Worried about our house and socialising

Here is the episode I suggest watching. It’ll hopefully put things into perspective for you:

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001x0ws/sort-your-life-out-series-4-episode-2

Agree with this.
I have a mum friend who never reciprocates and I’m getting fed up with hosting & feeding her now. She says issue with her house being upside down all the time but seriously, I think it takes the mick.

Conservatory - you can buy extending cleaning poles (Rolson brand) for the bits you can't reach, hot soapy water, loads of water, repeat and you will soon get it back to a fair state and I use Pink Stuff to clean pvc and it comes up a treat. Doors are cheap, the basic ones are anyway. Garden, tidy, chop back and fencing is something that's not difficult to do and why not ask if someone you know can show you how. Kitchen, we stripped off the laminate foil (easy to do and obviously depends on your units), fixed drawers, put up interesting pictures and lived with the 70s units for 12 years, then we put in our own kitchen. You can do a great deal by dealing with small jobs and building confidence and asking your network for help and advice (not asking them to do it, but show you how). I've always rated a house by the warmth of the welcome, the hospitality and if the loo and kitchen is clean, then all is well.

I honestly think anyone who judges you for the state of a kitchen probably isn't worth bothering with. We need to get our kitchen done so similar boat.
We have a massive house and both work professional full time jobs. We just haven't got organised with the kitchen. Our kids regularly have play dates. The parents don't usually come in beyond the door.
One Mum did say to another "you should see (her) house, it's like a mansion but she's one of us because her kitchen is shit"

Don't worry about the house. Just get on with the socializing.

The people who will judge you negatively aren't worth having in your life or giving a second thought to.

Nobody worthy of your friendship would judge you on having a less than a 'show house' perfect home. As long as there aren't literally loads of severe health and safety hazards making it dangerous then you shouldn't worry.

Just do the usual of tidying up the rooms that guests will be seeing and warmly welcome people.

A good friend will just want to catch up and chat and children don't care about things like decor and clean conservatories.

I would have thought it exciting to go to a home that had a consevertory at all when I was a kid. Nearly everyone I knew lived in a small council flat. But their homes were still welcoming and fun.

Provide a few biscuits and toys and they'll be happy anywhere! X

We don’t normally visit people houses, we go to the park or to a soft play. Only really good friends would be invited over and if they are good friend they shouldn’t care about your house

I'm massively offended 😹 . I live in "North London", NW3 to be precise, and DD went to a local private school. Like everywhere, there are competitive arseholes and those of us who don't give a shit. You seem to be worried about the parents, not the kids who are the ones that matter

Do you use Facebook or other social media?
There's a page on Facebook called DIY on a budget and one called gardening on a budget I love them. On Instagram I follow wisdomfaily and budgetingmum if you have a look at them or search for similar pages the more you like the more get suggested. Don't get me wrong some of its awful but some of its great and really motivating.

It might not be as bad as you think op. I live on a council estate in a veeeeery wealthy area and was worried about the same thing, but honestly it turned out that the vast majority of the kids at school live in houses just like ours (very normal houses, not like Instagram at all) only a very small number actually live in the big Instagram homes. I assume most of the ones that do go to the local private school.

Why not fake it till you make it OP?
I like the suggestion by a PP to try and pass off your house as a reno in progress.
All you have to do is create one Insta-worthy room. Maybe the front room. In that room you can splash on some Farrow & Ball, stick up some art (of whatever passes for suitable in your social circle), get a few plants and so on. If the children are all small put some tasteful "objets" on a high shelf.

In your kitchen, have a wall which is an inspo board with some samples of lino, House of Hackney wallpaper etc so this contributes to the reno illusion.
This way the judgey people will be reassured you're a person of exquisite taste and you're "one of them". HTH 😁

I'm going to reiterate the point I made earlier because I think it is really important.

Will some parents, or even children, judge you for your non-insta house? Some people will and some people won't. That's just a fact and you can't really do much about that, other than never let anyone over the threshold (which will cause other issues, because you won't be able to reciprocate other people's hospitality).

So, some people will judge you. Hopefully not too many. But some will.

But - so what? Why are you giving away your power to them? Why do you place such importance on their opinions? Aren't your own opinions the only ones that really matter?

@kva a warm welcome and a clean cup for a brew are all you need.

Your house is clean and safe.

Invite your friends… the real ones won’t give a shit about whether your decor resembles something off insta or not.

Also, we are talking about little children here: when mine were small I moved to a tiny flat after divorce and thought my life was over. That tiny flat turned into a bustling hub of activity and all the local kids were there all the time. This was largely due to a vast collection of fun toys (a lot of Sylvanians, loads of books, and some guinea pigs) and just being in a location where the kids could pop in (near the school).

It really isn't about having a show home. It's about what you make of it.

As long as it’s clean enough and not cluttered it’s fine. The only houses that are horrible to visit are ones with piles of junk everywhere.

You could put money into it but have chosen not to, so just own that, live your lives and invite whoever you like. The people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter won’t mind.

Glasses of champagne on the kitchen island is a world away from the play-dates I know.

But temporarily tarting things up with tile paint and.some cushions from B&M won't make it a "prosecco on the book-matched marble island" house. Which it doesn't need to be! Theres no reason to feel one family is better than the other asca result. Set up a room which will work for the adult to be in. Don't apologise for the house. Make it clean and cheerful and welcoming.

At the moment you're not prioritising home improvements. Obviously thats great, you dont have to. So either own that, or set aside some good chunk of time, money, and energy to get it sorted.

Remember you are buying this house that is a great achievement well done.You are sadly feeling inferior to these other people with their shiny new homes which seem so perfect.Have no fear that what you see on the outside could be far from the truth.No one had a perfect life.Be happy with what you have make the most of it.You say the house is clean and tidy,yes some renovation would be good but for now write a list of inexpensive ideas to make it better.Hire a pressure washer for a weekend to clean the conservatory at the same time clean the outside paving.Clear weeds and cut down overgrown plants.Look on marketplace for garden tools,paint etc.Make it your own and be proud that you are buying your own home.Welcome you child’s friends that is the most important thing.Live well.

My house growing up was massive. We had rooms we didn’t even use and a huge garden with swimming pool. I barely ever had friends round and they weren’t that comfortable there on the rare occasions they did come round. We preferred their houses, whatever they looked like… it was the atmosphere i remember, that’s what I’ve always cared more about when inviting people to our home now.it s clean, safe and always got biscuits. 🍪

Some great tips already here.

My tip is: It's winter, so FLATTERING LIGHTING is your friend. Fairy lights and side lighting costs just a few pounds and will make any old shithole look cosy and nice. If the kitchen is terrible, then throw down a nice bright rug and add some small lamps. It'll look LOVELY.

I’m friends with a millionaire with a big trust fund. Their house is ‘awful’. I can’t say I care or judge. It’s clean, kids are happy, the house is full of love.

Having a house that isn’t complete isn’t just about the money. Perhaps someone hasn’t had the mental energy to get it done. Perhaps tradespeople have let them down. Perhaps they’ve had caring duties for a family member. I really can’t say I care.

Outdated doesn't matter at all, clean and safe does. Fix any doors that are actually broken (a bit difficult to close doesn't count here), get the conservatory renovated so it's in a safe condition, and get the garden cleared and the fences fixed in the spring/summer. The garden clearance in particular may seem daunting, but if you dedicate a morning or afternoon to it once a week, then it will gradually get better and you'll be able to see the difference. Take photographs of it every week so you can see the progress that you're making, even if it doesn't seem much better. Argos have got Black Friday deals on hedge trimmers and other garden tools at the moment, so if you don't have much in the way of tools right now you can save there, and for one off specific jobs (eg if you need to chop down shrubs you don't like) you can hire larger kit too. This guide is quite useful for how to approach it.
https://www.idealhome.co.uk/garden/garden-advice/how-to-tackle-an-overgrown-garden

My daughter has two friends.

One lives in a very lovely steading but it's all on one level so my daughter described the house as small as a result (it's bigger and much nicer than ours).

The other lives in a house firmly stuck in the 1970s that hasn't been updated yet. But it's over three floors. So that one is 'big and posh'.

Five year olds don't see these things in the same way.

For guests, the most important things are having clean, warm rooms and not too much clutter. A garden even with broken or missing fencing looks nicer if it's clear of mess, the lawn is cut and there are a few nice plants in the beds or pots. You can't do much about the way the conservatory looks from the outside except do a bit of painting. Just do what you can and mention that you're saving up to have some major work done. You've a right to spend your money how you like so don't feel apologetic about prioritising your mortgage at the moment.