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AIBU?

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Friend barely speaking at mealtimes on holiday?

85 replies

CallyT · 04/11/2024 22:28

Friend lives alone so probably isn't used to mealtimes with another person. Old friend of many years.

Usually when we catch up over dinner at home she is chatty and normal.

The first meal or two was fine but the last couple have been painful. She eats very slowly and barely says two words.

She doesn't ask questions and hardly makes eye contact. Tonight I asked if she was ok and she said yes. The only thing time she made conversation was to point out a picture on the restaurant wall and kept talking about it when I tried to change the subject.

AIBU to think as we're on holiday she should be making an effort?

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 04/11/2024 22:39

She's probably just tapped out with spending so much time with another person, it can be exhausting needing to be 'on' all the time when you're with other people.

Also, you trying to make plans for the next day and her saying 'we've got all week' may be her way of telling you to chill, not everyone wants to plan every thing, to you it's a conversation starter and a way to plan ahead (I'm the same), but to her it may be that she wants to wake up in the morning and see how she feels before committing to something, holidays are different things to different people.

Maybe suggest a day doing different things to each other? or rather than assume you are doing everything together, say 'I quite like the look of doing this tomorrow, do you fancy coming with me or would you rather have a bit of time to do what you would like instead?'

Createausername1970 · 04/11/2024 22:37

If she is chatty the rest of the time, then maybe she needs a bit of peace and quiet at meal times.

Have you considered she might be thinking about you "god, she never shuts up and lord knows how but she manages to constantly talk but eat quickly at the same time and is hassling me to finish. I just want some peace to eat"

Not saying she is, but you have a slight mismatch.

FoxRedPuppy · 04/11/2024 22:35

Has she got any time alone? She’s probably peopled out.

CallyT · 04/11/2024 22:34

@Arlanymor I suppose I mentioned it because on top of not talking I finish before she does and then I'm just sitting awkwardly at the table in silence for ages.

I eat at a normal pace btw, not 'fast'.

OP posts:
hoarahloux · 04/11/2024 22:34

You're on holiday together? How is she when you're not at meals? Where are you eating?

I hate talking while I eat. I find it really uncomfortable. In a restaurant I have a hard time hearing what other people are saying and I'm overly conscious about food in my mouth.

Could you suggest eating separately and see how that goes down?

HiCandles · 04/11/2024 22:33

Very odd. Maybe she's exhausted by travelling? I know sometimes I find it hard to keep making polite conversation and just want to curl up on the sofa.
Think I'd be tempted to ask her if she has a problem with you if it goes on much longer when the travelling to holiday excuse definitely won't cut it.

CallyT · 04/11/2024 22:33

At one point I said 'so we X plans tomorrow at 2pm, do you want to do something beforehand?'

And she replied 'well, we have all week' and that was the end of it!

I thought that might open up a dialogue but no

When we're doing activities it's different - she talks as we're doing things

OP posts:
NarnianQueen · 04/11/2024 22:33

If she lives alone she's probably finding it a bit full-on to be with other people all the time. Holidays can be quite intense for this, even if you're not introverted!

Arlanymor · 04/11/2024 22:32

Haven’t you answered you own question here? When you meet up from time to time for dinner she is chatty, but on holiday you’re likely eating all of your meals together, so conversation may well run dry as you have nothing to update on another one as you’re together for a chunk of time. She might just need some decompression time, it’s intense spending a lot of time with someone that you don’t ordinarily live with. Can you find a companionable way to spend a meal without needing to talk all the time? The eating slowly thing is another issue and not sure why you mentioned it alongside the talking issue, it sounds like a criticism which I don’t think is very fair.

Createausername1970 · 04/11/2024 22:32

What is she like the rest of the time?