To go on the school trip or should I leave my child to go herself and hope for the best?

Last year, we took an autistic child with us and made concessions eg she had access to her phone, unlike the others (school has a strict no phones policy). She was only allowed it briefly to make a call before bed time. Another child with a medical issue had a parent stay nearby and to be fair, we then needed the parent to collect the child. Another sounds a bit like yours, didn’t make it past 2am, we had her collected, parents drove 2 hours to get her. We took a lot of children, obviously there was going to be a teeny percentage with issues and we catered for them. You could ask the teacher in charge for any of these scenarios and see what they say. I must say, I would not want, as a teacher, to have parents helping, but I understand it’s necessary to ensure trips go ahead, it’s just not common in my (secondary ) experience.

I would think very carefully about it.

Some anxious kids would be happy just because they knew you were there.

Others (most?) would feel even worse because you were there, but unavailable due to your allocated helper role or would cling to you at the expense of enjoying the experience with their friends.

Only you know which your child is.

Don’t attend with her. This is a great chance for her to grow In confidence and independence.

once she’s surrounded by her friends and seeing them all be ok at being away from their parents she will follow suit.

it will be good for both of you for her to do this alone.

As a parent, it is not your job to stop your dd experiencing anxiety, it is your job to support her to cope with it.

I’d have a night or two away from her in the meantime and see how she fairs sleeping at home without you if you can’t do sleepovers elsewhere. Depending on that I’d make a decision but I’d be swaying to you not going. I think even subconsciously it sends a message that she wouldn’t be able to do it alone and reaffirms her fears rather than encouraging her to see how it goes.

I think going and taking that step alone may be a better step forward than just going with you, even if you had to pick her up/ join later least she’d have tried.

My precious first born had his first overnight trip in year 6 - for 4 nights/5 days. Yes, the thought of him going away made me feel tearful, worried and anxious but I kept all those feelings to myself. You have to pull your shit together and encourage them to do these things. Be excited for them, encourage them, tell them they are going to have a fab time. You can’t allow your own anxiety to hold them back.

As for my child? He went away, had the most amazing time, held it all together when he left, the whole time he was away and when we picked him up. When we got home, he had a little cry and said he missed us but was really glad he did it and would do it again. It’s good for them. You have to let them grow x

Please let her go without you.
I was the same last June my 10to turned 11 on residential was away Mon to Fri. Undiagnosed at the min asd, had been suicidal previously, extreme separation anxiety absolutely heart broken to be going but I let him go and told him I was a phone call away. He rang me 2 night absolutely sobbing but held out until morning for me to go and get him by both mornings he didn't want me to get him all was forgotten and he was having the time of his life. The difference in him since is incredible. Let her try and I know it's hard but you'll be fine too

Oh for goodness sake, she's 11, there's plenty of time for her to gain her independence. You do what you need to do to support her in getting the most out of the experience. If other parents will be there as helpers I see absolutely no harm in you going.

DS was exactly the same at her age. He's 15 now and has just returned from a school trip to New York, didn't bat an eyelid about going. These things just naturally fall into place without being forced.

Go along, don't make a fuss about it and don't give it another thought.

As they are looking for parent helpers, I would go in your situation. If it will give her the confidence to sleep away from home, knowing you are close by and will see her at some point during the day, I think that would be a brilliant way for her to get some independence, she is more likely to be able to sleep in the dorm without being upset and join in the activities if you are there.

I have a daughter with medical needs and I stayed at a B and B nearby so she could join in the activities but stay with me at night to enable her to have her meds, bath and physio and rest properly. She wouldn't have been able to go otherwise.

I have another daughter who thought she would be fine on camp and really looked forward to it, but didn't sleep at all for 2 nights and I had to go and pick her up. She was really disappointed in herself and it totally knocked her confidence.

If she's worried about going and wants you there, and you are in a position to go, it sounds like a perfect solution.

I have had three children all go through this sort of school residential aged 11 in their last year at Primary (in Scotland), it's a rite of passage for them. Parent helpers were not a thing for them, it was them and the teachers and they either went, or didn't.

Part of your job as a parent is to prepare your child for an independent future. To give her confidence, resilience and an ability to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Going away overnight on a school trip with your friends is such a common thing to do at this age. Very few children will be unable to cope with the idea of being away from home, out of the 90 children in my kids' classes, I think there were 2 who couldn't/wouldn't go.

You have time to give her the tools to be confident enough to do this without you and have a great time.

@BiscuitDreams see this is what I mean!! Your dad was a total legend, what a lovely memory! 🥰

I'm probably going against the grain but I'd go if I felt my child couldn't handle it otherwise. It depends on the child obviously, but I was the clingy child when I was little so I have some experience. I struggled with sleepovers and camps so much, and I was often collected early because I was hysterical. I'm not proud of it but I couldn't help it! I grew out of it by the age of 11-13 or thereabouts, and I have fond memories of successful sleepovers.

Anyway, we had a 6-night residential when we were 12 and I really wanted to go, but also I was terrified. Like seriously stressing. In the end my dad volunteered as a helper, and he and another dad came with us. It was ace. I got to do my own thing and not worry, and everyone thought the dads were the shit (they are fun dads lol). The trip was great and no one even suggested my dad was there because I was a crybaby (even though I totally was).

My dad is a legend. 😍

I was your child! I did go and I was wobbly at night but ultimately I did it… having said that, I’m not sure it ‘teaches’ you anything you’re not already going to learn with time? Obviously at 33 I don’t live with my mum 🤣 Honestly I would probably go, I agree with a previous poster who said it’s like stepping stones - yes she’s going to grow out of it one day but she will look back and know when she did find it hard her mum made sacrifices to make it easier.

Your child will know that you aren’t really there to help all the others and it’s because of her, so by going you’d basically be telling her that you don’t believe she’s able to cope and that she does actually need you around overnight.

Your anxiety will undoubtedly be feeding hers, even if you think you’re doing a good job of hiding it. She needs to hear that you believe in her and that’s she’s perfectly capable and that you trust her teachers to look after her.

It’s bizarre that the school even allows this. Taking parents to supervise on residential trips is not ideal practice.

Don’t go.

my dc had multiple diagnosed additional needs and I thought he’d never go on a residential. I thought he’d have to go as a “day camper”. His teacher was t having any of that and sat down with me over the course of three (!) meetings and we mapped out how to handle every minute from waking up to getting him to sleep.

he went without me, it was a huge success and the little hiccups were a great learning experience.

If it’s a 3 day overnight trip, I would hope all the parent helpers have been DBS checked!
I would tell your DD that you expect her to stay at least 1 night and if there’s a problem after that you’ll come and collect her.

My parents weren't remotely clingy but I was always the one being upset and homesick. Definitely not their attitude, they desperately wished I'd stop and join in.

Yes, the other kids were cruel about it.

But looking back now at nearly 50, you have to do it sometime, it's never as bad as you think and as at the time we were limited to 10p in the phone box, that also helped as it was the increased phone calls and contact that made it worse.

I would consider that normal, not nice but definitely normal.

Have to agree with this.
I hated residential until I was 14 and went with my best friends. I ended up living abroad for a period of life. Homesickness is not to be underestimated, but if you recognise that she is 'clingy' in other areas of life other than overnight trips this probably needs sorting before she becomes a teenager.

@Gogogo12345 I'm fairly sure I didn't have any trips before year 7. It was 30+ years ago but honestly don't remember them! My mum may well have cried about missing her baby. She did when she left me at university for the first time! 😬

I wouldn't go either. I'd tell her to think about it and decide if she wants to.

Tell me you’re a helicopter parent without telling me you’re a helicopter parent

They need helpers.
I would go.
Clingy children sometimes need more reassurance than confident children. It's not necessarily a fault or a parenting fail.
Be there but keep a low profile.

Most clingy children are clingy because of their parents' attitudes and insecurities. Don't go. Build resilience in the meantime.

Didn't u have a school trip until you were 11? Most kids have done brownie) cub camps etc well before the year 6 trip

And was your mum also crying about missing her baby