Not hosting yet another Christmas

You are not awful to put your husband and kids first.
Every other year we have it just us.
No one has ever been offended. But if they were, tough.
Why are their feelings more important than yours?

you mother is with a miserable man who takes it on her but she “sticks with it” nonetheless

and then she has to host him and his daughters who think she’s a witch for christmas

a dreamy sounding christmas (and life) for her

i don’t know how i’d react

because it is truly unfathomable to me that my close loving family would respond like this 🤷

your mother hosts the step sisters despite them thinking your mother is a which for stealing away their father!

I really do pity your mum

So youve never been upset at something that displeases you? And you would cut off your mother because of it, in the heat of the moment.

Great. You do you. Im done with this conversation. I have my opinion, oyu have yours, its fine.

That’s the answer, but they don’t want the hassle of cooking their own dinner- they want someone else to. So selfish.

oh personally i love sitting with all my family at one table for christmas day (6 of us). the idea of everyone scattered around, perched on stools or standing up… not appealing but each to their own

but when I floated this with my mum I got an absolute earful of how selfish I was being, to deny everyone the chance to be together

lovely

Several tables and sofas. Not sure how thats relevant. And 35 is the most weve had for Christmas. Thats not our every year number. And I never claimed it was.

I think you are confusing the OP with another poster who posted about their family and Christmas situation! Because the OP has only made 2 posts! One is the OP, and the other is a thank you post to the replies received! I am not talking about other posters here. Just the OP, who only wants to spend Christmas with just her husband and children.

And yes, I have offered. And no, my mom genuinely enjoys hosting. Otherwise, she could have gotten out of it a long time ago. Why is this so hard to understand? And its not just Christmas. Its birthdays, Easter, my baby shower, my babys party... And to be clear... I was going to host those, but my mom convinced me to let her do it!

Just because your dont like your family, it doesnt mean all families are the same.

@ASGIRC does your mother have a table that accommodates 35? or do you sit on different tables like a restaurant or some with it on their laps?

out of interest, have you ever offered?

@ASGIRC You say that your mother sticks with your step father despite him being very miserable in life and taking it out on her

Does it occur to you that possibly your mum may not enjoy hosting 35 people every single year but sticks at it nonetheless so as not to rock the boat (going by your stance, if she ever did change her mind, you’d throw a hissy!)

hurt? did you read how she responded? and even to the suggestion of the op hosting boxing day

we just have different interpretations of what a close and loving family is 🤷

Her being hurt that her daughter doesnt want to spend Christmas with her doesnt make her an unloving or distant family member. People are entitled to be hurt by your actions and decisions. Just like you are entitled to decide to spend christmas is Butan!

It is not in the same ballpark of having people you DONT like and actively try to avoid for Christmas.

Also OP has provided ZERO insight to her family relationships, other than she got an earful from mom and from sister, for upsetting mom. Which is par for the course in families.

My mom doesnt want a break. If she did, I would, for sure, host. Or my brother! But I cant very well stop her from doing what she wants!

And like I said... OP is entitled to so whatever the hell she wants! I dont have to understand it, and I dont, but I dont think its selfish of her.

you seem to think mothers behaviour is totally reasonable

i suppose we simply have a different view on what is a close and loving family member 🤷

Like I said... I endure them at Sunday dinner. Theres not 35 people there. Theres 8 or 10. And yes, I wouldnt not spend Christmas with my family because of them.
However, OP has mentioned nothing of the sort. Only that she wants to spend Christmas just the 4 of them. No "evil step sisters" that she doesnt want to host. Its her parents and siblings (and their partners).

And what I have said was that wanting to spend Christmas "just the X of us"(whatever your core unit is) is something I cant even conceive.
However, OP is entitled to want to spend Christmas however she wants to!

So maybe you should host and give your mum a break??
OP isn’t refusing to spend Christmas with everyone, she just wants a year off from hosting, if that means just the 4 of them then she’s entitled to a break!

People like Christmas but they don’t want all the effort and the expense. They are being like this because they might have to do it, that’s all.

and don’t suggest boxing day again

oh and maybe think about your relationship with someone like this full stop.

I wouldn’t want my children around someone who behaves like this

now imagine a much smaller family, like the Op’s (rather than the 35 odd people at your mum’s for christmas) and you’d have to be hosting your step sisters.

Would you be quite so gung ho about christmas being about family together irrespective of what the family i. question is like?

i. think. not

Put your own family first. Your mum had her years of having Christmas with her young children. Your children are entitled to have Christmas with their immediate family, no rushing through present opening to get ready for extended family coming and a frazzled mammy trying to get everything done. Over the years as our children have grown we have changed how we do Christmas. Nobody will starve if you don't organise Christmas . I quarantee that they will manage. Enjoy your more relaxed Christmas.

I wouldnt cut off my nose to spite my face. I prefer to not deal with them, or socialise with them, but I do it, regularly. At Easter, or at my stepdads birthday, just to name a couple of occasions, but also at Sunday dinner, if they are invited, by any chance.