Worried about our house and socialising

This.

Also as a lone parent who works full time I still manage to keep the house clean, sort out broken stuff and kept the garden ok. This isn't DIY it's maintenance

YouTube is your friend on stuff you aren't sure how to tackle.

And no one expects a show home, they won't care if your kitchen is outdated. Just that it's clean and safe.

I also wouldn't be over paying the mortgage when there are basic repairs that need doing.

Tidy up the garden when it's better weather.

Clean the conservatory.

No one will notice doors don't shut least of all 5 year olds.

Make sure her bedroom is nice and have something nice for tea and that's all that matters.

We lived in a first floor flat with no garden until ds was 5 and had loads of play dates,his best mate at the time lived in a 5 bed house 2 roads away and didn't make a blind bit of difference.

My advice would be don't let your anxiety stop you hosting, it's good to have lots of friends and really good when you have a network of mum friends where you can call in favours if necessary.

Ds is an only child so we had at least one play date a week and when he was a teen I seemed to acquire multiple extra teens most days 😊

An overgrown garden is easy taken care of as is any dirt or untidiness.
I'd not be overpaying a mortgage on a house that's falling down, no logic in that.

Why are you overpaying the mortgage? Sorry that probably sounds like a stupid question, but if you're self conscious about your house wouldn't it make more sense to spend some money on it now to get it to a state you're happy with? The way I see it, these are the years we are most cash strapped, when we are building a life for our children, now is not the time to be overpaying the mortgage. I could pay loads down and be mortgage free when the kids have moved out, but I have kids NOW, I want money as a family now.

Invite people over and tell them to excuse the unfinished condition of your home, its a project and you have work planned. Make one room clean and child friendly and host away!

conservatory is falling apart and needs a good clean, the kitchen is outdated, the garden is overgrown, and a few doors don’t close properly or are broken

Why can’t you clean the conservatory and do some trimming in the garden?

I’d have no issue with an outdated kitchen or wobbly doors but an unclean house isn’t fair on the kids.

Tidy up, de clutter, give everything a good deep clean. It will be fine!

You could make improvements that cost nothing!

1. Clean the conservatory.

1. Cut back and tidy the garden

1. Take doors off and plane/sand down where they're sticking (YouTube will have videos on How To rehang)

1. Tidy the kitchen and could you not afford paint for the units to refresh on the cheap? Or just a really good clean.

You have a number of options.

In the better weather - so September and in the summer - you can organise to meet at local parks or recreation grounds.

If you are quick off the mark you can organise a few of these pretty much as soon as she starts and get to know some other children and mums.

It's quite likely there will be other parents in exactly your situation as well.

Come the winter, well 5 year olds don't really care what a house looks like. Tell the mums you are renovating it.

I’ve been to a variety of houses and just love seeing how other people live. I think as long as it’s relatively clean it’s absolutely fine. I go to one house regularly that I swear is like the hoarders next door. I would find it incredibly stressful to live like that but find it absolutely fascinating to look at all the stuff they have.

you might get people that judge but at the end of the day if the kids are 4-5 they’re not going to care so I would say don’t let it put you off. Just be friendly and try to make it cleanish.

edited to add I have a (not quite) friend who I’ve walked past her house so many times and she always says ‘oh I’d invite you in but…..’ <insert very lame sounding excuse> they’ve been in mine loads and she used to ask me to take her kids a fair amount. I don’t class her as a friend really because she never invites us in. I don’t expect it spotless but feel sad she won’t let me past the front door. So I would advise just be welcoming