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Original poster

DH complaining about look after kids

729 replies

Mellowblue · 04/11/2024 23:02

DH complaining about looking after kids.

I am a SAHM with 3 children in primary school. I have recently joined a few evening classes / clubs for the sake of my sanity and to keep my brain from turning into mush.
I am out two nights a week: 6 till 8 one night and 6 till 9 another night.

DH has become very resentful about me being away from home for these two nights because he needs to spend the evenings looking after the children.

Although, I can see his point, he still has 3 days a week when I am home and I don’t think 2 evenings for myself is a particularly big imposition on him. I am taking these courses with friends , so it’s not possible to them during the day.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 04/11/2024 23:44

I think he is right.
You could do one of the classes while the children are at school. You must have loads of free time then.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/11/2024 23:44

If you had 3 young children at home all day, I'd agree with you but they are in school all day. You already get a lot of down time and are now getting even more after DH has been working all day.

Why can't you go back to work to help with your sanity and keeping your brain from turning to mush?

Weeekender · 04/11/2024 23:43

Mellowblue · 04/11/2024 23:40

I do 80% during the weekdays and he does 80% during the weekend.

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I see his point. As a SAHM I would do all of the housework, and maybe 50/50 on a weekend when we were both there. You seem to have the good end of the deal here.

Original poster
Mellowblue · 04/11/2024 23:40

jackstini · 04/11/2024 23:27

Also how is the housework split?

I do 80% during the weekdays and he does 80% during the weekend.

OP posts:
Tiddlywinkly · 04/11/2024 23:40

I see his point. You can't be spending 9-3 on chores all day, everyday, so you must be getting downtime during the day as well. Does he have equal downtime? Can you not compromise by doing one evening a week to see friends?

Weeekender · 04/11/2024 23:39

I'd personally try and do these courses in the day time to not take up 2 evenings a week. When I done evening classes it was because I worked full time and couldn't do them in the day. But I think in your circumstances, and when I briefly was a SAHM, I absolutely would have done them in the day as I already had a lot of free time around school.

doodleschnoodle · 04/11/2024 23:38

As long as he has equal free time to you. Does he get the opportunity to do his own thing other evenings/weekends? Or are those all sort of family time?

If the latter, I can sort of understand why he feels like it's unfair in a way if you're a SAHP to school children as for much of the year you've got five days a week of 6 hours or so to yourself a day. But I don't think it's reasonable to never do any evening activities as a result.

hellacool · 04/11/2024 23:38

Mellowblue · 04/11/2024 23:34

All three are now in school.

Edited
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I think you know what their point is.

crumblingschools · 04/11/2024 23:38

I assume you cover all the school holidays? Do your DC do activities in the evening? I used to spend many evenings ferrying DC to various clubs after school

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/11/2024 23:36

where i live, there are 7 evenings in a week.

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 04/11/2024 23:35

Mellowblue · 04/11/2024 23:34

All three are now in school.

Edited
Show quote history

Well now I think you have more than enough free time.
Do the 2 evenings a week but you're far from Cinderella.

crumblingschools · 04/11/2024 23:35

Is he having to finish work early on those 2 nights if he is having to do work later?

What do you do during the day when DC at school?

Does DH get free time at the weekend/other evenings?

I would probably compromise with one evening a week

Tink3rbell30 · 04/11/2024 23:35

What do you do all day? That's a lot of child free time.

thebrowncurlycrown · 04/11/2024 23:35

Yes they are his kids and he should have no problems looking after them. But if you're a SAHM and kids are in school I would personally try find hobbies during the daytime so not to impose on DH. One evening a week is fine but i'd also be miffed with two.

Original poster
Mellowblue · 04/11/2024 23:34

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 04/11/2024 23:33

Are all 3 children at school?

All three are now in school.

OP posts:
DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 04/11/2024 23:33

Are all 3 children at school?

Marblesbackagain · 04/11/2024 23:30

And exactly when is your down time? I lit money he does nothing at the weekend ? When do you have friends time, break away etc.

Vaxtable · 04/11/2024 23:30

So what you do is list everything you do at home. Then show him, and tell him it’s work, not a jolly. That looking after 3 kids is hard work, and you are entitled to down time, as is he.

if he still kicks off I would be arranging to go out every Saturday and leave him to manage 3 kids all day, along with a list of jobs he needs to do

roseymoira · 04/11/2024 23:30

BlackToes · 04/11/2024 23:28

Two nights a week is fine, you need down time. As long as he gets a similar amount of downtime over the week I can’t see the issue.

Guessing he struggles to find the same 35 hours a week downtime 🤣

roseymoira · 04/11/2024 23:28

I'd understand if the kids were babies/toddlers, but he is at work all week whilst you are at home with your day to yourself. I can see his point!

One night a week fair enough, two is taking the mick a bit

BlackToes · 04/11/2024 23:28

Two nights a week is fine, you need down time. As long as he gets a similar amount of downtime over the week I can’t see the issue.

Soonenough · 04/11/2024 23:27

I hear you . If I wanted to do those hours when my kids were young I had to give them dinner early and have them bathed and ready for bed. Not worth it as couldn't relax and enjoy myself anyway . One of many reasons he is an ex.

jackstini · 04/11/2024 23:27

Also how is the housework split?

Catsmere · 04/11/2024 23:24

How does this selfish prick think single parents manage, hmm?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/11/2024 23:22

From his POV you have about 30 hours a week at home without the kids which is a lot of time to spend as you choose and there’ll be classes you could take in that time.

Is the problem that he doesn’t want to do bedtime for 3 kids by himself two nights a week or that you get a lot of free time and he doesn’t?