DH complaining about look after kids

It’s about balance isn’t it? There’s not a right and wrong as such but your husband seems to be trying to communicate with you that things feel a bit out of balance to him. Hopefully that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t take your classes but try to find other ways of addressing the balance - eg taking some of his 80% of chores at the weekend, or maybe his job is overwhelming and you could take some part time work so he can reduce his hours/ need for evening work.

Side note - absolutely no idea why I think I can give this advice - I don’t have the balance right at all 🤣

Why does he have to do 80% on weekends? Surely it should be 50/50. To be fair, if you don’t work and kids are in school you should be going 100% or if I was your other half I’d be. Saying get a job!! You have all day to your self, two nights a week to your self and on a weekend your other half works all week and has to do the majority of the house work! Yep your taking the piss lol

But they’re in full time school?

Side with your DH here. You don’t do anything beyond that which people who are employed do, as all your kids are at primary. all the cooking and cleaning gets done by those in employment too - you’ve got quite a lot of down time.

As such you’ve a huge chunk of the day on your own timeline, not being dictated by littles.

when you see your friends why not go out after the kids are in bed so you can help with getting them down as 3 is a big juggle.

seems unfair he works full time, manages the kids on two nights to then log back on AND do 80% household chores at the weekends.

You do 80% household chores weekdays, don’t work at all and have 5 x per week to get yourself organised and still get two nights with mates.

If this was a woman asking this question in reverse everyone would say the man needs to pull his weight more.

I'll swap you 30 Yr 6's to teach for being a SAHM any day!!!! 😆

🤣🤣🤣

Sure it is 🙄

I am not sure she would loose.

because being a sahm is THE hardest job ever 😁

Are there not day time activities you could do? Whilst the kids are at school?

At this point, it’s because her children are at school all day. She wouldn’t be isolated if she got a job.

Presumably it's her choice to isolate herself and do nothing in day though?
She's got about 30 hours child free time in week. Yes some time will be spent cleaning/chores but rest of time you can fill as you wish. If paid work isn't on cards for whatever reason most people in that position would exercise/volunteer/study/socialise etc. If your existing friends aren't available as they work 9-5 make more friends.
I had a period where I worked very pt with a school aged child and it was lovely not lonely at all.

Does he realise how isolating a SAHM can be?

She has most of the week to herself. Give your head a wobble.

Five days a week with kids in school is plenty of time to do things. Maybe you need to improve your time management if you think it isn't.

She’s not facilitating it though. This is what he’s saying.

she’s at home 6 hours a day, no kids, no job. Yet he’s working, and picking a share of the housework and childcare, especially at weekends.

he’s pretty much doing 50:50 childcare already. O/p admits he does the bulk on weekends, he does two nights by himself and half the other three nights.

meanwhile o/p does what, breakfast, school run and tea?

o/p needs to sort her workload if she’s a sahm or go back to work.

Could you get a part time job or start a side hustle in the day? I can't imagine cleaning takes the entire school day

Aye, it'd be good for OP to get back to work wouldn't it. Funny enough crickets when it's mentioned!

Taking this piss having 5 hours out of seven nights a week? If her husband can’t cope with that he would barely be able to cope with 5050 childcare if she worked full time!

whilst his career and pension and wages are all going up and up and she’s facilitating it!

At least he’s telling you now he’s not happy so you can discuss things properly rather than him just leaving in a year or two.

Hmm, I do sort of get how he feels. I suppose in his eyes you have at least 5 hours a day when the kids are at school. Does he get to see his friends two evenings a week? They're quite long times too in my opinion.

You are totally taking the piss. You don’t work and have 8.30-3.45 free every day, you might do houseworks but probably 2-3 hours a day, rest is free, he works all day and also at night and you leave him with the kids on his own? If my husband was at home and did that I would be furious!

How rude! You're clearly very angry, I agree with @redskydarknight I don't think this is the thread for you.

And if o/p were a true partner, she’d listen to him when he says he is struggling with his work, the housework, and the kids. He does not have 6 hours in the day to organise his life, have a cup or tea or a shower.

she’d be compromising on the work/home balance.

he is not coping. He has told her he isn’t coping with the stress of work and picking up so much at home. She has far fewer pressures and more time to herself.

the way it is now it sounds like he sees more of the kids than her.

if she were a true partner she’d be looking for ways to take some of the pressure off him. She could get a job so he doesn’t have to work as much, or she could take some of the household tasks from him so he’s not spending his weekends cleaning.

sahm is a privilege. She needs to pull her weight so they both have relaxation time.

he has to log on for a few hours after he’s put the kids to bed to finish his work.

I think this is the issue, not spending time with the kids per se.

Am I not entitled to an opinion? You clearly think you are. The OP is a stay at home mum. With her kids day after day (although they are at school but there’s still care to be delivered by her, drop offs, pick up etc). She wants two relatively short periods of time for herself. There is nothing wrong with that. If her husband was a true partner, he’d support that.

im really not interested in engaging with you further @redskydarknight so that’s all from me! Toddle pip!