Not hosting yet another Christmas

I think you're perfectly within your rights not to want to host again. When it's your house, even with others contributing, you have the bulk of the work.
Sounds like the rest of the family have taken it for granted that you will host. I find it hard to believe that not one of them could host minus your family on Christmas Day. Sounds like they're trying to emotionally manipulate you. Be strong and stand your ground!

Even if it involved your step sisters?

I get why you feel this way and I'd love a Christmas with just my immediate family. But I also see where your mum is coming from. Christmas is about family time for a lot of people, especially if she wants to be with her grandchildren. It must be sad for her thinking she won't have it. So I get both sides.

My sister was in your shoes, eldest daughter, first to have kids. Did Xmas every year, lots of food, many people.

One year, she told us she needed a break from the stress.

Family is divorced, so it’s first family with single mum and then dad, second wife and our half siblings.

The second family always comes (mostly sparsely or empty handed) but never invites anyone around to theirs rest of year. Never to a bbq, to the pool, nothing.

My sister advised close family that she wasn’t doing big Xmas - because we talk all the time. But the second family didn’t call her til last minute - it was adult half sister who called only to ask when they should arrive.
She said - no, no Xmas at mine this year. It’s too much work, and people don’t get along (and meant our mum having to deal with XH and his wife. ).
The second family were super angry which caused a huge never ending rift. We realised they didn’t even bother, as a family, to prepare Xmas ever … just relied on us to put on the “family show”

Do think my sister could have been more diplomatic … but 100% see her point.

Thats neither here nor there. Its about WANTING to be together. OP has the house, but doesnt want to do it.
A few of us could host Christmas, though my moms house is currently the largest, and thus, the option

So if you're kids are now tweens, let's assume you've hosted Christmas so for 10+ years? I would send back a msg and say something like:

I have hosted Christmas for you all for 10+ years. Yet this year when I say I want a break from hosting and have offered Boxing Day as an alternative, I get an earful and am told I am selfish. It seems to be conveniently forgotten that I have hosted Christmas for the last decade and it is clear that it has not been appreciated by any of you if this is your reaction. I will not be hosting Christmas. You are all free to host instead, as I have done for the last decade.

I would also rescind the offer of Boxing Day after their reaction, if you don't wish to go ahead with that either if they are just going to be moaning between now and Christmas about how selfish you are.

Fucking knock it on the head now. Massive entitlement and selfishness. And of course they will be annoyed... every year they have had their preference and needs catered.

I would completely refuse for a good few years and make someone else step up and host. And I would be spending this Christmas exactly to my wishes if I was in your position.

Don't give it another worry.

That’s a really nice idea

One of you must have a very big house!

Presumably, without the four members of your family there it will be a much smaller gathering, and therefore possible for someone else to fit everyone in (even if a little squashed)? Or they have plenty of notice to book Christmas lunch at a restaurant/pub.
They are probably just disappointed, and upset now that they know what they expected to happen isn't actually going to, but no reason at all for you not to do what you want to this year.

How about messaging them saying that you understand they aren’t happy about the idea of not having a big get together for Christmas Day, and if that’s what everyone wants, you and your dh will bring the dcs for a few hours to whoever else decides to host, because you just want a break from always being the one to do it all. You understand everyone really wants to have a big family do so you are sure one of them will offer to host this year and you’ll happily drive to them.

See if they really want the big family get together or what they want is someone else to do the work for them.

Your family are selfish, entitled twats.

it’s only about the company IMO

With that reaction op I wouldn't have offered boxing day either.
Let them fend for themselves and enjoy the Xmas you want for a change.

If your mother feels so strongly about it, SHE can host.

Ahh, I get it now. I’ve thought it’s about the day not about the company.

Yes, absolutely do it. To be fair, your family sounds better than dh’s. We also host every year - only ones with a big enough house and MIL’s partner won’t allow her to have family visit because he’s a controlling wanker. 🙄 Though literally in all the years of hosting, no one has ever brought a dish or a case of wine. They treat it like a week long AI holiday. One year, we did get a round of drinks at the pub as thanks. 😂

This year I have cancer and I’ve said no f-ing way is anyone coming for Christmas or anytime in the month surrounding it. Entertain and feed yourselves! I’m putting my feet up and not feeding anyone chocolate this year but us! What they don’t know yet is that, assuming I’m still alive for future Christmases 😂 I’m not reinstating the tradition. Someone else needs to pull their thumb out. I’ve done my decade of hosting. It’s now someone else’s turn.

what will happen when you give birth re seeing your brother?

@flipdiddle81 because despite my mothers shit, my 13 year old autistic brother can't travel to see me alone..therefore i make the effort to see them for Christmas so I can spend time with my brother. He's a child and it's not his fault our mother is as she is

the violent brother who has exhibited such frightening behaviour your mother has considered having him sectioned?

@Cotonsugar I'm slowly realising that and putting my foot down with her shit..I suppose we all just wished we had a loving mother who understands us😊

so why on earth are you suggesting going to all that effort the week before?!

@another1bitestheduck correct! I love my younger brother to pieces and miss him lots so id love to see him and give him some gifts and spend time. Hence the effort to go for an early Christmas meal..not for my mother, because I still love my brothers despite my mothers behaviour😅

@flipdiddle81 I do what makes me happy now, this year and last year! She won't be meeting baby as in the whole 3 years we've lived here she's not visited once as she doesn't want to travel here. DH mother also lives in London and makes the trip once a month to see her son..mine on the other hand..haha it's just laughable at this point. I won't be driving my newborn a 6 hour round trip to visit his grandmother..she'll have to make the effort or miss out 😊

It's like everything Op, the first year it's aren't you kind, a few years in it's tradition and everyone expects it. It's very useful for your siblings, they don't ever have to cook at Christmas, they chip in some food and they're done, you get to do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning and your the one with DC, I'm surprised you didn't put paid to this before.