To not want my parents alone at Christmas

Yep. His Christmas behaviour should be the last straw. They might as well agree to separate now. Then OP can have Christmas with her parents and kids and he can go fish,

If you're definitely going to separate whatever, I wouldn't compromise. I'd almost think, get it over and done with before Xmas. That way, there's no tension either because you haven't had your parents or they're with you.

In other circumstances, I'd say it would be reasonable for you to spend the day together as a family. Your parents have eachother and can still enjoy the day, and I understand your DH just wants the day as his immediate family.

This is a great idea. Negotiating holidays, birthdays etc will happen soon so by planning new traditions and test running them this year might normalise it for the kids moving forward.

You're welcome. Hope I didn't offend you. It's just my opinions and thoughts.

Playing devils' advocate, do your parents actually want to be at your house on Christmas day @Belle04 ? (With the other people there as well etc...) Me and DH couldn't think of anything worse than forced fun and banal conversation with our DC's partners family - and being stuck in that situation for the whole of Christmas day!

Me and DH pop and see our 2 DC on Christmas morning (they live 13, and 18 miles from us and we all meet at the one that is 13 miles away and spend 2 hours there.) Swapping gifts and having a few mince pies, and a glass of sherry - DH doesn't drink so he can drive us back. They pop and see their partners parents/their families on Christmas Eve, and the 23rd December - (like the nan, cousins, and an aunt or two.)

Anyway, on Christmas day, after seeing our DC, we go back to our own home around midday, and then we have our Christmas day as individual couples.

I don't understand why people can't just spend Christmas in their own home - with their partner/wife/husband/children. Why do so many people have to try to create a big happy family Christmas like you see on TV/in the TV ads?! It rarely goes to plan and half the people there end up hating the other half. You have all year to see each others families; just chill and relax on Christmas day in your own home. And why can you not see them on one of the days running up to Christmas.. 18th-24th December ...?

I bet the children would prefer that too. Our 2 DC used to love spending Christmas day with just me and DH - we would go see our parents/their grandparents Christmas Eve, and ring them for 10 minutes on Christmas day to wish them a Merry Christmas. (Mine and DH parents all died some years ago sadly...)

They hated it when their partners started dragging them around 7 different family members on Christmas day, (out from 10am to 8pm - to parents, sister, aunts, cousins, nan and grandad etc,) so much so that they couldn't fit US in. So after 3 Christmases they rebelled and said 'fuck this! I am staying in my own home! And just for a change I am seeing MY parents,' and the ridiculousness stopped.

They said they much preferred the quiet Christmas days we used to have. Roll out of bed at 9am, open the gifts, have some Christmas snacks, play some games, go for a walk, then come back and have Christmas dinner at around 4-5pm and watch a Christmas film in the evening with trifle, and mince pies, and Quality Street. What is wrong with doing this?

I do think your DH is a bossy git though

.@Belle04

You're a fool to give him one last shot, to be honest.

He's not a good man.

Bu they will ask where he is surely?

How do you think they'd feel knowing this?

And if he stays at home with them all surely it will be very tense?

I'd be mortified going to see my kids for Xmas dinner and then suss that they were separating or there'd been a row over who did what on that day.

OP I'm sorry to say this but it appears to be about YOU and getting one over your H, rather than being realistic over what is best for your parents.

Have you told them how things are between you?

Christmas day is part of your culture and having your parents is important to you.

To be fair, the last thing they may want is to come when there is a rift between you and your H.

They will sense it.

How old are they?

They can't be that elderly if one of them still have a parent alive.

I hope you aren't calling anyone in their 60s or early 70s 'elderly'!

Invite your parents, have a great day with your kids, he can do what he likes.

I voted YABU as I don’t understand why you give a toot what a man you are about to divorce wants to do for Christmas.

If he had insisted that his parents should be invited but not her parents would the response still be the same?

Stand your ground OP. He is not a keeper. 💐

Would there be an atmosphere if your parents came for lunch, as a parent I would hate that.

Could you do a meal with them and your DC (without DH) on a different day eg Christmas Eve. Maybe do an alternative Christmas Day meal so have the Turkey full trimmings etc, with your parents (if that is what you like) and then have a different meal on Christmas Day. Then your parents can pop in on Christmas Day and go home before the meal.

Going forward if you do split up, it is possible you won't have the children every Christmas Day, so having a Christmas meal on a different day with your parents on alternate years may become the norm.

That would certainly be true in some cases - specifically those in which both parties are loving, kind, thoughtful and supportive of the other. And where the ILs or parents have been unreasonable in demanding that their wants or expectations should always be given top priority.

But that's not the case here.

If you are 'on the brink of seperation' but are staying together Christmas is really not the time to be inviting people into your home. I'd be keeping it low key and focusing on yourselves and children.

Families will only add to the existing stresses

First of all, I'm sorry to hear you are not well - didn't want to quote your post without saying that!.

Second - nail on the head! . Sounds like this family needs some time for them to at least establish whether the marriage is worth saving, and to give the kids a more focused Christmas if there is to be upheaval.

Also, the OP wanting her parents round is more or less the same demand as the OP's DH is making. The parents won't be on their own - they can be visited.

The stress of ONE DAY is quite alarming sometimes..Christmas is a period, Christmas dinner is one meal. This situation can easily be resolved.

How can your parents be elderly if they have at least one parent living?

My mum is 70 and working full time in a professional job. If I called her elderly she would slap me.

Yet your parents can't cook a Christmas dinner?

I can see why you are about to divorce him. What a petty pratt. Tell him your parents are coming for Christmas, end of discussion.

I agree 100% with this. My first thought was that your parents wouldn't be alone, and if one partner wants a quiet Christmas lunch this year, just the four of you there's no harm in that.