Worried about our house and socialising

Have you thought about not overpaying for a year and doing up the downstairs if your house? New kitchen doors and a paint job perhaps?

But that's not at all what you said in your OP. Unless it's the bathroom door nobody would even notice that.

Kids love snacks and toys and warmth and fun. Some of my kids favorite playdates have been in houses I found disgustingly dirty, or small and cramped, or decorated not to my taste. Doesn't matter. You're right in thinking it's important to have playdates, so do what you need to do to get comfy with it. It's noted when you don't invite kids over.

Stop overpaying your mortgage, use the spare cash to get the house cleaned and the conservatory cleaned. The garden you can do yourself, buy some paint and paint the main rooms so they're fresh , fix the doors that are broken and get some bright home wares to brighten up the place.

You should not be overpaying if you're not in a position to do so, no point having a house paid for that you can't use now. Your children will grow fast and they wont want to sit indoors.

Also trust me, Kids are very honest they don't be afraid to point out things in your house

Except she is saying it's in serious need of TLC and the conservatory is falling apart + there are broken doors, not just doors that need adjusting.

Jeez, it's a few doors need adjusting, a new fence and the conservatory jet washed people. The house isn't falling down around her 😂

So long as the kitchen and bathroom are relatively clean, don't worry - just learn not to care. I know it's easier said than done but there are lots of ways of living in this world and if your neighbours/ kid's friends' parents are going to judge you and find you wanting then let them - they are small-minded and their opinion doesn't matter one jot.
I do understand because our house is falling down and some people will judge, but my real friends accept me and don't care. You'll get to know some of the mums, and hopefully will hit it off with some of them and will just want your company 😁

It makes no sense to overpay your mortgage while letting your asset fall into disrepair, you need to maintain your home to prevent depreciating value.

Why pour all spare cash into over paying the mortgage on a house with a dilapidated conservatory and wild garden 🤨 wouldn’t you be better off making those two areas somewhere the kids can enjoy?

For the outside of the conservatory you can hire pressure washers in your local tool hire place. Pressure washing is easy and very satisfying. You don’t need a professional in to do it. You’ll need a ladder for the roof - you can hire those too if you don’t have one.

For the rest of the house, it’s okay to say that’s it’s a project and you’re taking your time to work out a plan. No one worthwhile will judge you for that, as long as it’s all clean and tidy it all good.

How long have you lived in these conditions? If it's years then I'd say you are unlikely to get it fixed and it's more likely going to be in a worse state come next September. Most people wouldn't choose to live with a conservatory that's collapsing, an unsecure and overgrown garden and broken interior doors and they would prioritise that above overpaying their mortgage.

What have you been doing up until now? It's not like a social life suddenly starts when they start reception. Does she (or you) not have friends over at all now either?

Kitchen - frenchic paint and fablon/dc-fix could totally transform it - there's a FB group where you can see what lots of other have done with this stuff.

Garden - buy a few gardening tools, mower, hedge trimmer. Some plants/pots. Clean it up, tackle one area at a time. Replace fence panels as and when.

Conservatory - buy/hire a pressure washer, get up some ladders and clean it?

Nothing you have mentioned needs loads of money throwing at it or even any professionals

Why are you pouring all your spare cash into the mortgage?? Yet letting the actual home go to ruin. I find that odd.

Why on earth are you overpaying your mortgage when you say your home needs some home improvements, you want to host but house not in a condition to do so ?

Your window cleaner (assuming you hopefully have one) can do this. Ours cleans gutters etc too. So cheap too!

This! Everyone has time to do this stuff and it doesn't cost much. Or get a one off gardener to do that part at least. I would be put off if I took my child round for a playdate and the garden was overgrown and the conservatory was dirty enough for you to mention it. Same with kitchen doors hanging off. This can all be easily and cheaply sorted, if not by you then by local handman/gardener etc that doesn't cost the earth at all.

Why does anyone have to go into the conservatory? Just use the sitting room or some other decent inside space.

you could always ask the other parents for recommendations on conservatory cleaners, kitchen people etc, so they realise you are not just a slob but actively renovating ( even if you aren’t )

Cleaning and tackling the garden aren’t expensive jobs so do them and you may feel better same with putting cupboard doors back on , lots of people will understand that you are saving for renovations - as long as it’s not dangerous to be there

Clean is good and most important for play dates and shouldn't require any cash

Falling down conservatory sounds dangerous and should be fixed

An outdated kitchen is irrelevant