Friend barely speaking at mealtimes on holiday?

FFS, you're not serious surely?

What about it sounding like OP is on the spectrum, she cant tolerate difference, cant read the room, cant respond in kind to her friend who talks about a picture but instead of responding to this subject blithly changes the subject?

See how ridiculous that sounds? Any other diagnoses you'd like to throw around?

OP, you need to understand that lots of people, and Im now one of them although I didnt used to be, have to eat very very slowly due to digestion issues that are too boring to go into, that takes concentration, I can be chatty sometimes depending on how my digestion is being but at other times its quite difficult to get the balance right so I have to concentrate hard on chewing swallowing waiting until the next bite etc etc

Also I agree with another PP that Im very concious of not wanting to speak loudly with food in my mouth in case it comes splaying out, I can never hear in restaurants so actually would rather someone doesnt speak to me because then I have to constantly say 'sorry?'. You say you're on holiday so if abroad, restaurants tend to be very loud and busy, that makes it worse

You need to be more tolerant and when she starts a conversation about something, connect with her, dont just shut her up and cut her off.

This, have you shut down other conversations she's started?

Agree with others - take a book or use your phone. I wouldn't bother asking if she minds because she's clearly not up for chatting so anything goes!

As regards the rest of the holiday - is she active in making plans eg suggesting things etc or is it all 'I don't mind' and not looking up things to do/being interested?

My DH is a bit like this. He’s super chatty until food turns up and then he doesn’t speak until he’s finished his meal. It drives me mad, I’ve stopped inviting his mum over because he completely ignored her and left me to make all conversation at the table. She is also terrible at conversation and just drones on about herself and never reciprocates with the back and forth of conversation.

If you look around at restaurants, it’s not unusual to see couples not talking to each other. It is more unusual between friends though I think.

I’m guessing this is the first holiday you’ve had together and you’re finding out your differences. Just ask her if she would mind you reading while she finishes her meal as you don’t want her to feel rushed by you sitting watching.

I learned to go on a couple of short breaks with someone before committing to a week or more. Incompatibility spoils a holiday for everyone.

As per pp's suggestion, take a book with you so neither of you feels like you're just watching her eat. Tell her why - 'I've brought my book to read if you don't mind. I realise you want some peace and quiet now.'

I get a bit like this when I've had to be 'on' for extended periods. I go quiet and want to be left alone while I recharge.

God if getting an actual diagnosis was this easy. No it doesn't it sounds like she doesn't like to chat at meal times as much as OP.

Oh for goodness sake!
Being quiet at mealtime does not equal neurodiversity!!

Op unless you have paid for you friend to accompany you on holiday for the purpose of entertaining you and keeping you company, she is as entitled to enjoy her holidays as much as you are. For her, this means eating quietly and savouring her food. You're different and that's ok too.
Could you try getting to know other people on the holiday so that you have a larger group to sit with sometimes?

I have an eating disorder, anorexia. Even when I'm doing alright and its under fair control, I eat slowly and absolutely despise people trying to get me to talk when I'm trying to eat. I can handle the odd chatty meal, and i dont mind them talking at me if they want to jabber away, but I'd be just like your friend if I was on holiday with someone and it was every day.

Stop trying to get her to talk. She doesn't want to, and it's rude to prod someone to talk when they're trying to eat mindfully.

I agree that she's probably just socially overloaded.

When you only meet up occasionally at home for dinner, you're going to chat because that's the purpose of meeting up and the meal is a vehicle for allowing that to happen.

If you're spending all day together and your evenings too, she probably just needs a bit of quiet headspace to collect her own thoughts, reflect on her own experiences and reconnect with herself otherwise, when is that going to happen?

You find the silence uncomfortable and she needs it. You can't force her to talk. With kindness, if it makes you feel like you're not getting along, although you haven't fallen out, then that is something you need to deal with.

I like to eat first and not talk at meal times. I'm sure someone even brought it up at school. I cant give you a specific as to why. Maybe she's the same.
How often do you normally meet? Maybe others are right and because you're spending a lot of time together she's struggling a little

She's probably struggling to be around someone 24/7 when normally you're only together for a few hours.

I remember going on a weeks' holiday with my best friend and it was such a different dynamic to us hanging out at home - we both found it quite challenging.

Maybe it would be best to split up for a bit and each do your own thing.

Maybe she's fed up of what you're trying to talk about about. You didn't let her talk about the picture which is rude.

If you're sure she's not feeling down/ depressed about something then she's probably just a bit socially overloaded.

It can be intense going on holiday with a friend.

Are you also sharing a room etc too?
This sounds like something i might do if i was not coping as an introvert. Although i am more self aware and would explain this and make sure i got some time alone to recharge before dinner. I would never make a good friend feel awkward.

You could try that? Taking your book down to the bar or having a walk alone for an hour before dinner and see if she seems more relaxed.

Or heading down to breakfast alone and saying for her to join you when ready or going together eating yours quickly and then saying you want a walk/have a call to make:

Alternatively just relax. Silence doesn't necessarily mean unhappy. If she is otherwise wise herself the rest of the trip then just consider it you can cope with it again in the future.

Sounds like she's on the spectrum.

Can you not just give her quiet at dinner? Read a book or something.
Are you thinking about what she wants as much as what you want? Not every silence must be filled.

You’re being a tiny bit unreasonable.
Everyone has their own pace for eating.
People who live alone often are peopled out by day 2 of a holiday. So they will be craving a bit of alone time to recharge.
She did make an effort to talk about a painting, but you tried to change the subject even though she wanted to talk about it a bit longer.
The “are you ok?” might have been a bit passive aggressive.

So you want her to be chatty, you want her to talk about the subjects you want not what she wants, and then if she’s quiet you ask “are you ok?”

I think you need to relax a bit. A holiday with friends goes at a slower pace.

She’s on holiday. Let her enjoy it. Take a book with you to the table so you can read while she finishes. I’m so sociable and chatty but if you went on holiday with me I would be similar. Maybe you need to eat alone one night, have a rest from one another to help things. She may be over stimulated if used to living alone.

What was the picture on the wall that she wanted to talk about?

I feel you OP. It'd make me a bit self conscious knowing people were seeing us eat in silence (totally in my own head though!)

If she's chatty before/after the restaurant I'd chalk it up to her just liking to focus on her food. If she's quiet after you've left the restaurant too you probably need to agree to have more alone time as she may need downtime to recharge her social batteries.

Ask her if she minds if you browse your phone whilst eating. She probably just needs down time and would be fine with this too. She might even welcome it so there's no pressure on her to interact.

I get it OP.
I have a friend like this and it just feels unnatural and awkward.
My friend eats very fast at least so I’m not sitting waiting for her to finish, it’s usually the other way around with her sat in silence whilst I finish my food which is equally as awkward.

I asked her once why she’s normally so chatty but not at mealtimes and she looked at me like I was crazy and said she was focusing on eating. I don’t really understand it but I try to avoid going out with just the two of us for meals now. It’s like she literally shuts out everything around her and her whole focus is just on her food, I can kind of understand that if you go somewhere quite fancy but her favourite place to eat out is Wetherspoons!

DP isn’t the best to go out with either, he hates waiting for his meal, he’s fine when we have our food and we chat and often order things to share but as soon as he’s finished his last mouthful he’s got his coat on and ready to go. He loves the restaurants where they use an app so it’s all very fast and he can pay before we’ve finished.

Some people just have unusual habits, DP is autistic so that probably explains his behaviour. I had an ex once whose family didn’t believe in talking during meals, it was excruciatingly awkward and no one told me so when I started making polite conversation the first time I went to their house for a meal they just frowned and ignored me.
I have misophonia so the eating sounds and cutlery on plates just sounded magnified in the quiet room and his dad kept sniffing and gulping water. My skin is crawling just remembering it, I pretended I had an emergency the second time I was invited round and never went back 😂.

Well to be fair that’s your normal, pace not hers. There is no normal unless it takes her literally hours to finish a meal. Maybe she is just trying to relax on holiday too? Things are often at a slower pace on holiday, meals and conversation both.