Not hosting yet another Christmas

Just tell them sod off. They are your family, so you are meant to be direct/blunt with them and if they are over stepping you don't need to mince words, just say you want a break from hosting at your house so they can sort themselves out at Christmas.

Just because you've "always done it this way" doesn't mean you can't have a break.

We've been doing it the weekend before Christmas for years. After one year when eldest DC was 4 and id not spent any decent time with them as I was busy in the kitchen I said never again. Now Christmas day is just out household. We have everyone around the weekend before for the big Christmas dinner and everyone quite likes it. Grandparents and an auntie pop round Christmas day to see DC and have some snacks. Then go home.

^This. Don’t host the CFs at all.

What would you feed them all on boxing day?Would it be a full meal, leftovers or a different meal? Would it just not be less hassle to have them over on Xmas day if you are cooking anyway it do you plan to get a takeaway? It's just if they bring a dish anyway then you don't do all the cooking but if you are still planning a Christmas lunch or dinner for your own nuclear family you will have to do a few dishes anyway? I'm trying to figure out how it would be less stressful to have them over on boxing day instead. I'd invite them over new years instead. That way you can enjoy whatever time you have over the Xmas period.

Your sister could pull out a finger and host, I wouldn't appreciate her putting her oar in and would have told her so.

Seriously just relax, be firm when asked, you don't have to justify anything. You are doing something different for Christmas this year and that's it. Invite them for another day if you must but don't forget that'll make Christmas day stressful too if you plan to host boxing day for example
Better yet arrange to meet them out for a Christmas meal or experience before or after the actual day

Good grief are you two still bickering?
you both need hobbies

My haughtier is 14 next week and has never met her fathers family…. Not a single one ever travelled to see us!

Start negotiating- they can use the house if they do all the shopping, cooking, washing up and cleaning.

“someone else”

that someone else being my mother
hosting christmas
knowing very unhappy

😞

Yes, be miserable, because you think someone else is. Its really helpful. Changes everything, really! 🙄

me? i couldn’t enjoy christmas as you appear to do knowing my mother was so unhappy and put upon

each to their own

i thought you were leaving the thread

And what do you want me to do about it? Ive told her to leave him. Ive told her to stop doing the things.

What does that have to do with how I feel about Christmas?!?!?! Why should I prefer to spend Christmas on my own than with family?!?! Because thats all I was talking about, here. Im not sure what your goal is here. You pointing out the obvious is not going to change anything. Ive been doing it for years and here we are. So we deal with it.
Worry about YOUR family! And spend Christmas alone, if thats what you want! Thats all this post is about.

head. wall.

Your mother remains with a man who takes his misery out on her

Your mother hosts your step fathers children on boxing day despite fact they thinks she’s a witch

this woman is a “grin and bare” it soul

Again... My mom loves Christmas. And is not miserable. She grins and bears it on boxing day.
If she had to do that and not even have the joy of Christmas, then that would upset me, yes.
They are different things. Because what I said was that spending Christmas with just my child, instead of spending it with my family, is not something I would ever even consider. I dont understand how my mom having to do something shes not happy with on Boxing day should change my opinion on how I would always want to spend Christmas!

It still has no relation to my stance on Christmas

clearly

it would for me knowing how unhappy my mother is

sounds awful
and i feel for your mother
not least having to host them (and stick with the husband who takes out her misery on her)

Im not sure what you want me to say to that. It is what it is.
No one likes it. Everyone knows its a shit show. We ve tried to stop it.

It still has no relation to my stance on Christmas.

I do get your point but if your going to do it boxing day anyway, you may as well do it xmas day and save the hassle!

so these step sisters rock up on Boxing day “scum of the earth” and “evil” as you describe them and your mother hosts them despite them thinking she’s a witch
joyous

I honestly dont understand why you are so obsessed with my family.
My sted dad considers them family. No one else does, nor do they consider themselves family to anyone else. And Im talking about their aunts/uncles/cousins, who go to Christmas Eve.
They go to boxing day, on their own, its just them and my step dad and mom. Not even their brother goes, as hes cut them all off ages ago.

i imagine your step father (the miserable one who takes it out on your mother) regards his children as “family”

and they’re not regarded as family but still invited for boxing day?

it took close loving family members years to recover from you not hosting a christmas? after you had hosted for 3 decades??

Step sisters dont go over for Christmas. Only "boxing day". And that is her choice. She doesnt even want my brother or me there. Its her prerogative, even if we ve told her not to.

But Christmas Eve? Thats lovely. We all enjoy it. Everyone pitches in and helps with the food and the shopping, and the setting up. And I hope we can keep it going forever. Fortunately, the family all gets along. Step sisters are not considered (or consider themselves) part of the family.

The biggest mistake to make is to host Christmas too many years in a row. I made this massive mistake. The year I decided not to host World War 3 broke out in the family and took months if not years to recover.

As a PP said, there was no gratitude at all for the 30 odd years I had hosted. It upset me hugely and I've never had quite the same respect for the people involved that I did before.