DH complaining about look after kids

Jesus Christ here come all the arseholes crying "Oh my god your kids are at school therefore you have enough spare time"

Last time I checked dear misogynistic arseholes a woman agreeing to a SAHM is deserving of a life outside of the house.The M in SAHM doesn't stand for thé word Maid.

The house doesn't magically clean itself;the shopping doesn't drop itself off,laundry doesn't clean itself and meals don't appear out of thin air;unbelievably SAHM mums don't sit on their arses all day counting down the seconds until school pick up.

6 hours disappeared pretty quickly when you're trying to get stuff done without your kids underfoot and let's not forget that sick days off school and school holidays exist when kids are at home all day.

So just shout this louder for the idiots at the back SCHOOL HOURS ARE NOT FREE TIME BECAUSE SHIT STILL HAS TO BE DONE.

Just because a man has a job he doesn't get to absolve himself of all other responsibilities;the OP can't clock out after putting in full time hours.

So yes it's perfectly fine for a man to actually care for his own kids whilst his leaves the house for a few hour twice a week.

Thanks for listening.

You're not a SAHM though. You're just unemployed; your kids are in school.

I'd be mighty unhappy if I was working 35/40 hour weeks and my DH was at home, then swanned off in the evenings too. There's only so much cleaning and cooking to be done during the day - most working parents do that on top of their job.

Sorry. I was ready to back you up, OP, but I can see why your DH isn't happy. You need to get a job, then you can split housework and leisure equally. If he's still complaining then, then he's a dick.

What sort of classes are these? If the primary purpose is to meet up with friends you don’t have to go to yoga or watercolour painting to meet them surely? I go to daytime classes and meet new people, or go out with friends for a meal and a chat as and when, not regularly twice a week.

I wouldn't be happy if this was my partner in this particular situation even if I didn't have work to do once home but especially if I still had work to do once home.
Wife - not working doing 80% of housework through the week and looking after the kids after school soley and doing 20% housework at the weekends and now out two evenings a week.
Husband - working through the week and doing 20% of housework plus extra work when home and then 80% of housework over the weekend and looking after three children solely two evenings a week.
I'd be telling my partner you got the easy side of it as itis home for 6 hours a day 5 days a week with no children and can take a break from household duties when you like with out the two evenings out a week for 'me' time'. If partner was persistent they want to do the course i'd be suggesting doing a course during school hours and then you doing any remaining household chores after children are in bed you will meet new people or you can pick up the 80% of housework at weekends so I can get some down time like you get every day in the week not that it be the same while the children are there or get a job to balance it out a tad more.
BTW I'm a sahm too and can understand wanting some time for yourself but putting more on your partner that already does more than his fair share is unreasonable

I’m a SAHM. I do go out regularly in the evenings but 2 nights a week every single week is quite a lot when you have a lot of free time in the day so I do have sympathy with his position. I can understand you want to meet up with friends who work but does it have to be every single week? I can imagine many replies would be different if you worked not him and he was out playing sport or in the pub twice a week. I do most of my regular hobbies and interests in the free time I have while the kids are at school.

@Duckingella Very lucky them!

You do realise that woman who are stay at home mums are allowed to leave the house unaccompanied by children outside of the hours of 9am-3pm Monday to Friday term time only right?

If he’s normally involved and an active parent I’d be listening to him.

Plenty of people jumped in with mumsnet cliches like sneering at the ‘big important job’ (that keeps a family of five fed and sheltered) and feigning outrage at him for not ‘parenting’ enough (I assume forgetting that a massive part of parenting is financially supporting one’s children). These people can usually safely be ignored as they don’t really have much of a grasp on reality.

It sounds like you have a pretty good deal with time to yourself every day during the week and only doing 20% of housework on weekends. It might be time to listen to him if he feels this has moved over the edge of what seems fair.

God help them all if he gets sick and there's no money coming in....

Its a few hours. For yourself.
I think I'd tell him, I understand his concerns but as you've already committed to it this term, lets just see how it goes and if he feels he is struggling for those few hours, you can talk about it again then, but you're completing what you've signed up (and paid) for. If it's too challenging for him- maybe next term you might do just one class in the evening. Or you might go back to work full time!- an he'd be doing way more!
Sounds perfectly reasonable and healthy to me. Is he considering its a nice thing for you to do with your friends?
God help him if you ever get sick or something and he has to do it all- all the time!

I was fully expecting to be on your side on this, but I'm Team DH.
You have vastly more free time than he does and that's why it doesn't feel fair. It's nothing to with him not wanting to parent, it's that two days a week you have about 6 hours free time during the day followed by another 2-3 hours off on the evening. Meanwhile he does a full working day, does the hands on parenting during the witching hour and then has another couple of hours work.
I think it would feel different if you were doing a night class to get qualifications to head back to work or something, but you yourself say it's a social thing.
Obviously noone would say never go out in the evenings, but look at the free time balance with impartial eyes if you can.

@LookAtThatCritter I personally don't call having 30+ child-free hours per week at home "working your arse off".
That sounds like what her husband is doing, however.

Have you been a SAHM since all the kids were born? Not that it makes a huge difference, but it's not like you haven't been working your arse off for probably almost a decade now. 2 nights a week isn't a big deal. It sounds like you'd do them in the day if you could, but you're with friends so it's not possible. Struggling to see the issue from your DH if I'm honest!

You've got a pretty good deal. If you don't want to return to work, volunteer in the daytime to have adult company and see friends once a week to prevent your brain from turning to mush?

I see his point.

I would probably agree with this to be honest

He should want to spend time with his kids when he gets home!
But unfortunately, he still has to work. And clearly that's not quality time.

Many mothers work full time and still have to do dinner/homework/bedtime
That specific mother doesn't work.

In these circumstances, YABU and you are indeed taking the piss.
Particularly if still has work to do when he gets home.

So while he's doing "his share of Cleaning" are you out earning "your share" to pay the bills?

I don't think it's a great hardship for him to look after his kids for a couple of hours and put them to bed two days a week! Many mothers work full time and still have to do dinner/homework/bedtime when they get home every night! He still has 5 evenings a week when he could do hobbies/socialising/sports if he chooses to. He should want to spend time with his kids when he gets home!

You need a job, you're obviously in need of adult company. That makes perfect sense, household chores are boring and lonely.

If you were working I'd say fair enough to the two nights per week, but as it stands you don't do very much at all. So kids stuff in the evening kind of is your job.

The solution is getting a job during the day, and getting your H to do 50/50 at home. It's a much better balance for everyone.

OP - what do YOU think is reasonable? Have you suggested to your husband you go back to work?

Exactly! When does the OP's DH get his 30 childfree hours in the week?!!

@adriftinadenofvipers But being a SAHM to kids that are all at school IS work, right? How can one possibly do anything else in those 30+ hours a week of child-free time?!

Would you not be pissed off if your DH had 6 hours free per day, and then fucked off for 2 nights a week, while you had to work FT, and share the evening load 5 days a week including weekends??