Has anyone else stop organising stuff...

I’m the organiser in our house and I’m gradually doing less now that DH has been retired for a while. For example, I have always done all the birthday and Xmas gift shopping, now we go together and it’s getting more split. I used to decide what we’d have for dinner and cook it, now he takes his turn. I’m also backing off from doing all the holiday organising and doing less, the only downside of me doing less is that DH has been known to book hotels I wouldn’t book, I guess after 30+ years of marriage there’s still work for me to do 😂

I used to be the one who kept in contact with his side of the family, he now does it much more than I do.

Small steps.

Ooh yes I hear you. I started doing this ages ago. I remember DP asking me where something was and I said 'don't know' and he muttered 'of course you don't'! Objective achieved 🤣.

I was told by family members that there was no expectation on me to be the organiser/take control etc at all. Evidently they didn't appreciate and value all the work I would put in. Fabulous, I stopped doing any of it.

Sadly though I felt I couldn't rely on anyone and found it quite upsetting for a while. I decided to not be reliable and available either, it's interesting how people's attitude changed and they became more considerate. When you've tried to say something and you're dismissed it isn't nice. Luckily my children are now older and I know I can rely on them (as they me).

Twenty years ago I loved organising meals out with big groups of friends, but got fed up constantly have to rearrange the date when someone said they could no longer make it due to x, y, z.

last year I did organise one event but made it clear that if anyone needed to cancel then they had to contact the venue directly at least 48 hours before otherwise I would be charged a no show fee.

no one asked to change the date and no one cancelled.

this year someone else has organised and has been asked to change the date twice already by people who never organise the annual catch up

I wouldn't.

Oh yes, the people who will complain about what you've organised but can't even manage it themselves. I've had a few of those over the years.

I also gush profusely if someone organises something too. DH is pretty good, thank goodness.

DH stopped asking me questions like that after I started very politely and calmly replying with "You have access to the same information/Google that I have."

Will it rain tomorrow?
What time does DS's football match start?
What time do we need to leave to get to XYZ?
Do we have any Diet Coke in the fridge?

All get the same answer.

I agree Maria its because we do it. My friend said you better at reaching out mary. I said no someone else can do it plan next thing. We all busy

The expectation is there because you, like me, always do it. You need to step back in order for others to step up is what I noticed. And if they don't step up, well then they don't and they will have to live with the consequences.

Op I took a big step back as always me planning it. One is tight with money so I wont pay stuff upfront now.. yeh you do get tired of it. Seems be same ones organising it

Maybe the people who never organise anything just got to that point before all us ex-organisers did, and we’re simply following in their footsteps 😄 sad to do everything alone though!

the parcel has left the building.

😂

I'm really selfish now and it's fabulous. I recommend it whole heartingly

Currently sorting out new mobile contracts for my parents. My mum is retired and has all the time in the world.....
I have just handed over booking meals for a weekend away with friends to my husband after he complained about where I booked. That was two weeks ago and still he's not sorted anything and it's killing me!!!!!
I did the same for this year's holiday as he wanted to do something different to my suggestion. We were supposed to be going with friends. He made an absolute palaver of it, never got anything decent sorted and we eventually went to my initial choice (which I then sorted out myself) minus friends who had given up waiting and booked elsewhere.
There is a theme.....
Much as it drives me up the wall at least if I've done it myself I know it will be done properly!
And back to the mobile phone contract.....

Yes. There’s no thanks for being the one who does stuff, it just becomes expected.
Then sometimes if they eventually notice you have stopped they then see you as the problem 🙄. Ignoring the fact they NEVER bother.

I decided a few years back to match peoples energy. What that meant was some friendships fell to the wayside.
If it wasn’t me planning meet ups, trips etc then they just didn’t happen.
With DH I was clear with him I wasn’t organising anything unless he did, but tit for tat, but we were having counselling at the time and I think it helped him see how hurtful it was.
On the plus side he does organise stuff now, which is great and luckily for me my sister is also an organiser.
I’m still sad about some friendships, but figured I just wasn’t worth the effort, so I just stopped putting in effort. It does mean though I have friends now who are equally as invested in our relationship.

There must be something in the air, I have backed off with a lot of this too.

Some of these posts are great, I'm pleased I'm not the only one doing it.

I'm posting because I want to know the outcome of the parcel in the hallway!

I am a single parent and when the kids were younger I had to do almost everything. I did eventually burn out during the covid homeschooling fiasco. Since then I have been gradually handing responsibility back to those it belongs to. Every time something could be dealt with quickly and easily by me I stop and ask myself 'Is this my responsibility?' The penny has dropped with the now teens and they are better humans for it.

Yes to this. I stopped doing this for Dh extended family a few years ago. Not sure why or how it became my responsibility in the first place.
I also stopped jumping up and looking for things, it was always last minute and used to stress me out so much. Now my stock answer is 'I don't know' and the reduced stress for me is great.

I've stopped at work unless I really like the person. I do all my own work of course. But when someone can't find/use/understand something I've stopped being the go to helper. It feels such a relief.

I am always appreciative of others organising get-togethers, possibly to the point of over thanking them😂

However I stopped doing things at home and mirrored DHs energy. He was not amused. It did get to the point where I needed to suck it up and actually do stuff though if I wanted the right outcome, eg filled in his Form E because "it's too hard", put filled in cheques in front of him for his signature...

My biggest refusal was not throwing away empty toilet rolls unless I finished it. I think we got up to 20 before he caved 😂

I’ve stopped suggesting and organising anything this year as an experiment. As a result DH and I have gone out alone together once in 11 months, for an 1 hour impromptu lunch. I also haven’t seen any of my friends.

I just arrange stuff to do alone or with my kids now.