To think friends might come away with me and the kids now I'm a single mum

I just wouldn't want to be nagged about next summer in November tbh.

Feels too much like locking in.

I'm a single parent and yes holidays alone with kids can be daunting but honestly this is something you need to get used to. Big girl pants etc.

I'm sure your friends care for you but ultimately family holidays are family holidays and a completely different vibe to hen weekends

I've done this - gone away my kids with other mums and kids. Also as a single no kids with friends and their kids. Hook was I owned the villa - so no accommodation costs for them!
It's hard to arrange a holiday even with friends who's kids are all adults (so I mean just with my friends) - people either use their holiday time to visit family or go away with their spouse. I'm a widow not interested in going away with a couple. I've only managed it with another single female friends.

I say this gently op, but you sound a little entitled. They do not need to make up for the loss of your relationship or the fact you didn’t get married.

It sounds like you are expecting them to step up, snd start making things easier for you - when in fact a friend’s role is to at most emotionally support you, maybe organise the odd dinner to cheer you up. Not to take over where your dp has left off.

You are expecting too much of them, and I would hate to see them distance themselves a little as a result. Unfortunately ( or fortunately for some) life as a single person is going to require you to be very independent and getting on with life on your own largely, that is the reality of this. Whilst some embrace others are fearful, clearly this is hard for you 💐

I don't think you were unreasonable to ask or to be upset they didn't just openly say no, but you're unreasonable to feel slighted that they won't come.

People have limited holiday allowances from work that they need to prioritise family holidays and other ad hoc events. Using 5 days of holiday on a trip with another family is a big ask in the first place, doubly so if you're only inviting mums and kids or the mums would be coming alone.

It's also hard to pick a holiday that would suit multiple families. Anything cheap (camping in the UK) ends up being a lot more hassle and more chance of being crap, and anything easy day to day with guaranteed good weather etc (all inclusive abroad) ends up being expensive.

If you invited everyone in the group, it was never going to work. Too many dates to make match up. And when you invite a whole group that big, smaller splinter plans never really happen either as no one feels the need to take the lead and/or people feel bad ploughing ahead saying "well we can do X, so let's do it without the others".

You suggested something that works for you, however, for whatever reason, it doesn’t work for them.

When my SIL first got divorced, she several times suggested a week away with us including all kids. I could see why it would work for her, but there was no way I wanted to use precious annual leave to spend a a hard self catering week with someone who doesn’t cook, has fussy eating kids ( as do I) and has different interests and temperaments. I really like her, but no way. Also the way she asked annoyed me, it was more ‘let’s all go on a lovely holiday together, it will be great!Here are some dates.’ Said in a group setting. Rather than quietly individually asking, so that I could fob her off politely, without having to mention her screechy kids and her culinary laziness! In the end I got DH to fob her off, but was surprised that she only saw it from her own angle.

A hen do is different from a holiday. A hen do is usually a maximum of one or two nights away, whereas a holiday is presumably for a week. It would have been lovely if one of your friends had been up for it, but I don't think it's surprising that they're not. Holidays are generally family time.

The only holidays I've been on with other people's children involved (other than camping trips) are with my siblings, with whom I feel relaxed. Even holidays as a couple with another couple can be tricky if you have different expectations and ideas of fun. Plus they are expensive. I'd rather spend my money where I know I can choose what to do all the time and know that I don't have to take other people's interests (other than my DH and kids) into account. I'm fine too with group holidays with strangers, though haven't done that many.

Hi @Usedtobeslummy One thing I learned about my separation and divorce is who out of my long term friends would actually put the effort in when I needed it.

After years and years of being a great friend to others and always being there for support and cheerleading when it doesn’t come back - when you need it it’s very deflating/upsetting/lonely.

Dont take it personally, some people are too wrapped up in their own lives

It sounds like the group is hard to pin down due to size. In your shoes I would make a firm holiday plan with one or two friends who could commit and then leave it open to anyone else who wanted to join or just do a child free girls weekend that would be the time equivalent of a hen party.

Unfortunately big groups are difficult to organise particularly when people have kids and their own priorities and if your suggestion is too vague you'll end up with loads of clashing ideas.

Yabu
Holidays are expensive and time off is precious.
That is for my own family time.
If ot was a "girls" weekend or something child free i might go.

I couldn't spare annual leave or money to holiday with a friend as it takes away from my family and that's my priority. I also hate going away with other people, especially other people's kids.

Most people just don't get that much annual leave & they want to spend most of it with their own family.

I hate group holidays unless its my own siblings, i think a lot of people hate group holidays.

A lot of people want to chill/do nothing away from other people in their evenings, not provide adult company for a friend

I don't see the connection with a hen weekend and a holiday with children

Unless your parenting is pretty much identical this is a recipe for disaster.

This is never going to work well with so many people.
A long girls weekend, child free, would have had been easier for them.
Family holidays and annual leave is really precious op, and you can’t blame them at all for wanting to go away and relax. Group holidays are not relaxing, yes they are fun, but not relaxing.

I understand you might find it daunting going away by yourself, but you will have to get used to it at some point. Why not organise a girls spa break or similar?

You going to have different priorities and outlook to them at least in the short term,

I think you need to be mindful of that op, and placing too much expectation and/or pressure on your friends, especially if they are working full time and juggling multiple children. Assuming your ex has your dc some of the time, you are likely to have more free time than them, they are also maintaining a relationship too. Your life has changed, but their lives haven’t, you can’t expect them to plug the gap.

I went on holiday with my DD, and my friend and her DH and their DDs, when our dc were in juniors for a mutual friend's wedding abroad. It was not terrible and we had a good time but never again, their DDs had very different interests to my DD and were fussy eaters, whereas my DD was older and liked her own space, and they had the biggest bedrooms.

FWIW, I have done holidays as a single parent and had an excellent time.

Surely half the reason is that they're just not ready to think about next year's holiday yet? Maybe just me but we tend to book ours late winter/early spring. At this time I'm just trying to get over half term and focus on Christmas and wouldn't be committing to a group holiday.

When I was a single parent I had a couple of camping trips with another single mum (my roomie) and our kids. Our kids were 2-3 yrs old. Just the four of us.

I’m sorry, this sounds very hard and disappointing.
Please don’t take it that your friends don’t love and want to support you. Personally I would find this request difficult in your friends shoes. I only have a limited amount of annual leave and money for holidays so it would be difficult to justify allotting that to a friends holiday when I feel I would probably have more quality time with my kids if we just went on holiday as a nuclear family.

OP did you just suggest a group holiday or did you suggest and explain that you needed support getting through this first holiday as a single parent?

If you haven’t articulated your feelings and needs to them they might not understand what you’re really asking for. Even if they can’t commit to joining you on the holiday they might be able to offer phone support, pop down for a day visit or something…

OP, I really wouldn't feel disappointed with your friends if I were you. Going on a group holiday isn't for everyone - I think it isn't for most people. The only one we ever did was with two friends. We had separate houses on the same complex and did different things during the day more or less - a bit of texting about going for a swim - and then got together for dinner. There were still moments of tension. I loved it but it required a fair bit of navigating.

I love my friends but have no desire to go on holidays with them.

I regularly holiday with friends and the key is for everyone to do what they want, together or apart. So some days people might all do something together but more often people will join with smaller groups often with similar aged kids or those without kids or depending on fitness levels. Meals would tend to be fairly flexible too - a few people would join together in a cooking group depending on what they like to eat and what time they want to eat.
Someone generally suggests a venue, books it if others are keen, and then people arrange their own flights transfers car hire etc.
Camping is definitely easier just because of flexibility on numbers especially as kids need to be in certain rooms but we've done lots of indoor accommodation too over the years

I would go with you!
I think the issue often is the planning is tricky with big groups as people want different things, and the dates might be tricky too to line up when people are free
How have you approached them? If you're vague it might seem a lot of effort. If you suggest a particular venue, research likely ballpark costs and give some options of dates that might be more appealing? Or get the agreement of one particular friend for a place and date and then open it up to others "we're going here all welcome to join" type thing
If they aren't keen on a longer trip then try a weekend in the UK. It can build in future years if everyone enjoys it.

This was kind of my thinking too op and I say that as a single parent. Annual leave is precious when you have kids who get sick and have school/ nursery closures and different bits and bobs you need to get off work for even when it's split with a partner. So for me I wouldn't be going away with someone without my kids and a partner if I had one because that would probably end up being my family holiday for the year not even considering cost.

I'd suggest going as a big group as well. If your dc can play together so you can enjoy time with the adults without having to entertain them then that's even better. But ultimately I think getting people bought into this idea is hard. I have very different taste in hols to my friends, as much as I love them dearly there's very few I'd actually want to go on holidays with. I think as others have suggested an airbnb weekend long style trip would be much more realistic.