Worried about our house and socialising

Focus on the low hanging fruit- the garden you can do yourself, the conservatory also doesn’t sound like an elaborate project.
focus on the areas from the front door to where the socializing is happening- make sure those are clean and in decent condition.
also if you don’t focus on maintenance soon-ish you may have much larger projects in your hands over time with things really falling apart.

tbh I wouldn't want to invite over (or spend time with) anyone who judges your home so harshly. Some homes need work, it shouldn't be an issue for them.

As long as your home is clean, warm & welcoming inside then I'm sure most people won't notice half the things you've mentioned. If it's safe then you have no reason to not invite people over & children for playdates. If you're that concerned what others think just explain that you're trying to over pay on your mortgage to get it paid off quicker & it doesn't leave much left over for non essential maintenance/repairs. Wait until the warm weather & get out when you can to tackle the garden so your child & friends have outdoor space to play in. An hour here & there will be all it takes to keep it tidy. Everyone has hang ups about their home to some degree, but it shouldn't stop you having people over & socialising.

I’d judge you for being the weird parent that doesn’t reciprocate. It’s about loving your kids enough to put them first and whatever anyone says, kids love having friends around to play and denying them of that opportunity is very, very sad. If there’s a genuine reason go to the park, but worrying what others think shouldn’t influence you.

That's exactly it! Your home is your kingdom. If other ppl have IG-able houses, well, good for them. But that shouldn't be the yardstick for everyone. People have different lives, experiences, priorities. When it comes to personal stuff, it's never one-size-fits-all.

Op I just want to caution you... I have an Instagramable house and I still wouldn't judge if yours wasn't perfect. Don't assume these people will be judging you just because they have a different social background. We each prioritize spending differently as you well know. Waiting to spend money on the home doesn't make you a less worthy person.

I think you should reassess your needs and wants. Do you really want to improve your house? Or do you just feel obligated to because of the kids/ socializing etc? Reason I say that is the Instagram remark and the fact that you said you'd mowing the lawn to meet the needs of your guests. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably be doing playdates, etc somewhere else, like parks, as suggested by someone here. There's no law, at least not in my book, that says you should be having people over if you're feeling self-conscious about the state of your house and improving it feels like a burden. Life is too short to waste it trying to please others at the expense of your own well-being.
Nevertheless, if you have a change of heart, there are tons of videos on YT and pictures on Pinterest to inspire you. Inspire, not dictate. It's your home, and you should organize/ decorate it as you and your family see fit.

But you're inviting the people for yourself and your child, right? You're not inviting people around to do them a favour, you're inviting them because you want them there, and because you want to promote your daughter's social life by hosting her friends.

I would certainly see that as investing in myself as much as a gym routine, and think that anything within reason I needed to do in order to facilitate a social life I wanted (whether it was mowing the lawn or giving the kitchen a temporary repaint) was investing in myself and my life, and that of my child.

Like we have an enormous garden, part of which is still a building site and will be for another couple of years -- I would replace the lawn with a small orchard if it were up to me, but DS likes having friends over to play football, so I keep it as a lawn for now. I don't do it. I get someone in.

Actually, as regards your garden, the growing season is done, so if you get someone in to do a good clear-out now, it won't need anything at all done to it for months, and will be easier to keep on top of once the growth starts again in the spring.

You could always decide the people in instagram homes are boring and their opinion of little worth - quite possible! My house is far too large for me, now, but I will not move. It's comfy, it's full of stuff and memories and vaguely what's called 'country house chic' though it's not in the country and I am not 'county' either. People like it - amazing - or think it's untidy and needs modernising. So what? I like it. It also has a huge garden, which I do what I can with - no lawn, paving and flower beds and paths.

I don't know why you would neglect the garden. It's a part of the property your DD will enjoy. If you are not into gardening, then have a lawn (needs mowing once a week in summer), paving and pots of plants and make a place for a swing, paddling pool, climbing frame etc. Just because you both work full-time does not mean you need neglect a garden - which will become more difficult to reclaim the longer it is left and is a value-adding asset.
And I would re-hang doors that do not shut (dangerous in case of fire) and replace broken ones. Doing that is more important IMO than paying off a bit of the mortgage. The house will be worth less than you've paid for it if you do not keep it renovated (you can calculate what you will have paid by totting up yearly mortgage payments over the life of the mortgage plus any deposit you put down).

I wouldn’t worry about things being dated and shabby .
I wouldn’t judge that at all .
Is it clean , is it safe , is it comfortable?
I would definitely get a professional garden clear out and fencing fixed / replaced

Op I'm not sure what you want from this thread? You started off saying that you were embarrassed by your house and worried would impact on your daughter's ability to socialise and have play dates. You said you couldn't afford to get trades in to fix and no time to do DIY as you work full time. BUT it turns out you've plenty of money but you are spending it on what are your priorities at the moment such as clubs, gym, cleaners, days out and holidays and overpayment of mortgage (which is fine). You also have free time but you are choosing to spend it out and about or at the gym (which is also fine). But don't you see that it's all about choices... You could choose to do all the DIY and get the doors fixed etc. and trim back the garden but you don't want to. That's a choice you are making so how can we help you with that?

Regarding play dates though the reality is kids don't care as long as the place is clean and safe and there are snacks!

I did a lot of playdates, usually friday for my children over many years.
My party piece was I used to throw on a tray of simple little cup cakes, with chocolate chips in them.
A simple recipe that I didn't even measure out.
They would be baked and out of the oven in 15-20 minutes and were just delicious warm.
That with toasties, ham and cheese were the snacks I did.
My children regularly told me that their friends said my food was the best.
15 years later my son told me his friends, all mid 20's now, remember my hot cup cakes.
It really is the simple things that make a difference.

OP, you like to be out doors at the weekend but investing time in your house will improve it.

Do not power wash the conservatory as it could damage the seals and you will have leaks.
An extendable brush with a bucket of washing up liquid and hot water would make a huge difference.
Wash off with a regular hose.
Clear the conservatory inside and look on second hand sites for funiture and rugs to make it a fun play space.

Fix doirs hanging off or stuck.
Do what you can to tidy and clear the garden.
A few plastic pots with cheap bedding plants can cheer it up.

Clean, smelling nice and tidy goes far.
Look at sites about upscaling and renovating old brown furniture by painting.
The difference is amazing.
Same with painting kitchen units.

Absolutely! Clear the garden, clean conservatory and just tell people you are renovating. I always get comfort from seeing houses that are not perfect as it makes me feel better about mine! You definitely need to start those friendship groups etc for your daughter. I was the odd one out at school and never had friends home. Believe me it does affect you

My sister lives in a perfect Instagram entertaining house it’s huge. I hate it. She never has any loo roll, the house is freezing due to its size and it echos. It’s not homely and warm so I have no jealousy in all honesty

I have 2 boys, but it’s nice to hear from your perspective, it does make me feel bad that I haven’t been able to have something for them to ‘inherit’ as such. But then on the flip side these days usually the house is sold on death to pay for x y z.. so maybe I’m being unrealistic. Suppose I just wish I had my own home instead of lining the pockets of another landlord. But how do we save and pay rent! Impossible. It’s over a thousand a month for rent these days anyway! Thanks for the reply and I see it in a different perspective now

It seems to me that you've got your priorities all wrong OP, as you sound almost proud that you have pest control coming round regularly, and a fox in your garden. Most people wouldn't be at all happy about that, as it's clear you've got an infestation if you've had to get them out, and like it or not, people will think badly of you if your garden is a mess, and then they see the pest control van turning up. Also, having a fox in your garden could be a danger to your children, so surely you don't want to be encouraging that either do you?

Also, if you're so worried about people thinking badly of you because of the state of your home, then I don't see why you won't do as I suggested, ie, put half of the extra that you're paying off the mortgage, towards smartening the place up, so that it doesn't go to rack and ruin, while you're busy paying off the mortgage, and then once you've done the necessary work, you can then go back to overpaying, but in the interim you'll be able to be proud of your home, and not too embarrassed to invite people round.

OP I would be putting the garden quite high on my priority list, as once a garden is let go, it can become an open invitation to rats, as there are lots of lovely places for them to hide. Also, surely it would be better to sort it out, so that your child and their friends can play out, when the weather is OK, plus of course your neighbours won't be happy if you let your garden go.

What's with the obsession about paying down the mortgage? You NEED to maintain the house, otherwise you may end up paying off the mortgage, on a house which will be falling down if you don't do regular maintenance. Remember the old adage 'A stitch in time?' Plus these sort of jobs get more expensive the longer they're left, so why not put maybe, half of what you're overpaying on the mortgage, towards getting, and keeping the house up together, then once it's in a better condition, you can go back to overpaying.