DH complaining about look after kids

I think I've read all your responses, OP but I may have missed something. Several people have asked when your DH gets a break or time to see his friends. I don't think you've answered.
If he's getting equal downtime, then it's fair enough. However, I suspect he isn't. You have roughly 35 hours a week to yourself. I'm fully aware that a lot needs to be done: cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, going to events at school, school runs etc. However, I don't believe it fills 35 hours a week.
I was a SAHM to primary school kids and my domestic duties didn't fill my time. In the end, I was very bored, and like you, I needed adult company and some kind of mental stimulation for my mental health. I got a part-time job and felt so much better!

This ...what is the problem as long as he has 2 evenings a week as well. If he is working during the week can't they be fri/sat night. School age kids should be in bed about 7.30/8. If they are ready for bed when OP leaves and they watch TV/spend time with dad then it's all good ? They are probably going to be a term time thing as well. Don't give up your hobbies with friends.

The fact that she is there to cover all of those things means that he never has to think about it. He never has to consider (as I and every parent in a working family has to) how the hell to get the morning or afternoon off for a play or fayre. He never has to worry about calling in to work AGAIN because one kid got noro, then each of the others got it and then, the parent got it too. He doesnt have to think about how they will juggle their AL to cover the holidays. Because the OP is doing that. He simply doesnt not have to give it brain space, he has someone else who does all of that.

Just as OP doesn’t need to think about job security, promotions, everything that goes with keeping a roof over her head and food on her plate. Someone else worries about that

I also see his point. You have 30 hours per week to yourself.

As a sahm of school age DC, I'd say this is a sweet deal for you.

It sounds as if you don't really want a hobby, as much as socialisation with other adults.
As pp have suggested, maybe go back to work, even part time?

You’re taking the piss OP if this is even real

Plenty of people jumped in with mumsnet cliches like sneering at the ‘big important job’ (that keeps a family of five fed and sheltered) and feigning outrage at him for not ‘parenting’ enough (I assume forgetting that a massive part of parenting is financially supporting one’s children). These people can usually safely be ignored as they don’t really have much of a grasp on reality

Well said 👏

Totally this and ffs it’s not a “job” if your kids are at school even if you stretch out all the things and do them to the nth degree like making your own bread, milking your own cow etc.

OP hasn't said her DC never, ever sleep. If she was awake all night with her DC and catching up on sleep during school hours that argument may stand but it is highly unlikely.

He sees you as a 24/7 domestic servant because of there is likely a power balance in your relationship. Does he get to make all the big financial decisions, too? Always amazes me how many 'couples' make the decision for one (usually wife/ mum) to be a stay at home parent, only for the other (usually the husband/ dad) to resent the former having any 'me time'. Does he get time for a hobby? Does he know how much a live-in nanny costs? Except even live in nannies get time off!

If your dc are primary aged, could you see if you could get a part time job? There needs to be a reset of expectations, op. A father 'resenting' time spent with his children?! Ffs.

If DH is having to work all day, come home and sort kids and then do more work after bedtime. It does seem a pretty punishing schedule for him. I'm guessing he has quite a high powered job which is keeping you both afloat?
You are entitled to some down time and to have hobbies. So is he. He's working to support the family and so are you. The question is whether your hobbies are fairly distributed and so are his? You need to think about his work including overtime requirements and all your work you do for the kids. Then talk to him about what he wants in terms of down time and life schedule and what you want. It could be that he's being unreasonable or he could be very reasonable. But it's all in context of your family and the rest of the week schedule.
For example, could he work late another night and you sort the kids so the nights you are out he doesn't have to do extra work? Could you give him a night off to do his hobby? Does he get other time to himself? Just talk it through

All of mine are in school now so I study in those six hours each day and fit in dinner prep, washing etc. I have to juggle it occasionally with hospital appointments. Come on OP, you're taking the mick here.

He is being a dick for not wanting to look after his own children, but OP, what are you doing 5 days a week when the kids are at school? You have a good solid amount of hours where you could be doing a hobby alongside looking after the house and doing drop off / pick up? Fair enough there is a social aspect to these evening classes and I’m not at all disputing that your DH should be more than prepared to care for his OWN children but I do think you have significantly more free time than most parents of school age kids where you could be fitting in some hobby time.

Have you missed they’re ALL at school?

I can see his point tbh.

What do you do all day?

I'm usually on the side of SAHMs but your DC are school age, your job is to look after the DC and keep on top of the house. If your DH is doing the childcare two nights a week and you're leaving 80% of the weekend chores to him, you're really not doing your share are you. I would think differently if you had pre school DC.

Why can’t you do the hobby whilst the kids are at school? I think you are being unreasonable.

I agree, and I say that as a SAHM/part time OU student! Get your hobby time when DC are at school or give it up. Your DH has a point especially if he needs to log on in the evenings.

There is 168 hours in a week

Your dh works 40 hours per week - leaving 128 hours, he is in charge of 3 children for 5 hours a week - leaving him another 123 hours

Now you also have 168 hours in a week that you are in charge of looking after 3 children - they go to school for 30 hours per week. This leaves you with 138 of looking after the children and want 5 hours to yourself outside of this time as its to spend with friends

He gets 128 hours and you get 30 hours

Is that balanced ?

I'm struggling to see the problem with a mother going to two evening courses a week after years of being a SAHM personally.

but she is not a sahm. the DC are in school all day and she has 30h per week spare time already. most people would file this under 'unemployed'. She isn't looking after the DC during the day. it's a balance thing. Her DH is at work all day and comes home to logg on to work extra and does 80% of the home work during weekends when everyone is home. Where are his 30h of break?

Hah. My Ex parents in law once told me how grateful I should be that XH 'babysat for me'

'For me'. 'babysat'. His own children.

Unfortunately there are still those with this mindset walking among us.

Not really

It’s not a job! I’m not saying it’s not a valid household decision but it’s not a ‘job.’ If the kids are at school there should be plenty of time in the day to socialise and take time for oneself, a household doesn’t require 5 hours of somebody being at home full time every day without any childcare to manage to run. Sahm is a luxury and especially once the kids are at school.

Plus does he have 5 nights a week to go out? Or would OP be pissed off if he did. Given its outside the SAHM hours I'd be a bit annoyed if he went out all five nights