Worried about our house and socialising

OP, I think you're the judgmental one here

I cleaned my conservatory. Get some hg window cleaner. A long extending pole and if you have a hose even better. If not do it before rain is due.

Clearing up a garden doesn't need much other than a bit of hard graft either.

People like warm, clean welcoming homes. Bake a nice cake, organise some craft for the kids etc and don't be fooled into thinking you need a fancy house for people to like you.

It’s surprising how many people’s houses aren’t like new builds.

but the first thing you will hear about other peoples houses are - is when they are dirty -

clean houses, clean furniture and clean crockery is a must.

Just keep your house clean and be proud of what you own - because one day you may do it up, although most people after 18 months never do it up til they sell

I think you shouldn’t over think it, just have people over. Prop the doors that don’t close properly open with a door stop, your guests will never know they don’t close. Dated kitchens look fine if they are clean and not cluttered. Make sure the table and sideboards are clear of additional clutter and it makes a real difference. Start trimming back the overgrown garden a little bit each weekend. It’s also fine to say to your guests that the house is a project or a work in progress, just don’t overly apologise for it. Be confident and proud of your home even if it’s now hop you want it to be.

Maybe consider stopping the overpayment for a few months to build up some savings to start some renovations. I understand why you’d opt for overpayments but it’s got to balanced against your ability to live life now. By overpaying you may be mortgage free sooner but may have missed the opportunity for your DD to have friends round, host dinner parties and build new friendships etc.

To answer this - we are prioritising paying off our mortgage over home improvements so that by the time the DC are mid-teens we should be mortgage-free. We will then have more money to help them out with university and/or anything else in life. The cost of living is only going to get higher and higher.

We still have some disposable income for extra-curriculars, days out, holidays etc, just not enough for big house projects!

I think playdates might not happen that much anyway or maybe that's just us? But I find everyone is so busy with work, weekend classes or birthday parties that we rarely have a playdate and in the summer we usually meet up at the park anyway. I have one mum friend whose house I have never been to despite us hosting several playdates - assume she is embarrassed by the state of it or has some other reason not to hostand it doesn't bother me. I don't think it will impact friendships

This !!!! Totally agree

I have the exact opposite problem. We recently renovated our house and is rather on the luxury side. We have play dates at our house but never invited to anyone else’s, although my daughter is invited to birthday party’s (not in homes) and trips to cinema etc. I come from a very humble background, my own parents house is tiny in a not so nice part of a city, which people know, I’m certainly not polished so don’t give off snob vibes, but fear other people think their house will be disappointing to us. We honestly don’t care, we just want to socialise with parents of our daughters friends, so please invite people over, if they are nice and genuine they won’t care what your house is like.

The conservatory is falling apart and needs a good clean, the kitchen is outdated, the garden is overgrown, and a few doors don’t close properly or are broken.

You and your husband could tackle most of this quite easily if you are not in a position to pay others to rectify the problems.

Spend a weekend cleaning the conservatory..

Join Facebook groups and show photos of your kitchen for ideas how to update such as the Frenchic group who paint their cupboard doors for a whole new look.

Spend another weekend in the garden cutting it all back.

Spend another weekend fixing the broken doors.

Unless I've missed a bit where you are both severely physically handicapped.

My daughter regularly stays with her friend from the traveller camp nearby- the trailers are clean and safe, and that’s all that matters, kids just want to see their friends. In fact they probably have more fun there as allowed to eat in bed or paint on the floor! Don’t worry about your house, just feed everyone well and the parents will be glad to have some time to themselves (or is it just me..)

I agree with this.

I wouldn’t be overpaying my mortgage. Your house sounds by your own words truly quite awful and in need of repair and decor. Honestly if it was just outdated but clean then I’d say fine but it sounds way beyond that. And being honest I wouldn’t want to visit your home as it sounds. Meet outside the home till it’s sorted. I’m sure others will say they wouldn’t mind but I really would. Again if things weren’t in disrepair or dirty beyond your scope then I’d say fine but it’s not that. Funnel your money into a lovely welcoming home first. Then overpay.

Invite people over as you are. If other folks are judgy, they’re not the people you want to stay friends with. My favourite friends to visit are the ones who live in quirky surroundings. 😜

I was in a similar position OP. I live in a tiny terrace that needs updating in an expensive area full
of beautiful Victorian mansions. I was so anxious about how this would impact my son’s social life when he started school. I tried to put it to the back of mind and make play dates as fun as possible to make up for the lack of space- crafts/ baking/ games/ snacks. Three years later and we are the house they all want to come to- although the activities have changed! My son has a big group of friends/ gets constant invites to parties and days out with his friends. He’s very social and very happy.

Some elbow grease and a few freebie sites can help enormously.

Cleaning, tidying and fixing the easy stuff will help no end. I've lost count how many houses I've walked into when I was a pet sitter/dog walker many years ago and seen a bundle of quick jobs that cost nothng to do that would make life easier and look nicer for the want of 5 minutes.

There are plenty of ways to cover a fence that is looking knackered but the adage good fences make good neighbours is quite often true, might be worth spending on those even if you only repalce them a panel at a time.

You've got nearly a year - plenty of time to do some small jobs and freshen things up a bit if it bothers you. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Children definitely won't care. My dc1's favourite playdates were with a friend who lived in a tiny, untidy house where they could do pretty much what they wanted and the snacks were great. 20 years ago now but it really put my own anxieties about that kind of thing into perspective.

One of DD’s friends once asked “Why did you rip up your house?” 🥴 It’s a fixer-upper. Doesn’t stop us hosting but I do find myself apologising a lot.

Summer is easier: I have improved the garden as that’s relatively cheap and easy, so kick them all outside. Serve good snacks, have a water activity tray, let them dig, prune and “garden”. Winter, we just make sure it’s clean and tidy, even if the underlying aesthetic is hovel. There’s nothing that can be improved with a tin of paint – it’s all rip it up and start again condition. The kids really don’t care and the parents we’ve had over are more interested in the opportunity for coffee, biscuits, finishing a sentence without a child interrupting. Exception is DD’s room which we blew the budget on doing properly, so she had somewhere non-hovel. They all play in there.

Nobody cares if bits of your house are not "polished". I've never been to someones house to judge their kitchen decor, see if their door hinges align or how clean their windows are. I've gone for a nice hot cup of tea and a natter.

I'm a mum of a 3 year old and a 4 year old who has had plenty playdates. People get told to watch where they are walking incase a random hot wheels car is on the loose 🤣 although I have started to do soft play lately alot more.

Everyone is in the same boat, especially with young children. Remember that old saying .... Those that matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter 😊

Evan and Poffy, the op did not say her home was not clean, just the outside of the conservatory needs specialised cleaning.