Worried about our house and socialising

As long as the place isn’t actually unhealthy, NOBODY CARES! I’m surprised you’re getting any responses other than that. If you tend to be obsessive, please control it so your family’s social life doesn’t suffer.

Our house is a renovation project and I totally get where you are coming from with regards to entertaining, but in reality no one else cares! People are coming for your company and to play with your kid. Yes, we’re all nosey - I say we are renovating and tackling one area at a time when funds allow - cost of living has affected us all!

However, time to give yourself a good shake and get out of the rut (I’ve been there too). Write out a ‘to do list’ in priority order. Which area is affecting you the most and what hat needs to be done in there:

Conservatory

1. clean down outside - bucket of hot soapy water and a sponge. Do the roof with a mop if money is really tight
2. Repair conservatory
3. clean and tidy inside

Garden

1. Rip out broken fence and take to tip
2. Replace fence
3. Make life easy - rip out flower beds and seed down by spring you’ll have a lawn

These might not be your priority and an exact description of what needs doing, just an example of making the jobs manageable and you get satisfaction by ticking the tasks off.

My husband has just single handedly replaced our entire bathroom suite from YouTube videos. You and your husband can do all these jobs, you just need to find your mojo.

All the best

For summer socialising, get a plastic gazebo and take visitors around the outside?

Explain maybe to one mum who is chatty that your house needs work but you are overpaying your mortgage. Hopefully it will get around so you won't have to explain every time.

Op, you're just overwhelmed by scale. Loads of peeps work FT and do the home slowly. All work just needs to be broken down into manageable chunks and listed. Alsi woek zonally. For instance I do little jobs after work like clean a shelf or change door lock, tighten/straighten something and then use a Sat to tackle a big ticket item. Sun to chill.
Your garden nay take one weekend or 10.
Just recently updated my loft, went room by room.
Can be done without money except for materials.

My kids are teens. I can count on one hand the number of times we have hosted other kids and families. Generally we’ve met people at parks and soft play. But with extra curricular and work we don’t find we have had loads of time for having people round. My kids have been to other friends’ houses occasionally and on the occasion the child has come back to ours the parent hasn’t come to socialise. The one come home with us after tea then get picked up from the front door later. Only now my youngest is a teen she has started spending alot of time at friends’ houses and we’ve had those friends back. Rarely in her room though as it’s the box room so I tend to go up to my room and leave them to the lounge. My house is quite cluttered. The few I’ve been to collect from are all show home type families who have spotless and clutter free homes. Bit they all have much bigger homes. Sadly we have a very small home. It’s always clean though. And we try to hide clutter when friends are coming over now. Teen bedrooms are a whole other thing though as far as keeping tidy!!

If you don't live in squalor and you are a nice person I wouldnt care what the house looked like. If you made me welcome I'd be happy to socialise with you again.

I just wondered why, if you knew what state it was in when you bought it, that you're now finding it embarrassing to have visitors.

I can’t believe the negativity on this thread, I think you have made the right financial choice by thinking ahead for your children’s future. Showing off a nice insta house to keep up with the Jone’s is why so many people are in a financial mess in this country and not thinking ahead for their pension pot. But be proud of your current house and don’t worry what people think, genuine people will not care, those are the type of friends you want your children to have.

Have you actually taken on board or agreed with any practical advice or tips that have been given ?
So many good sensible posts on here …

Why buy a place with a big garden if you don't like them? 🙄

It just seems like you're buying a lifestyle you think you should want, but you don't actually like it.

And you want to appear a certain way to people, but that's not you either.

Why did you buy the house if it needs a lot doing to it to make it presentable, and with a garden that you have no intention of making a pleasant area for your child to play in?

This.

It’s winter; nobody’s going to see the outside of your conservatory. In the spring, clean it yourself! We had an enormous conservatory, you just buy UPVC cleaner, get your old clothes on and an extending brush for the roof. Use the hose, not a pressure washer on the roof.

Just take kids to the park in the spring/summer months and have a picnic. For now go to McDonald's or similar. You can tell parents that you are doing up the house and it's not so child friendly atm. People will understand. You can also offer to do drop offs to clubs.

I’m in the same boat only I rent. Because I literally can’t, and never will be able to afford to buy. The house is a shit hole, in a shit hole area. I dream about owning my own house, no matter what state it was in, just to say it was mine. So it just shows you that even though you think your house is awful, there is people out there that are envious lol. I bet it’s not even bad, at least it’s yours and you will have something to leave your kids, unlike me who’s got nothing to offer them. The guilt eats me up

Gosh this thread’s gone a bit mad hasn’t it?

You shouldn’t have told us you were overpaying the mortgage op I think the green-eyed monster has started to lurk…

You won’t regret it when you’re mortgage free while everyone else still has another 10 years left. Equally though a person in the opposite situation won’t regret years of living in a beautiful comfortable house even if the mortgage isn’t completed before term. It’s what you choose to prioritise.

Anyway the lifestyle choices are a red herring. If your house is clean then it doesn’t matter, decent people won’t judge. Personally I don’t care how small a person’s house is or how much in need of repair, what I really can’t stand is when it’s left dirty permanently.

Sure, but you started this thread because you were worried your overgrown garden and falling apart house were going to have a negative impact on your own and your daughter's social lives, and asking for tips on how to make things look better without investing much time and money. Isn't that also a way of focusing on yourself and your own needs?

But this is a you problem! As you’ve said, your daughter may not be able to have friends around! If the grass is knee length if she can get out there she can’t sit on the grass and have a mini picnic, play ball, go on a trampoline or just appreciate some flowers or a few herbs. She might also get ticks, tread in fox poo or on broken glass. If the fence is rickety it’s downright dangerous.

I know you say you go to the park, but I don’t believe you can be doing that every evening especially if you’re going to the gym and working. Or say in the 15 min between coming home from school and going out again.

I’m no gardener but when I lived in a city we went to the park loads at the weekend but in the week my kids were in and out of the garden all the time. It was small but we had a mini trampoline, climbing frame, sandpit, small swing. We had tomatoes, chives and strawberries. They played out there with their friends and we even had birthday parties there. We ate outside all the time. None of this is possible if you only mow the lawn a few times a year. I appreciate you’ll say that your family is different but don’t you think it’s a bit sad that you have this amazing resource which your child isn’t using. And she can’t choose to mow the lawn herself.

Plus if you get a heavy lawnmower and do a bit of digging it’s excellent exercise, plus it’s also free and in the fresh air. So if you did that once a week instead of the gym you could kill two birds with one stone.