To not want this to be a big deal - child free wedding

77 replies

LavenderLavender · 05/11/2024 09:47

DH’s relative is getting married later next year. We’d initially been told that family children would be welcome but now we’ve had the formal invitation that is not the case. Our daughter will be 9 months at the time. The wedding is in a different city (about 3 hours away from us) and in-laws had already booked accommodation for us in a lovely looking hotel for a couple of days on the basis that we’d be going as a family (FIL spent a long time calling round to try and find the most baby-friendly option).

I’ve absolutely no issue with the bride and groom having a child free day (we had family only/babies only at our wedding so understand how children can quickly add to the headcount!). We don’t have anybody local to the wedding who could babysit and I don’t think I’d feel happy leaving her with my relatives who live in our city and then go that far away (although that could change by 9 months!).

DH family is the sort that only get together for weddings and funerals so for various aunties etc this was likely going to be the first chance to meet our daughter. I’ve suggested that DH goes with his family anyway and I’ll stay at the hotel. DD and I can have a day exploring a new city and then I’ll get room service or something. To be honest the wedding venue doesn’t look particularly child friendly so I was a bit nervous about taking my daughter anyway. If I travel to the city instead of staying home we could potentially meet up with his wider family for a coffee the day after.

DH and in-laws are upset about this and want to approach the couple and ask them to reconsider. I’m mortified at this suggestion! It’s an awkward situation as the mother of the bride was under the impression that our daughter was invited but it is what it is. DH is now saying he doesn’t want to go as he won’t enjoy it if I’m not there but I don’t want it to look like we’re boycotting because of the no children thing (although we hadn’t formally RSVP’d we’d indicated when chatting that we’d be there).

Any suggestions before this needlessly gets blown up?

OP posts:

BIossomtoes · 05/11/2024 10:05

Most childfree weddings make an exception for babies. Are you assuming you can’t take the baby because her name isn’t on the invitation?

WickedlyCharmed · 05/11/2024 10:02

My suggestion would be do absolutely anything except approach the couple and ask them to reconsider allowing your children to attend.

You’ve come up with a great compromise.

If your DH doesn’t want to do as you’ve suggested and go without you, you send a “sorry we can’t make it, hope you have a wonderful day” card. DH and his parents need to get over it, and you need to stop framing it as it looking like you’re “boycotting” the wedding.

If it was the bride and groom themselves who initially told you your children would be invited, rather than some other family member who has got the wrong end of the stick, then they should be understanding and accept your declining their invite graciously.

If it was the Mother of the Bride who misunderstood, then she’s got some explaining to do to the bride and groom, and probably not just on your behalf if she’s been going round telling everyone in the family that their children are invited!

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