To not want my parents alone at Christmas

True, this is also a good option. If you have Christmas at home on the day itself you could get away from it all with the children and your parents on Boxing Day. Make a whole day of it and it will be just as special.

Mentioning it probably isn't wise. If they'd wanted to invite the PP, they would have.

I suspect the person who said that this is very over, and you've got no room at all to compromise because you're done with this, is right. You're flogging a dead horse.

DH's parents might not be alone, but they'll also miss your baby's first Christmas. Surely the only reasonable thing to do here is to make room for everyone, or no-one?

It depends on the circumstances.

Location matters.

There are no trains on Xmas and Boxing Day. The roads are crazy and the weather can be a factor.

Don't let him control you, especially if you are cooking etc.

Christmas is a time for extended family. Everyone saying OPs parents have “each other” are being very Scrooge like. Of course it’s normal to have parents/grandparents together at Christmas!! I wouldn’t have it any other way, neither would anyone I know.

We rotate Christmas day and spend it with my in laws one year and my parents the next. This means my in laws being on their own on their own every other year while my parents are never alone as my brother always spends Christmas with them. My DH found the idea of them spending the day alone hard initially but eventually came to accept it was the best solution. We always do a second full Christmas day on boxing day or the 27th with the family we didn't see though. Would something like this be a solution?

They're not on their own - they've got each other? They're coming in the morning? Why does everyone have such complex arrangements? Just say everyone round in the morning see the kids etc and then its just dinner for you 2 and the kids. Sounds reasonable to me.

It might be an idea to have a chat with your parents & given the circumstances of your marriage they may understand your DH wanting to have a shot at spending the majority of Christmas day yourselves.

Personally there are sometimes Christmas days where although we spend time with most of our extended families on both sides over the whole Christmas season, including adult children & young grandchildren, due to circumstances the actual day has been just DH & I & we love it. We get to make our own choices of food,timings, TV etc & generally chill for the whole day. We never feel we are 'left alone' & wouldn't in the future when necessary. I suppose it all depends on the couple concerned though.

OP don't forget how damaging it is to children to hear their father 'verbally abuse' their mother. If they haven't heard it yet, they will... But more importantly it is very damaging to YOU to live with this abuse. Find your strength. He is not a good man, husband or father. Good luck!

@Belle04 is your parents' house really too small for you to go with your children and spend the afternoon there and have a simplified Christmas dinner so it's not too much for the kitchen/dining area?

Have breakfast and open presents at home, a vaguely Christmassy lunch so your DH is happy enough, then he can go to his parents for the afternoon.

I think that's what I would do in your situation.

DH PARENTS won’t be alone. Why should mine?! I bet if his parents were alone he would have a different tune to whistle.

But there is a difference. Your H's family have other children to be with.

Your parents aren't alone. They have each other.

You have the highly 'romantic' idea that all families should be together at Christmas. Often, location prevents that and so do many other reasons.

Given what appears to be an impending divorce, I think you should have a quiet day on your own without making it a big deal. Or, take your kids to see your parents and go home for lunch.

I can’t foresee any situation where I’d want to be away from my children especially if they are going through a hard time like I am/have been.

There is a big difference between feeling like you do when your children are tiny and when they are adults.

There are many families who don't get together for Xmas. It's not the end of the world. Your parents only live 30 mins away. You can see them daily if you choose to.

Mine live 7 hours away and we have never ever spent Christmas with them since we had our children.

You're talking as if your parents are very old 'How much time with them' but seriously- how old are they? And compared to many of us, they live what I'd call round the corner.

I'm sorry to hear about your MIL but, being honest, very few mums are going to side with a DIL. They will stick up for their son.

It sounds as if your marriage is over and I'd not want to spend Christmas at your house as it would to too tense.

It's your home
Invite who you like

I get it, OP - my DP are in their 80s and even though they would have each other, they would be sad to not be with us on Xmas Day so we always have them over. I would want them to stay too and given your DH's behaviour, I would be prepared to push for it. He hasn't given a good reason not to.

They won't be alone as they have each other. If only one parent were alive, I would say to invite them, but they have each other.

Have you asked your parents how they would feel about having Christmas with just the two of them this year? They might like it!

Having said that - my own children aren't worried about me and DH being on our own for Christmas, and haven't been for years! I like to have family about me but understand they have other commitments -but it would be really nice to be invited to one of them just for a change!

@Belle04 Of course you will still get Christmas with your children. Okay so you may not get the actual day of the 25th but then you do your Christmas Day with them on the 24th, or on Boxing Day. And you do activities or Christmassy things with them throughout December to make the whole month a gently special time.

Think very hard about what your children will learn about relationships from you and what you decide to put up with 'for their sake' - they are young enough now that they can much more easily adjust to a new normal.

Hope you sort Christmas out in a way that works well for you.

OP's parents "have each other" every single day. This is such a mean attitude on a high holiday and notably, not one the "D"H is proposing to inflict on his own family.

Do you honestly hand-on-heart want to give the marriage another shot?

Your parents aren't "alone" they have each other. My husband and I wouldn't expect our adult children to invite us over because we would be "alone" if we weren't going anywhere. We'd have each other and are capable of enjoying Christmas together and it would be better than visiting a child about to get divorced with her grumpy partner. It seems odd that you think them visiting you would be pleasant for them. If you don't want to spend Christmas with him don't but spending Christmas with your parents would be more for your benefit than theirs

Yeah just have your parents over when you want. Tell him you’ll have his next year or his parents can come over some other time. Or he can go to see his own parents when yours come over.

Something tells me that your parental relationship might be more important than ever next year, and it sounds as though it would spoil Christmas for you if they are alone. Make it clear that it’s non negotiable and that if he insists on being a petty twat about it you’re going to take the kids there for the whole Christmas period and he’ll have to tell MIL (at which point her head will start revolving faster than a Catherine wheel).