To go on the school trip or should I leave my child to go herself and hope for the best?

I've also been accused of being a helicopter parent. Better that than one that doesn't care.

For me I'd be trying her at a grandparents this weekend if possible to see how she manages.

It's best to let them go and grow but if you being there is wanted by her for the school trip and it's something you can do then I'd do it in a heartbeat. Our role is to hand hold and build confidence until they can step on their own.

Do what you need to do if it's what your child wants.

It's not till next year though so loads of time to get plenty of experiences before then and lots of chats about it. She will be totally fine..you just need to give her the confidence to be fine. Don't even talk about going... don't make it a thing.

It wouldn’t bother me at all. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you attending it.

I had a very clingy child and I spent years just supporting her. When she got to about 11 she naturally started to sleep in her own room etc.

you need to do what suits you and your family.

i don’t see a problem with it but if you decide to not go then I find children are clingy because they’re not confident. I worked very hard making my daughter feel secure before I pushed her in tiny bits. It doesn’t work for all children but it was something me and a therapist went through. It’s worked very well

Some kids just don't love these residentials. Mine has one coming up it's going to be 6 hours on a coach and then a load of outdoor stuff for 5 days in February. She could probably tolerate one day of abseiling in the cold but 5 is too much. She'll hate the disco too. If it were 5 days doing stuff she likes she might be feeling a whole lot more independent

Of course u shouldn’t go.

@Notsurewhatisbest I've recently been through similar. My eldest (age 10 yr6) has been suffering with severe separation anxiety since his dad passed away when he was 7. He was adamant he wasn't going on the class residential because he can't get to sleep without background noise from his phone or TV (I know I need to work on this) and he doesn't like to be away from me.

Long story short after many tears and meltdowns (including on the day of the trip) he went and had an amazing time. He's very proud of himself and I'm a very proud mum!x

They need parent helpers anyway, so it might as well be you (or her dad).

Some children are anxious and forcing them to undergo a distressing experience to "cure" them of their anxiety is not the answer, it could increase their anxiety. Of course she might not be distressed but if you can reduce the risk of it by being there (in the background) why wouldn't you?!

I would go as a helper this time as just being there should help and hopefully she won't really need you. Then if it goes well you will both be more confident for her to go on the next trip without you.

I find some of the answers to this thread really nasty btw. Luckily our understanding of how to best meet children's needs is developing all the time. The parents of anxious children (who may have autism, diagnosed or undiagnosed, but may not) get it.

My son's school do a residential in yr 5. There were a few homesick/ anxious children when my son went. The nice children looked after them in the dorms. Nobody was unkind.

In my school's case, it was just fun!

There is a happy medium

They didn’t do residential trips at our Primary school and I honestly don’t see the point in them. They’re only 11 yrs old so plenty of time to grow up and learn to be independent. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I went to both of my sons year 6 residential trips

they werent teased at all

Well there is a middle ground. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

Our school do overnight trips from year 2. Parents aren’t allowed to go/help.

my daughter just didnt go. She now lives overseas in a massively different time zone

will she have any friends going?this is important.
Ask her Does she want to go? If no and no friends then don’t let her go.
If yes then ask yourself-Do you want to spend a week as a volunteer- would you have volunteered anyway?
if you do-would she like you to go as well? Even if you were looking after other children and not just her?

If she wants you there and and you want to volunteer then volunteer.

If she wants to go/ has friends but you don’t want to go - tell her to go and if she really hates it - you will come and pick her up. You will speak to her teacher and arrange it so she can tell them and they will call you. You have to mean this (though-no trying to persuade/ guilt/ cajole her into staying) once you are called, you will come. Same for teacher.

Then let her go by herself. If she knows she can leave if she hates it she may relax and manage- this will boost your and hers confidence.

Did she not do a year 6 residential trip? Or is this what this is?
Im suprised they’d ask for parents helpers. Trips like that are usually meant so kids can get some independence.
don’t go! It will just perpetuate her never having done it.
It’s all about being away from parents and making memories with your friends!

Both are equally as dangerous and damaging to children development.

Children generally are anxious because their parents unfortunately unconsciously teach them to be.

Going unconsciously says to her you need me there, you won't manage alone.

Nah. My 30 year old daughter would still be living with me with an 11.00pm curfew except at week-ends if that were the case.
Edited to add: she went on a gap year all over the world when she was 18 and then off to university in a country she'd never lived in after that. Unfortunately, I'm the one whose resilience is low.

In the lead up to my son's first overnight school trip we arranged a few sleepovers to get him used to it. Other kids in the class were also quite anxious so he wasn't the only one having "practice" sleepovers.

He understood that if he changed his mind later on then that was fine, he could face time us first, me or my husband could pop over to say goodnight and then worst case scenario of course he could come home.

Having those 3 options open to him really seemed to help and he was absolutely fine after being quite worried initially.

Hope that helps OP!

Could you go along on the trip, but not be in charge of her group? Might be a good compromise.

What would she like you to do?

Yup. I saw the thread title and knew there would be the roll-call of arsehole comments.

The posters commenting on how other children would bully the OP's DC about it a bit revealing as well.

I went on one DC trip purely because I was also staff. Otherwise parents never went.

I made very sure they weren't in my group and the other staff dealt with them

If they'd been clingy I wouldn't have gone - recipe for disaster

I've never heard of a school allowing this. I am a teacher.

She will develop independence and resilience without you. Don't go. You can't cushion her from all of life's challenges. Teachers will take care of her and comfort her if she's homesick.