideal but is possible. Youre just as responsible for your dad as your sister is. I think you feel guilty and you’re projecting tbh.

Your sister gets to make her own decisions and it's absolutely nothing to do with you.

we prefer to have a room for each child and ourselves
You’re just making excuses here, this is unreasonable. Not many people have three spare bedrooms.