Worried about our house and socialising

Kids do not notice these things.
It costs nothing but effort to clean and garden.
Other than that don't be influenced by social media and other people's houses. A house is a home and children remember where they had fun and the food.

Why is it not clean? That doesn’t cost anything neither does cutting the grass

I don't do playdates at home and my DC are popular.

They meet at the park, events and parties.

Don't stress, not everyone is into them.

You are worrying too much in advance. Honestly, kids do not care about the state of the house - and you won't be the only parent with a house in need of tlc.

I hosted umpteen kids over the years, including sleepovers, and our house was sometimes resembled a tip. I too lived in an area with much grander homes than mine but it didn't bother me at all. I still don't care about such things and am pleased to say my only child, now 45, slso doesn't (I couldn't begin to tell you what the inside of his home is like, suffice to say it's often difficult to find somewhere to sit down and you take your life in your hands crossing a room. He does plenty of hosting).

All will work itself out, I promise you. Be expansive and hospitable. It is what you are like with the kids that matters, and that they are safe which they will be.

Another one who is gobsmacked that you’re pouring every spare penny into over paying the mortgage on a house that needs updating/decorating/jobs doing when you’re living there day in day out and not even enjoying it. It baffles me!

i have been to a huge range of houses over the years of having kids and the only one that has ever stuck out was one that was filthy dirty and I hated every minute being there. Everyone else was fine, some big, some small. I don’t care about things like kitchens etc but as long as your home is clean and you’re welcoming and have Yorkshire teabags I’m happy.

seriously though op you’ve got time to sort out what you can. Don’t do it for anyone else though, do it for yourselves.

When my eldest started reception, we were living in the middle of London and most play dates were in parks to let the kids run off their energy after sitting still in school all day. Even in pretty poor weather, we’d take sacks of snacks and waterproofs. No one’s house got trashed, there was no when-will-they-leave awkwardness, and the kids who weren’t yet great at playing with others didn’t feel so pressured. Be the person who starts a park play date trend, OP 😉

Can you focus on just making one room nice? You don’t need to give people a tour of your house, if you have a nice front room you can take people straight into there. Tell them to take a seat and you’ll bring in some drinks and snacks.

That probably just means spending a weekend giving it a deep clean - and maybe a lick of paint if it needs it.

Then you can always move onto other spaces bit by bit, one room at a time.

And as others have suggested if it makes you feel better you could even say to people you’re having work done so it’s a bit of a tip to explain why they haven’t been taken into the kitchen / the rest of the house.

They also take many many more hours and a great deal more cost than implied. Unless youre working from an excellent 'virgin' base, without dsys of hard graft to prepare, plus cost of tool hire, throwing a tin of paint over it is akin to putting a pig in a petticoat and trying to pass it off as a princess.

You don't have to do anything major. Clean the conservatory. Plane and re-hang the doors (I've done it, it's not too difficult, though two people are better than one) - replace any broken ones if you can. Make sure house is clean. Make sure kitchen is clean. As long as 'outdated' doesn't mean doors hanging off then being clean is sufficient. If doors are hanging off then get a screwdriver and tighten them up (this usually fixes that problem). Get some house plants and tidy the garden - a few Sunday afternoons should do it, it doesn't have to look as if Monty Don came round!
Hey presto! You are ready to receive. And 4 year olds don't much care about decor.

You justify spending no money on maintenance by saying fully renovated houses on your road only sell for the same as unrenovated ones. So why did you buy one that needs so much work instead of a renovated one, for the same price?

Concentrate on the room most people will see first (living room) and just do a big spring clean one weekend. All most people will care about is that your home is clean. I wouldn't care if the paintwork was messy or the garden overgrown but I would mind a manky bathroom!

There's a lot you can do.

It can't be that bad if you are happy to live with it like that in favour of overpaying your mortgage?

If the conservatory is dire, close that off and don't have people in there.

A dated kitchen isn't an issue just make sure its sparkling clean and tidy. Is there anything you can repaint to give it a fresh look?

Its a bit odd to buy something in SUCH a bad state if you haven't the money spare to make it liveable. Why are you pouring so much into overpayments?

You say maintaining it and decorating won't improve its value (not sure I agree), but why is that the ony consideration? What about quality of life and enjoying your home that doesn't have a falling apart conservatory?

I agree with this, unless your mortgage is crippling I think it’s mad to be overpaying when you can’t clean the conservatory etc. A house is first and foremost a home, not just an asset. It should be comfortable and welcoming. I personally feel that if you’re working hard you should feel proud of your home- not ashamed but I guess that’s a personal preference.

I do also feel though that having a tidy, welcoming home that “works” (no holes in walls, broken stuff) is very important for my mental health, but again some people might not feel the same.

Make it as safe as you can and host 1 child at a time for playdates with those you feel most comfortable with. I had a similar dilemma. In the end the ones that came and didn't judge me for the outdated kitchen etc still come today and have seen it all the bad and now the good ! If anything it'll week the judgey ones that like are superficial out. So go ahead, live!

Also I'd say things can be old and tacky but doesn't stop your house from being clean. Ao clean floors, dusting ,tidying etc is a must to stop it feeling all too much.

This ???
Why overpay on a mortgage for a house that’s not fit for living in ?
Even 1-2 k sounds like it would fix all this …

• Pay local company to jet wash exterior of conservatory
• Pay joiner to rehang doors
• Declutter main hosting rooms
• Wrap or paint your kitchen cupboards , we wrapped ours ourselves and put new handles on , all for under £300 as a quick fix until we save for a new kitchen

Anyone who would judge your home isn’t worth befriending anyway, OP.

@kva people judge they judge our home but we are mid work our carpet has tape, there is bare plaster and a steel beam, our ouble glazedwindows are blown, there is no carpet on the stairs, our bath is missing, the patio is awful with cracks and the grass is 90% mud.

We simply say we are still working on the house and just to ignore the bad bits. Not one person has said anything negative some have given us suggestions of trades people, or places to get things which has been real helpful but noone cares if it's clean, safe and tidy.

Oh and noone has a clean conservatory roof they are all grim that's why people have those shutters on them 😎

also not sure about these things you are talking about, like people buying houses for millions and renovating before kids doing reception, lol. I have done playdates in flats or maisonettes or houses ( SE) but just normal house, no bigger than 70 sq m. Most people just furnish simply and functionably and that is that.

I don't understand why you are overpaying your mortgage when your house is in a condition that makes you ashamed. You say maintaining it and decorating won't improve its value (not sure I agree), but why is that the ony consideration? What about quality of life and enjoying your home that doesn't have a falling apart conservatory?

It's okay to spend money you have repaintng some rooms. You say it's holding you back from inviting people over, you have the money to change that but won't.

I've been to few playdates. Most people just don't have clutter, some even almost bear house, just the basic furniture and that is that. Could you do that? Basically just declutter

A decent window cleaner can give it a once over and clear the gutters. Or hire a pressure washer one weekend.

Hi I'm in your situation. The families at school mostly have houses 3,4,5,6 and in a couple of cases 10 times the value of our little "2 up 2 down" house. It's crazy.

My dh and I are both from generational poverty and literally have not had 1p of assistance and will have no inheritance etc. So we have done well to buy something but it is embarrassing to people clearly with/from money. And I can't help that. It's been years and I still feel embarrassed.

I haven't hosted any of the mums from school as I feel so embarrassed. Just because it's clean doesn't mean it makes it any less embarrassing for me. We have done bits and pieces over the years when time and money has allowed but there's still the kitchen and bathroom needing doing, they're both a mess and according to neighbours were both installed in the 90's. They were definitely installed by cowboys so that makes it even worse as it's botch job after botch job.

So I understand. I mean even one of the first comments about someone saying they find it fascinating looking at how other people live, that's exactly what I don't want, feeling like people are coming in for some poverty porn in their eyes.

I always suggested meetup at soft play when kids were young and once they got a bit older I offered to watch their kids and most did a drop and go which has went OK. However I still feel uncomfortable at that because I can see the parents looking around at my sparse and basic living room when mostly all of them have 2 or 3 living rooms (usually a formal sitting room, a playroom and then a big family room).

It may have hindered socialisation I think but I feel very uncomfortable. But I have arranged lots of meetup at softplays and parks when younger and I do kids taxi service now they are older and pickup friends and drop at activities like swimming, take them to McDonald's and arrange pickup at my home or I drop them back off.

I know some people will think that's not good enough but I would feel like they are coming to see how the common folk live and I don't want to feel like that.

I suppose I just want to preserve some of my dignity and I don't feel I can have that when they see the state of our living situation.

Just keep it cleanish. Don't worry about the rest. The kind of friends you want are down to earth people, not people who would discount a friendship because your house doesn't look like dunnelm vomited on it!

I have a lovely house and humble house and live in an area full of very wealthy people so I do understand... but just try not to let it put you off.