Worried about our house and socialising

Nice friends won't care about a dated kitchen! Or a dirty conservatory roof. I had a dates kitchen for years. As long as you can offer a cuppa and it's clean enough inside to be safe and comfortable then do not worry.
Kids love being at other people's houses and seeing their toys. They don't give two hours if it's scruffy.

Also @kva , you said you cut your grass a few times a year …
That’s not enough , in the summer when it’s hot / rainy our grass grows so quickly , we are out every week / 2 weeks at a push running lawnmower over it to keep it trim and neat . It’s a 15 min job at most to keep it neat.
One of our neighbours is like you , cuts it once then leaves it for months to the point it’s long like a meadow and I look out in dismay as it’s so untidy and brings the street down.
Then he will cut it again and the same thing it’s nice for a week or two then left to be an eyesore.
I just can’t understand how fit , able bodied people can’t get out and just keep a patch of lawn mowed…

Sounds like you need to write down all the jobs, break them down eg gardening includes: new fencing, weeding, cutting back, replanting. Some jobs you outsource and pay for, most you learn to do it bit by bit over weekends, annual leave, evenings. Prioritise the most important and agree with husband what to focus on first. Eg safety issues would be top of my list, including replacing fencing, making garden safe to play, getting any rewiring or plumbing issues sorted.

How dare you suggest that OP does DIY! Begone to your little castle with your petty bourgeois ideas about nice homes. The OP is far too busy being entertained at friends’ houses with glasses of Prosecco on the HKOC bar or frequenting the Pont de La Tour to be bothered to do this, dontchaknow.

And don’t even think of paying someone to do it either. Won’t someone think of the spreadsheet?

@Heronwatcher God you sound judgey, “little castle”, “poking nose into finances”, “is your life that boring…”.
Exactly what I said upthread. I think OP is projecting her own issues onto other people who have no idea how much she judges them for being "imaginary judgy"

@kva
You cannot be so naive to think most people don't consider the whole street/area when buying a house? you might not, but most do.
I wouldn't consider a house if next door was a dump/eyesore.

Sounds like you need to write down all the jobs, break them down eg gardening includes: new fencing, weeding, cutting back, replanting. Some jobs you outsource and pay for, most you learn to do it bit by bit over weekends, annual leave, evenings. Prioritise the most important and agree with husband what to focus on first. Eg safety issues would be top of my list, including replacing fencing, making garden safe to play, getting any rewiring or plumbing issues sorted.

Get rid of clutter! A cluttered house never looks clean or tidy.

I don't think other parents will judge you on how old/new your kitchen is, but they may look at potential hazards or get a feeling your home is unkempt, chaotic or un-cared for. But you can fix most of the issues yourselves eg clearing garden bit by bit. Think functional and safe rather than stylish. Get rid of all rubbish then clear it, so it's at least a work in progress. Walls can be painted or papered yourselves eg after work.

Work with the space and budget that you have, don't wait until you've saved up. Children need safe, organised spaces to play, a clean area to eat, easy to use storage for toys etc.

Yes,all of this

As for people "sticking their nose in your finances", you made it sound as though your mortgage is huge,you have no money for tradesmen, people came on to post to help you out with inexpensive ways to make the house nicer nearer so you could have your daughter's friends round. Well, there is obviously plenty of surplus cash,you can take them out for meals, and you won't have to worry about them seeing your dated property.

God you sound judgey, “little castle”, “poking nose into finances”, “is your life that boring…”.

You’ve had some good advice here already (basically pull your finger out and do some basic DIY), as well as people quite politely asking whether you’ve got your priorities straight, given that you yourself appear to admit that you’re ashamed of where you live and, in your own words your house is in “desperate need” of TLC.

Is there any need for the snide comments just because people aren’t agreeing with you that a perfect excel spreadsheet is better than a childhood where kids can have friends over? Maybe you need to take a step back and really think about why you are so defensive (Google “inverse snobbery” for a start).

Is my life boring hell no, 4 DKs, plus grandkids I baby sit for while parents work,up to 5 nights a week nursing big garden, animals,grass is cut every 3 days unless it's raining. Why am I invested in the neighbours, because of the countless viewers who came round and said that they loved our pretty neat cottage, and sorry didn't want to live there because of the neighbours properties. Bindweed, nettles, brambles don't happily sit in one garden, they encroach, they ruin nearby gardens, vegetable plots, eventually the brambles smash through the fence.

Tbh I've no idea why OP has posted, endless advice and she's sticking to her 'we don't use the garden' so it's ok to be a tip.
If you're concerned to the point you realise your house is scruffy, then do something about it. overpaying a mortgage, endless activities but not looking after the house that you're obsessed with owning is very odd.
Keeping the house in a good maintained condition helps increase/hold value, it's your biggest asset; take care of it.

But you're now worried your social life, or the social life of your child, risks being negatively impacted by your house and garden, so why not make a few minor social sacrifices by skipping things for a couple of weekends and do some easily achievable, inexpensive cleaning and redecorating.

Our house is partway through a long-running renovation we've had to pause to scrape together cash for the next stage, but it also has to be habitable, at least in parts, and not be such that we're reluctant to host friends here.

It's perfectly possible you also go out this much at weekends because the house is currently a depressing and uninviting environment. I know we went out more when our house was barely inhabitable and not in a state to have people around on, though one year we did host a big Christmas dinner where we just told everyone to dress very warmly because the house had no back. It's perfectly possible to have a diverse social life that in part happens in your own home, even when that home is far from ideal.

SnoopysHoose, I agree, different if you have serious health issues or impairment,we had a hell of a job to sell our last house,it was a semi, the other side weeds a foot tall in the gutters alone, other side, garden full of rubbish. These were professional people, one was a manager for a big pharma company, the other a private clinical psychologist.

I do judge houses with overgrown gardens, it makes the area look awful, miss a trip to the park and tidy it up, a power washer is less than £100. Take pride in the house you're overpaying to own, very very odd attitude towards your home.

You say you don't have time to do the garden or clean the conservatory, because you work full time,in front of a lap top. You have a cleaner,go out every weekend to parks, because you can't bear being at home, and you don't want a pretty little castle. How long have you been in the property? We have always bought doer uppers,it's the only way we could ever afford to buy,apart from double glazing and driveways we did all the work ourselves. About 6 years ago I got a quote to clean the outside of our conservatory it was £1.300 I was gobsmacked,we bought a pressure washer, already had ladders. Of course you need to do basic maintenance, building societies insist on it it will be in the conditions, because until you pay off the mortgage,it actually belongs to them..

We have a Reno project house. Wall outside falling in, roof on barn is in bad shape. Wall down in the house and exposed stone. But it’s obvious it’s a reno. The rooms already done are pristine.
Weve yet to do the kitchen but couldn’t stand to see it in a state so we have painted the cupboards and wrapped the work top. The wrap was £7 a roll in b and q and the paint £30.

i make sure the house is show home like, windows cleaned etc.