Worried about our house and socialising

Surely that's dependent on the size of the kitchen and garden, the existing cabinets, flooring, tiles etc? You can't just slosh egg shell over cabinets without sanding and prepping and very few floors are in a condition you can just paint. Then you'd need prep and finish or itd be off at the first sign of a mop. Then what about awful old tiles? Dodgy ceiling, light fittings? A quick botch would leave the kitchen looking worse as people would think she'd done it on purpose rather than just not yet had it done.

The attitude you describe of people not hosting till the house is all done up sounds quite sad to me. I don’t mind about perfection and the latest style of kitchen, that is about a house not a home.
Having limited your options by buying in an area like that and by prioritising your mortgage you have limited your choices, you can not entertain for years or you can make the best of what you have.
House must be clean, warm and smell clean, not scented but clean. Concentrate on rooms visitors will see, so hallway, downstairs loo, living room and your child’s bedroom. Lack of clutter is good but hiding all possessions away is bad. Walls can be painted reasonably cheaply, TK Maxx and Dunelm do lots of accessories and plants are always good. Decent tea, coffee and snacks, clean mugs. People, especially small children will remember a cosy welcoming home.

You should be happy and comfortable in your home and give your child opportunities to have friends round. I would absolutely prioritise this over mortgage overpayments. If you don't reciprocate playdates, your child will stop getting invited. We have kids round ALL the time. I've always wanted our children to be comfortable socialising at home, as I never was as a child (our house was immaculate, but my parents were a bit odd!).

I think it sounds broadly fine. If the main rooms are ok, it’s unlikely a 5 yr old will care. But to be honest there are some things that it sounds like you should just roll your sleeves up and get done. The garden could be sorted for the winter easily (nice area to sit with a coffee, bit of patio to bounce call). I suspect most of the conservatory could probably be cleaned with some warm water and a long handled brush or a company could do it relatively cheaply. Doors etc, get a decent handyman round for a day to adjust them. I think there’s a middle ground between fully renovated show home and dirty windows/ doors which don’t open you might need to find.

I sometimes feel the same but two comments I’ve had about my house very recently that made me rethink:

“I love coming to your house, it’s so earthy”

”My house looks so grey and tidy in comparison”

It’s old and higgledy piggledy though not particularly untidy, lots of stuff bought on travels, lots of books, and well over 50 plants some of which are huge. We have broken stuff, wonky doors, uneven floors, worn carpets , sofa is a billion years old, bugger all useful storage, too many stairs. Sometimes I long for the clean lines and matchiness of others’ houses, but you know what it’s properly homely and lived in and it costs us peanuts. I do often dream of downsizing to a nice modern flat, though!

Why is it minging? I can see through the windows - they are perfectly clear. I don't clean the outside of my house. I don't see what the difference is?

Lots of the items you’ve listed are things I would take on myself (as evening projects if necessary):
clean conservatory - this shouldn’t cost you anything
cut back over grown garden - buy a pair of elliptical shears (or borrow from a friend/neighbour)
dated kitchen - you can repaint the kitchen cupboards and floor cheaply with a good quality eggshell paint for £100.

I’d estimate these will take you approximately 3 - 4 days tops, working 7 hours per day, so why not break into evening slots of 3/4 hours each, running over 8 days? You could do half one week and half the next.

Your house will help you find your clan, if parents turn their nose up at you then they're not for you.

Also you could lean in to being the less shiny house, offer slime, dens, baking, painting, making pizza. You'll be every kid's favourite!

Strim the garden back and remove any debris, broken old trampolines/garden furniture etc. Don't have piles of crap in the front garden. It's not Steptoe's Yard. Just make sure everywhere is clean and reasonably tidy and not an utter disgrace. People will forgive everything else, especially if you say 'excuse my scruffy house, it's a doer-upper, we just haven't got round to doing it up yet.'

Honestly, providing it doesn't smell or look like a health and safety risk they won't care.

I think you're being unnecessarily anxious, maybe because, as you've mentioned, of a different cultural background. Also, if people are that rude or snobbish, they're probably not friends you would want! In my experience, children mainly want snacks 😂, and a parent who is hands off enough to let them have fun and cause chaos, but in control enough to smooth things over if there's a problem.
Having said that, do take the advice here if it will help your confidence. Start with a deep clean including conservatory windows, any carpets, sofa covers (you can do all this yourself, maybe check locally for cleaning machines that can be borrowed or rented) . Do a de-clutter so that most stuff can be tidied away. Get some good storage if needed. Maybe a lick of paint in the main rooms? For the garden, could you get a few pots to sort of hide fences (look on freecycle or other give away sites). All these things are super cheap and easy. Then maybe look at cushion covers/lampshades and that kind of thing to perk things up a bit.

Play dates aren’t important at all I have 5 kids and can count on one hand how many times I have had them
people get hung up on the need for them esp when they have a only child there are so many parties and things in reception there is literally no need

The time goes in a blink of an eye. Just invite them over or host in the garden in the spring/summer.

My school mum friend had the tiniest cottage but would host us all the time. She put us to shame with her big heart. I learned not to care too much about keeping up appearances. The fun times we had squeezed at hers are now sweet memories. Just do it!

Did you really have a go at me for saying that decent people won’t judge you?

Yes of course some people will. Are those the people you want your child close to?

I don’t have a show home house. If I did, would you assume I would judge yours? Perhaps giving people the benefit of the doubt and not judging them on their own houses would be a good idea.

I get you, our house is OK not great not bad just OK but my kids friends houses all seem to be amazing but those groups have helped me so hope they can do the same for you

Please please don’t worry as long as it’s clean as you can possibly manage and doesn’t smell people won’t give a hoot.

I did have one horrible child scornfully ask where our play room was and pointed out that his house was far bigger than ours … but he was a rare exception!!!

No window cleaner here, benefits of a bungalow!

Dear Friend, if you come to visit me, you are welcome any time. If you come to see my house, please give me at least six weeks notice.

Houses are what they are. So long as there's somewhere to sit, a nice cup of tea and no obvious health hazards, good people will be happy to visit. Don't worry about the others.

Just explain you recently bought a doer-upper and it’s a work in progress. We went on a play date to a house like that recently. I didn’t think anything of it.

This is exactly what I would do.

As long as you tell people in advance, they will understand.

Oh my gosh, does everyone have a window cleaner?! We've lived in our house for 5 years and never used one!

OP if your house is clean and safe, anyone who is judging it by any other criteria is not worth worrying about. Genuine people really won't care. It's the warmth of the welcome that's the important bit.

Hey OP. I've very recently moved house into a fixer upper and live in a "naice" town where every other family seems to have a £1million quid done up house and my DC has just started reception.

My kitchen is 1980s and my conservatory is also on its last legs and the decor is tired wallpaper.

I've just basically cleaned and tidied the best I can, made it safe enough to play, said excuse the boxes and invited a few friends round here and there (although only one at a time until the house is more unpacked). If anybody doesn't understand the concept of a fixer upper then more fool them. I also won't be getting a new kitchen anytime soon.

Maybe it's because I'm 40 and have started to care less about this sort of thing but I really couldn't give a flying fuck about anyone who would judge me about the speed of cosmetic renovations. Are parents really going to say to their kids, oh darling you can't go round to the mcnamechanges house, their cheap laminate worktops are offensive.

It'll be fine, just clean, tidy and garden the best that you can. Xx