DH complaining about look after kids

I think you are being a bit unreasonable here OP, sorry. Your dh is doing much more than you.

Not really. A lot of SAHMs have replied saying they run their lives on different lines. To reiterate, the hobbies and interests can be done during school hours, and then you can catch up with friends who work FT some evenings but not two evenings every week.
it’s not like OP is stuck in with toddlers all day and desperate for a break.

Agreed. Typical antimale sexism found everywhere now. Empathy for me, but none for thee!

Well as they are all at school she probably does spend the majority of time at home. She isn't taking them to toddler groups etc.

Unfortunately the even handed ones are on the minority in my experience. I see so much misandry here it's shocking. You only have to see the posts calling this hardworking man who is an involved father who does way more work than his wife being called "pathetic" and a "clown" to see the general tone on Mumsnet!

I see so many demands for equality from the same people calling housework and childcare billable activities etc while expecting their husbands to pay for everything who also call men lazy pigs and ungrateful for all the their wives work, as if they are contributing nothing that its really sad to read. I think the world of my husband and it's shocking what other women seem to think of theirs and everyone else's husbands!

I've even been accused of being a man and an infiltrating MRA simply because I believe in equality 😂

My DH would be happy for me to spend time with friends in those circumstances. If her friends work 9-5 she can't see them while the children are in school can she.

@justasking111 Fair play to the man!

@GoldenPheasant Unless OP can get a TA job at her children's school, she would need before and after school childcare. I was a HLTA for five years when my children were small and needed this. My hours of work were 8.30 - 3.35 so definitely not school-run friendly.

Strangely two men bravely posted here recently expecting a drubbing. In fact, they were told not to tolerate it, that if their wives were take, take, take, to think very hard about their partnership. One has come back just the other week. He's moved out and is instigating divorce proceedings. His wife will have to find a babysitter for her hobbies now.

I was so surprised. That mumsnetters are so even handed these days

OP is the one claiming she doesn’t use her brain.

If you have children under school age then your situation is nothing like OP’s so there’s no need to get defensive.

OP isn’t looking after children during the school day and she isn’t cleaning from 9-3 every day so she has a lot of free time.

There are a lot of jobs in schools and colleges that fit that description. Schools find it surprisingly difficult to recruit teaching assistants.

Also, of course, it doesn't necessarily have to be a school hours job. There are plenty of mothers managing other jobs with the help of child minders, after school clubs etc.

Note that OP has not said once she wants to work now her children are at school.
I wonder why that is?

What is to be jealous of? If she continues down the path of ignoring her DH's feelings, he will likely leave her. Then she'll be single with no income to support her family.

I knew it wouldn't be long before someone came along and accused everyone saying she is unreasonable is being jealous.

It's so unimaginative, women are capable of more emotions than just jealousy!

It always baffles me how when people talk about single mums who don't work they are "expecting the tax payer to keep them" and "should get a job and pay for their own kids" because "They are sponging by not working" but as soon as a woman is married and a SAHM their housework and looking after their children suddenly becomes equal to gainful employment and it's talked about as billable hours to the husband.

Either staying at home and looking after kids is equal to employment and women shouldn't have to work after becoming mothers meaning other people should pay her to look after her own kids, or it's not actually a real job and women should work to provide for their kids. You can't have it both ways!

If OP doesn't like the terms of being a SAHM she needs to go back to work and split everything 50/50. She can't be a lady of leisure whilst her kids are at school and expect her husband to work full time, pay for everything, do half the parenting in the week, 80% of the work at the weekend and 2 evenings a week solo. He is working way harder than her, anyone trying to make out she is a hard done by slave from the 1950s is being ridiculous.

Jealousy on here is 🤮

Are you seriously saying it's impossible for women with school aged children to work? Everyone else manages the school holidays and a job.

She can't have done - she's "locked into her house" according to quite a few posters.

I haven't, personally. But I have tried to recruit for numerous part time jobs specifically designed to fit around school hours. I'm always surprised by how difficult it is to fill such roles... given how difficult people say it is to find such jobs, you'd think that applicants would be beating down our doors, but it's actually way easier to fill FT vacancies than PT school hours jobs.

Why not get a part time job during school hours and use the money to pay for a sitter twice a week. Then he can stay at the office and get his work done and you can go to your class.

Why have 3 kids with a woman like this?

I think the issue is you're using being a SAHM as an excuse to NEED this time but not doing the SAHM bit properly. You expect DH to do 80% at weekends, presumably by saying 'I've done it all week' but only doing childcare 3/5 nights a week. You're leaving some housework until weekends when all housework/meals prepped for the weekend could be organised during the school day. I think socialising 2 nights a week is a lot to expect with young DC but if that is what you want you should be doing more in the other hours to make that work.

Exactly. But that's not enough, apparently. Honestly, the OP has a pretty good deal.

There are plenty of classroom assistant jobs (?) Asda/Tesco/Sainsburys zero hours contract? Some self-employed work?

Why are you saying he's no part of family life or a proper partner? OP said he was hands on and involved. He also does 80% of housework at the weekends.