What would you do?

What do you mean, he is not going to let you save? Your salary is going to be paid into your bank account. He has no access to it and cannot force you to spend it. So don't spend it.

And what would I do now if I was you ?
I’d go to work full time and save most of it for a ““running away fund” I’d also set up a pension for myself . I’d pay large chunks of my money into that.

I’d also speak to Women’s Aid because he is very controlling and financially abusing you.

But you’re the mother of his children. He should be making you a priority, not his mum !!

You need to protect yourself. Did you know his attitude before you had kids with him ?

If he decides to break up, you will be homeless and your kids will be looked after by their gran ( unless they come with you ) It’s a bit late now but if you had insisted on marriage before having kids you would all be protected.

In the gentlest way, I’m only spelling the above out to you because you seem so passive about it still and don’t seem to “ get it”. It’s nothing to do with you being a money grabber. It’s about protecting yourself and your children.

Is the child benefit in your name so you get your NI paid towards your state pension at least ?

Do you feel loved by him in other respects ?

This is utterly insane OP. I have more financial security than you and I've been a single parent for almost 9 years.

You need to get back to work , then dump him and claim child support. Also Wills can be changed, so it could be he doesn't leave anything to your kids.

How do household finances work at the moment? Does he pay bills etc on the house? And food and kids clothes?

It's a ploy, but it might help to approach him with the claim "I'm scared for my future - what would happen if I'm old and alone?" Make him understand how vulnerable you are so he understands why you have to save hard and doesn't immediately assume you are after his money. and emphasis how much you've lost out on by staying home with the kids.

This

What? I'm so sorry OP, this sounds like financial abuse to me. Why wouldn't he want you to save and build up a pension for yourself? If he ended the relationship tomorrow you would be penniless and he'd have a pension, fab career prospects and multiple properties. Yet you've been raising his children. He should see you as equal partners and treat you as such.
Please start secretly saving. Do you feel safe to talk to him about your financial situation?

I'd get my arse into fulltime employment.

Is you name on this property? Is he willing to get married?

I would work full time in your situation and put at least 50% of your earnings into savings/pension. If he's not going to protect you, you need to protect yourself.

How do you access money currently?

Read this back to yourself. Slowly. And again.

It's absolutely not his decision to make about your saving money

If he owns a few properties maybe he could give you one as a token of his good intention? That would give you a half decent pension and security.

I’m not being sarcastic- if you two are a committed couple and he sees you together for the long term, this benefits him too because the income from the property stays within the family, while you could still get a job and also pay for a cleaner, instead of needing to save for your own future.

You also say he probably won’t let you save your money when you go back to work. How does he get to decide that if your finances are separate? If you can’t decide what he does with his money, how is he allowed to decide what you do with yours?

Exactly that - put better than I said above; but that's what I meant.

WTAF??

I'm wondering how it's possible he can dictate to you whether you're 'allowed' to save your own money or not. How exactly can he prevent you from doing so?

It’s money he was able to make because you stayed at home to look after his kids so that his career could continue to flourish. At the very least he should leave the mother of his children with a place to live and money to look after the kids until they’re 18. If you accept less than that then you are a fool.

Let me guess, he hasn’t been paying into your savings or pension whilst you’ve been caring for his kids for free?

You also say he probably won’t let you save your money when you go back to work. How does he get to decide that if your finances are separate? If you can’t decide what he does with his money, how is he allowed to decide what you do with yours?

You sound very passive OP. He will leave you and you will be homeless. He’ll keep the kids because you won’t be able to.

He's fine for you to essentially be homeless if he dies tomorrow then if you're not in his will and he hasn't provided for you. Go back to work and stop relying on him if he won't marry you

Well it's all very well him SAYING he is upset that you think that and that you are " out of order" for thinking it. But if he is so upset then he should be taking on board the fact that is how you feel and doing something practical to remedy the situation.

I think if he is not doing anything to make you feel this is not the case then it tells you all you need to know.

I agree with pp that you should be doing everything you can to secure your own financial position.

I'm so sorry you are in such a vulnerable position with such a cynical selfish man.

He needs to at least sign one of his other properties over to you.

As PPs have said, you are already financially vulnerable- would suggest you get a job and save as much as you can especially into a pension.

And if he kicks off about this then i'd suggest LTB. Protecting himself by not marrying is selfish enough, but not supporting you to do the same is a sackable offence in my opinion. Good luck OP!

You are vulnerable op and he sounds like a self serving dick. You can’t change the past but I would be insisting on some financial commitment if the relationship has any future.

I would go back full time and say no I’m not paying for a cleaner - I’m saving for a pension and then make sure you salary sacrifice at least 10 percent into your pension.
everytime he suggests something I would say no can’t afford it. Start saving for yourself! The issue you have and he will have is your kids who he is leaving everything to if they marry the money will be halved if they divorce anyways. Don’t get why men have this horrendous attitude. If he has no will the law of ingestation applies which favours your kids anyways not his mum.

You need to love yourself and realize your self worth. You are worth a secure roof over your head.

This just seems so wrong to me.
He has committed to having children with you, it's not right for him to carry on acting financially single